Joy #18

Prayer... and answers. I have always tried to teach my kids that Heavenly Father is always there for you. He wants to help you, and he will always listen when you talk to him. And I think they know it. About a year ago we were searching for something Adia needed really badly. We hadn't planned very well, and she needed the thing RIGHT THEN pretty much, and we were stressing about it. Finally I said a prayer, out loud as I was searching. Adia asked what I was doing and I told her I was asking Heavenly Father to help us find it. Suddenly the thought came to me to look in Ethan's drawer - which it should NOT have been in- and TADA! there it was. You can call it what ever you want, but I believe it was a direct answer to my prayer. And it was a very sweet moment because Adia had witnessed it, and now she has a concrete, unshakeable testimony of prayer. And she uses it all the time. No matter what it is, if she, or any of us need a little extra help she prays for us. I love that about her. But then there is me. I too know that my prayers will be answered, and that my Heavenly Father loves me and wants to help me. It's not a matter of faith at all, because I know without a doubt that even miracles are possible through prayer. But I always, without fail, have to try every thing out for myself before I can rely on Him to help me. I go to great lengths to handle everything by my self, especially lately when I feel so much pressure to prove that I can be a good parent, good provider, good student, good person, good friend, good daughter, etc all on my own without a husband to "take care of everything for me." When in reality, I wouldn't have to work nearly as hard if I would just rely on Him a little more. So lately I have been needing some answers to some tough situations, and no matter how great my pro/con lists are, I still can't come to a conclusion. It has really started to weigh me down, and that frustrates me even more. But then, today Adia was talking to me as I was getting ready for church, and she told me a story about praying for something, and it hit me. That's what I hadn't been doing enough. Oh, I had mentioned my questions in my prayers now and then, but I hadn't specifically prayed for the purpose of getting an answer or extra knowledge, or clarification. So today that's what I did. And though I haven't received an answer yet, I know I will. I know it! Already I have learned a lot of things that will have a direct effect on my decision. So it's working. And I'm grateful for the reminder, and I'm even more grateful for the relationship I have with Heavenly Father, and the knowledge that He really does hear and answer my prayers.

And I spread joy by making a new friend. There is a person in my ward who is going through something very similar to something I went through a few years ago. It's the kind of situation where only a person who has been through it would really understand, so even though you have a strong support system who want to help, you can't really open up to them totally because they won't get it. Well, MIRACLE, I was just assigned to be her visiting teacher today, and I wanted to visit her before Christmas, even though my companion couldn't go with me. So I made arrangements to go today, and she and I had a really good talk. I didn't solve any of her problems, but at least now she knows that there is someone who totally understands her feelings, and who will listen without judgement or trying to "fix" it or telling her how she "should" be feeling. I love that. I'm really excited to have the opportunity to be that person for her.