People react to being called beautiful

Have you seen this? It's beautiful! I often wonder what the world would look like if we not only saw the beauty in others, but told them what we saw. Let's try it!

Vulnerability

I recently went to a conference that got me thinking about vulnerability. The presenter was sharing a program developed by Bren’e Brown (You might recognize her from THIS TED TALK - if you don’t, go watch it, it’s worth your time.) It was talking about the power of relationships. In my work we believe that healing happens in relationships. And aren’t we all a little bit broken in some way or another? Don’t we all need a little healing from time to time. The kids that I work with are a little more so than most of us, but this message applies to everybody, I think. A quote from Bren’e that really spoke to me is this, “Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, accountability, and authenticity.” Those are things I definitely want and even NEED in my life. And vulnerability is where it starts. 

I think these days we misunderstand what vulnerability is. In the age of social media -in your face 24/7 - wear my heart on my status bar - post every thought that comes to my mind - it is easy to get confused. Vulnerability is not live tweeting your bikini wax, vulnerability is not attention seeking, vulnerability is not dirty laundry. Vulnerability is about intimacy, it is about connection, it is courage and raw and truth. Vulnerability is being brave enough to open your heart and offer what’s in there to someone else with the knowledge that anything could happen. But it’s only through getting to this place that  you can experience true, healthy relationships. It is only through being vulnerable that you can experience the happiness and success life has in store for you. Being vulnerable is different for different people. It could mean saying hello to a new person in your neighborhood, it could be allowing yourself to cry with a friend who needs some empathy. It could be standing up for something you believe in, even when it isn’t the popular point of view. It could mean being the first one to say I love you, or addressing an addiction you’ve kept with you for far too long. It is yours, whatever you decide. 

But here’s the thing about vulnerability. It’s hard. It’s scary. I don’t like to do it. I like it when other people do it, in fact part of my job is to get people to do it, but when it comes to me, I like my heart packed away neatly with the rest of my baggage thank you very much. I’ve been hurt and stomped on and betrayed and rejected, and that makes it hard to open up again. But here’s the other thing: I want relationships with my family and friends and even people I haven’t met yet. I want to be able to do relationships well. I want joy. I want success. I want to be genuine. So I am pushing myself to be vulnerable. Recently I have had an experience professionally, and one personally where I raked up what little courage I had and ventured waaaaaay out of my comfort zone. I’ll let you know how it turns out... What about you? Do you dare? 

Beautiful

I saw this today, and just fell in love with it, so I wanted to share it. What a great lesson for all of us. 

The MAN!

This happened a while ago, but I forgot to post it and I don't want to forget the wonders of puberty, so even though its a bit inappropriate I'm sharing it with the world. Ethan is so lucky!

Ethan is growing up. Yikes! One day he discovered a chest hair. One lone little chest hair. He was thrilled. Evidently the ability to grow chest hair is the thing that determines whether you are a boy or a man, and Ethan was officially a man. Not only that, he was THE man. The man of our house. And apparently that meant that he was now in charge. The chest hair had given him the power, and unfortunately it was going to his head a bit. He was bossy, and sassy, and one step away from dragging a club around and grunting, "Woman, get me some food!" It was getting old fast, and was certainly NOT the kind of attitude I want to encourage in our home. (Don't get me wrong, I believe that men need respect, and honor, and that they fill a very important role in the home, I just don't think women are the servant and less than just because we don't have any chest hair.) One day, Ethan had just gotten out of the shower, and was dancing around in his towel pointing out the lonely chest hair once again. I had been trying to think of a tactful way to honor the changes he is experiencing while still not raising a male chauvinist, but Adia had reached her limit and decided to take matters into her own hands. She marched up to him, ripped the hair right out of his chest and said, "In this house, girls rule!" I died.  Then I pulled it together, and we had a talk about gender equality, and the fact that our home is one of mutual power and respect... and that if we had any more questions over who is really in charge, in this house, for now anyway,  MOM RULES! :)

Love where you're at.

A few weeks ago Adia was super sick. Like, sick enough that she didn’t want to watch TV or eat, she just slept for days- that kind of sick. I’m way lucky that I have the kind of job that allows me to stay home with sick kids, so we were home together for two week days plus the weekend, and then Monday was a snow day, so it was five stay at home days in a row. I loved it, we cuddled on the couch watching movies, and we read together for hours, and I got to just love on her and serve her and nurse her back to health, and Ethan and I sledded and made snow ice cream, and built a snowman, and shoveled the snow out of our drive, and all the neighbors’ drives, and it was a blast! It reminded me of something that I had forgotten, or maybe that I never really realized to be true before. I kick butt at being a stay at home mom! I do. I’m a crafting, cooking, cleaning, volunteering, homework doing, DIYer. I loved that job. LOVED it! I wasn’t one of those moms who complained about being a mom. I didn’t want to have a part time job like some moms do, that was my very favorite job, and I loved everything about it. I didn’t get down or overwhelmed, or burned out. I just liked it. I did fun things with my kids, I made up sentimental traditions, I celebrated everything, I met my kids at the door with milk and homemade cookies. Being home from work for those few days, being able to get so much done, trying new projects, having some order to our life, those kinds of things were really exciting, and reminded me of how much I loved that job and how much I wish I could do that job again… and I started to get sad about it. But then Tuesday came, and I went back to work, and I loved it. I realized that I LOVE what I do. Is it hard? YES! Is it emotional? YES! Does it drive me crazy sometimes? Yes!!! But I get to make a difference in people’s lives. Every. Single. Day. I get to help people, and make their lives better, and help them function, and change lives AND GET PAID FOR IT! I literally save babies- I’m a freakin’ superhero! (Yes, I realize that this is a bit of an exaggeration, I in no way see myself as a super hero AND that is not how everyone in the world views my job, AND truthfully, not everyone thinks that sounds like the best job ever, but I do. I honestly, with my whole heart, love my job) My job makes me feel fulfilled and whole, and like I can change the world, or at least my little corner of it. So that made me think about my life a little. Yes, I love being a stay and home mom, and if I could choose any job, that’s the one I would choose. But, that’s not the life I was handed. And I can be happy right where I’m at. I love life, just how it is. I’m not sad about not being a stay at home mom, I’m happy that I was able to experience that, but I’m happy I get to experience this life too. I’ve had some great successes personally as well as employment based that never would have achieved in my old life. I have witnessed miracles and seen people at their worst, and also at their best. I fully understand what it is to be human, and also humane. This life and it’s opportunities are a gift. As I’ve been thinking about that I have thought about my whole life, and times when I wasn’t happy where I was. And I wonder if a little change in perspective, or some inner reflection would have made me get more out of the experience. I wonder if there is some beauty in those experiences that I missed out on; that I refused to let in simply because I didn’t love where I was. I wonder how many more relationships I could have built, how many experiences I could have had, how many interests and talents and gifts I passed up because I wasn’t present. Because I didn’t engage with the life I was living at the moment. Because I was too busy waiting and hoping for something better to come along. So after coming to this realization I’m committing to be in the moment, and be happy where I’m at. I’m loving this life. This one. Right now. 

Happy Pi(e) Day!

It's Pi(e) day! You know, 3.14... March 14th. We aren't math people, but we are pie people, so this is one concept we can really get behind. We love this "holiday" and every year we celebrate happily. This year we chose to celebrate with a peanut butter variety, and since it's one of my favorites I thought I would share the recipe. And since it is quite seriously one of the easiest pies I have ever made, all the better!

You start out with a chocolate graham cracker crust. I usually make my own - crushed chocolate grahams and a little butter - perfection. But we've had one of those store bought ones rolling around the pantry for months now, so I decided to use it up. That makes this pie even easier!

So now, for the filling:

1- 8oz package of cream cheese, softened.
1 Cup cream peanut butter. (I'm normally a fan of the chunky, but for this recipe creamy gets you much                   better results.
1/2 C sugar
1teaspoon vanilla
8 oz whipped cream

In a mixer combine the first four ingredients and mix well. It will seem grainy, and not so good, but that's okay, the magic comes next. Once those are mixed, add the whipped cream and gently fold it in with a wooden spoon or rubber spatula. As you fold, the peanut butter mixture gradually becomes more like a yummy mousse. Once you're done with that scoop it into the crust, spread it out, and top with garnish. We have tried whipped cream and chocolate shavings before, but this time we used some hot fudge ice cream topping drizzled over the top - just do what you feel.

It's best when cold, but it's good at any temp. It's really rich, so you might want to pair it with some cold milk. One thing we've also done is make individual servings in muffin tins. This takes a little more work, but if you pipe the filling in with a pretty icing tip it looks super nice and it is the perfect portion size.

Stash of Cash.

A lot of people have been asking me about how I have been able to afford brain integration for my family. It’s expensive, I get it. I used a lot of different methods to make it work, but because it’s close (ish) to the beginning of the year I wanted to share this fun Idea that helped.

Last January I found this chart. You put one dollar in the jar the first week of January, two dollars the second week, etc. for the whole year. I did this, but sometimes I didn’t have exact change, so instead of putting in, say, $3, I would just put in a $5. I was careful to always round up, not down in those situations. So by the end of the year, when we had seen so much improvement in Ethan and I knew Adia needed it, I checked the jar. There was plenty for the entire integration, the motel stays, gas, food, PLUS a mani/pedi for us both. I liked that it never took too much. It wasn’t going to break the bank, even during the most expensive week.  It takes some time, but if you are hoping  to save some money for whatever reason, this might be a fun answer. 

Whipping Cough

Usually Ethan takes a long time to come out after school. He's social and has to talk to people. Plus he's usually left his stuff all over the entire school, so he has to go from class to class to pick  up pencil's books, notebooks, coat, etc. But Friday he came scooting out of the school before the bell had even stopped ringing. He ran strait to me with panic all over his face, and gasped, "Mom! There's a Whiping Caugh outbrake at school!" He was terrified! After talking to him more in depth about his fears (And hearing him tell me about his friend Benny who's dad "gave him a whipping cough and he couldn't sit down for two weeks") we finally got to the bottom of things. He thought that an outbreak was kind of like a prison break. And whooping cough (which is what we were REALLY dealing with) was whipping cough. So basically in his head some scary prisoners had broken out of jail and were running around the school whipping kids until they cough. We talked about it, and things got worked out, but that didn't stop him from asking everyone who even cleared their throat around him if they had the Whipping Cough. He also took the paper that the school handed out and was a public safety announcement to everyone we met. He approached all kinds of people, showing them the information, and giving them advice - avoid going places if you start coughing, cover your mouth with a tissue, then throw the tissue away, wash your hands with soap often... Just doing his community service you know. The city of Blanding is safer and healthier with Ethan around!

Because I love you...

Because I am a person and I live a life, and I interact with others on a regular basis, I get that sometimes life is hard. I also get that sometimes you feel down and overwhelmed by the pressure of everything. And sometimes things don't seem fair, and sometimes you don't feel like you measure up, and sometimes life hands you so much you don't think you can go on. And I totally understand that every once in a while you just need a good belly laugh to remind you that everything is going to be okay. And because I love you, and I want to put a smile on that sweet face of yours, I'm giving you this little Valentines Day treat.







You're Welcome... :)

Birthday time... and growing up.

It's that time of year again. Birthday time. I guess in a way I'm lucky that they both share the same day because then we get all the celebrating out oft he way in one shot, and have an entire peaceful year to enjoy with nothing. But still, double the birthdays means double the parties, double the presents, double the cake, double the decorations, double the exhaustion... you get the picture.

This year Adia turned 10. She's growing and changing every day. She has an incredible personality, and so much self confidence. She was telling me last night that if her dreams to become a rock star don't pan out she's still got "famous actress" as a fall back. But if she gets tired of all the publicity she'll probably retire early become a lawyer because she likes to talk. I'm excited about her dreams, and can't wait to see how she makes them come true, or if she finds something she loves even more along the way.
Ethan is officially a teenager - I don't know how that happened since I'm far  to young to have a child that age. He makes me so proud sometimes. He's growing like a weed - yes, he's officially taller than me, and he loves to rub it in. He had his first girl-boy party, where it actually matters. (You know how that's fine when you're little, but then you grow up, and it's no longer acceptable for cootie reasons, but then you grow up a little more, and it's suddenly a big deal again.) He is in love with Jillian Walker. "She's beautiful, AND she's super nice, not every girl can be both, you know." And when I tease him about her his ears turn red and he tells me to grow up - that's my favorite thing. :)  In the past when he's had crushes, they have normally been on girls from his special ed class - you know, more his developmental level. But Jillian is not. This made me a little nervous, and I tried my best to talk him out of it. But there was no convincing him, and he invited her, and she CAME! And she IS super nice, and she IS very beautiful. And she likes him... I think as just a friend, but that's good for me. And she's patient with his craziness, and she can follow his train of thought, and I'm so grateful that God heard my prayers and made her a truly kind young lady.
 Last night my dad came and took us all to dinner to celebrate. He reminded me that he has been with them for every single birthday since they came almost 10 years ago, and he's not about to miss one now. I watched Adia and my dad deep in conversation talking about a stand they are going to build for a new business venture she has planned to make big bucks this summer, and I was overwhelmed with how lucky I am. I am so blessed to be these kid's mom. I am so lucky to have that gift. I am so lucky that my parents live so close to us so they can babysit, and come over for dinner, and help make entrepreneurial dreams come true, and basically, just love us. It's a good life, and I'm so grateful for it.

BIT Part III

In case you missed them, Part 1 and Part II are good too. Go check them out.

Part three: Adia and I

After seeing how successful Ethan’s BIT was I decided that Adia needed it. Adia doesn’t have the challenges Ethan has, but I still knew it would change her life. She is pretty good at everything she does. Some of that is natural talent, she’s just blessed with strengths in a lot of areas. But a lot of her success comes from determination. If she finds something she wants to do that she isn’t very good at she works and works and works on it until she IS good at it. She doesn’t give up or get discouraged, she just works harder and harder until she becomes an expert. So while it looks like she’s just perfect at everything, there is a lot that goes on behind the scenes to get her to that point. But one way or another she’s used to being successful at things.

But then there’s Spelling. 

For a girl who’s good at everything, that girl can. not. spell. At all! I have never seen someone who is so bad at spelling. She could not grasp the rules of the English language - which I realize isn’t easy, but she struggled more than most. She wanted to be good at spelling, but she just wasn’t. So she practiced. A lot. She would bring her spelling words home on Monday night, and we would study them. She would then take a test, and write each of the words she missed five times. Then she would repeat the process three times each night. We also tried tricks, rules, quizzes, associations, anything we could think of. By Friday she was no closer to knowing how to spell those words than she was on Monday, and she ended up getting D’s of even F’s week after week. This was SO FRUSTRATING for a girl who’s good at everything. It seriously started to effect her self esteem, but I just didn’t know how to help her. Then when I was talking with Trevor at Ethan’s BIT he mentioned that it helps with spelling, and I knew Adia needed it. 

Since our divorce, Adia has always had a lot of anxiety. She wants to know what “the plan” is and has a hard time when plans change. Every night she would as me to outline everything I was expecting to happen the next day before she would be able to go to sleep. She would get especially anxious when we would do something out of the ordinary, and when she would go visit her dad she would literally make herself sick from worry. I hated that because, as much as I want to, I can’t change the fact that life is sometimes uncertain, and there is simply no way to predict every single thing that is going to happen, nor can I make other people follow our plan. 

I know they sound like little things, but they worried me, and they seriously effected her life. So I decided she better get BIT as well. In her session she was really curious and kept asking Trevor what her brain was telling him. He was mostly honest, but there was some crazy story about a unicorn that I don’t think was quite accurate. She had a lot more emotional stuff to clear than Ethan. She had some hard feelings about the divorce, some grief and loss associated with the adoption, some disappointment toward her dad not always being reliable, and some resentment toward Ethan and I because I spend more time and attention on him. He cleared those things. When her BIT was over she had better decoding skills, could do complex puzzles, had a clearer memory, and could balance better. But she was already fairly good at those things, so the true test came when we were on our way home. Because we were already in the area, we had made arrangements for her to stay the night with her dad. Generally she gets very nervous about her visits, to the point that she even throws up. But this time, as we were getting closer to his house she just kept chatting away like nothing was happening. I kept asking her, “are you okay?”, “How are you feeling?”, “Do you need me to pull over?” but she didn’t. She was totally fine. She never got anxious, even when we pulled up and went inside. She was happy to be there, and when I picked her up the next morning, she said that was the best visit she’d ever had. She isn’t as anxious at home either. She doesn’t need a detailed plan for every day, I can simply say, “I’m going to work, You’re going to school, So and so is picking you up, and I’ll be home around 5.” It’s as easy as that. And if things don’t go the way she thought, she can roll with it better. Over Christmas she went on a trip out of state with her dad. Even though it was the first Christmas she wasn’t with me, and she had been a wreck about it for months before the trip, she took it all in stride. Even when some really big things came up that changed their plan entirely - a few times- she was disappointed, but she didn’t fall apart. She held it together, and had a pretty good time.

She has gotten 100% on every spelling test since the BIT. ( 5 so far) She studies one time each night, and usually by the second night she can get them all right. It is amazing how that has changed her perception of herself. She has always been super smart - ahead of her class in most areas, yet if you would ask her she would tell you she was stupid, all because of  the spelling thing. Now that isn’t an issue, and she feels so much better about herself. I love the confidence this has given her. 

She also has a better relationship with the main players in her life. She has forgiven us, and let go of the hard feelings. She is more patient and caring toward Ethan, and helps him more than she used to. 

She also used to get a little bit of seasonal depression in the winter. It wasn’t a deep scary depression, she just got sluggish, sadder than usual, it was hard to motivate her, and she was kind of apathetic about everything. Now, even though we have had some dark and stormy days weather wise, she has not had any dark and stormy days emotionally. It wasn’t a huge thing, but it matters. 

Now on to me. I am a wreck and always have been, so I knew I needed this! :)

Really, I had a few things that I didn’t know if this would help, but I wanted to give it a try. First, I just wanted to generally think clearer. Things would get cloudy sometimes, I had a hard time remembering things, and I had poor reading retention (not good with me just starting the master’s program). I also have had really bad headaches, sensitive eyes, poor vision, and a poor sense of smell for several years. The doctor thought it was likely caused by a tumor in my pituitary gland, but it wasn’t a big enough deal to remove it. I tried a few things to lessen the symptoms, but nothing really worked, so I just suffered through. The headaches started about 7 years ago - though at the time I didn’t know what caused them - and gradually got worse in intensity and frequency until I had headaches every single day. Sometimes it was just a dull ache, but quite often it was intense pain, and several times a month it was a migraine. It’s hard to be a single mom while working full time and going to school with a migraine. It made everything I did that much harder. In one of our conversations Trevor had mentioned that he can help with pain, so I thought it was worth a try. I also wanted to lose weight. I have tried diet and exercise, and just never got the results I wanted. I know that my weight is tied a lot to my emotions, so I asked Trevor if there was something he could do to help that. 

My experience was a lot like the kids at first. I chose to forgo the testing at the beginning of the session because I already knew it worked, and I didn’t need proof. :) We just chatted aways all morning as Trevor fixed my brain. Then after lunch, we did the marching and balancing thing. I had been nervous about that part for some reason, and started to feel my anxiety rise. I made it through, and we moved on to Trevor telling me a group of numbers and having me repeat them forward and backward. I had been dreading this part for weeks, and almost cancelled my appointment because of the anxiety it caused. I had tried it when my kids were doing it, and I could only get three forward and two backward. I was so embarrassed at how stupid I was, I didn’t want to do it. I started sweating and I could feel my heart racing. Without realizing it I had a white knuckle death grip on the massage table. Trevor asked me what was going on and I explained how nervous I was. Trevor said it was obvious I had some pretty severe test anxiety (I always have) and cleared me of that! Yay! I haven’t taken a test since, but I’m excited to see how it works. I was able to immediately calm down and I was able to repeat 6 numbers forward and 5 backward. - It was working!

Then came the emotional clearing part. With my kids it had been pretty surface level. He didn’t go into a lot of detail with them, and it was fairly painless. But with me I had a lot of emotional stuff I wanted to get rid of. I was pretty open with him about some experiences I have had, and the emotions I have surrounding those experiences. I had some people I had some hard feelings for, and I wanted to let all of that go. So I let my guard down and shared a LOT with Trevor. You totally don’t have to do that if you don’t want to. THe emotional clearing my kids got was sufficient for them, but because I gave him permission to, we went a lot deeper for mine. I specifically wanted to forgive Troy for some things. And I wanted to clear the emotions that were linked to my weight. This is an optional thing, so don’t let it scare you. I won’t go into most of it, but I’ll tell you that it was a little draining. I learned a lot of things about myself that I didn’t know. Immediately I felt lighter and freer. I felt better about myself. I had hope for my future, and confidence in who I was and my ability as a mother, a social worker, and a person. I  can’t explain it really, I just feel like I’m okay, and I’m not sure I’ve ever felt that way before. I have always been my own worst critic, and I’m harder on myself than I have to be. I feel so much pressure to have everything be perfect, and I after BIT I can finally let myself off the hook.

So, let me tell you about my incredible results. First of all, about half way through my session I realized that my head didn’t hurt. I figured it was a coincidence, and I expected it would come back in the late afternoon, which was normal, but it didn’t. So I felt lucky, but expected to get one around bed time, like normal... but I didn’t. So I thought I would probably wake up in the night with one... no... or in the morning... no. Since having BIT done two and a half weeks ago I have not had a single headache. Even when traveling for work (changing elevations used to do me in) or driving on I-15 in rush hour traffic, or in cold weather, or in bright lights, or when spending hours in front of a computer screen (all of which used to bring on headaches). I can’t even  tell you how amazing it is to not be in constant pain. I feel SO MUCH BETTER! It is incredible. So incredible that sometimes it makes me want to cry, I am so grateful. Already I figure I’ve saved about $20-30 just on pain reliever. I used to buy pain reliever more often than I bought milk. It was a weekly staple, and now I’ve had the same full bottle of Excedrin Migraine in my purse for almost three weeks! The next thing I noticed was on the drive home. I have been night blind for my whole life. I have a hard time driving at night because I can’t judge distances. I can’t tell how close cars are to me, I can’t see how soon my turn is coming, I can’t tell how close people are to the curb, so I always think people were running out in front of my car, I could tell a turn was coming up because I could see delineator posts crossing the road, but because I couldn’t judge distance I couldn’t tell which way the turn was. It made life really hard because of the massive amount of traveling I do, there was no way to avoid traveling at night, but it totally wasn’t safe. On my drive home from the BIT, I was able to see! It was amazing, like a whole new world! And since that time I have noticed improvements in my night vision. (Ethan overheard me telling someone that and decided that I would make a great spy because I wouldn’t need night vision goggles - not quite- but for all the difference it makes it might as well be) 

I also have lost 11 pounds since having it done. I have been trying to watch what I eat, but for a series of reasons I haven’t worked out much since having it done. I can’t wait for things to slow down a bit in the next couple of weeks and I can start really working on it and see what kind of results I see! 

My senses are heightened. I can smell better and hear better. I can taste flavors more intensely- which has made cooking a bit tricky, but ultimately will help (I hope). One funny thing is that I can hear singing. Its hard to explain, but I could never hear different voices before. I could tell when someone was noticeably off key, but other than that voices all just blended  together. And I couldn’t hear myself sing at all. Now I can... and I feel the need to apologize. I’m not a good singer, and I am very aware of that now. But it is fun to be able to tell now!:)

My handwriting has improved.

When I would focus on something I used to have to close my left eye. Things were blurry and moved around on me if I didn’t. Now I don’t have to do that. I’m excited because I think I was developing lines around my left eye more than my right, from squinting, and I was worried about that.

I sleep! I have never slept well. In fact that’s what I used to say about Ethan not sleeping - that God had been preparing me for Ethan my whole life, because I never required a lot of sleep. Even after Ethan started sleeping through the night, I never could. I have always had a hard time falling asleep, and a hard time staying asleep. And my sleep was never restful. I can probably count on my fingers the number of good, peaceful dreams I have had in my lifetime. I’m a planner. I lay down to sleep, and I think about all the things I need to get done, and how am I going to help Ethan do better in school, and how soon is Ethan going to wake up, and am I being a good enough mom, how can I be a better one, and what would I do if someone broke into our house right now, how would I get my kids out safely, do they remember the fire escape plan that we practiced, what if we get carjacked, am I doing a good enough job at work, what about so and so’s case, how am I going to get them to follow the service plan so we don’t have to remove their kids, how is court going to go tomorrow, what should I wear to court tomorrow, I need to do laundry, I really need to deep clean my closets, if I clean the kids closets I can donate the clothes that are too small to the family down the street, the lady who lives next door to them has depression- I should visit her more, I need to write a thank you card... and on and on. You can see how it gets out of hand. And when I finally would fall asleep I would dream up the solutions to all of the problems, and I would clean my closet and do the laundry and bake cookies for the depressed lady, and figure out ten different ways to help my clients keep their kids in place, and come up with an escape plan for being car-jacked (FYI crash into something - you will be wearing your seat belt, but carjackers rarely take the time to buckle up...) I would sometimes come up with great plans, but I would wake up more tired than when I went to bed. This problem has become worse since I started at DCFS, because I get too emotionally invested in my cases, and it is a high stress job. I was exhausted. Now I sleep. I still take some time to fall asleep, but I sleep through the night, and I have good dreams about happy things and I wake up refreshed and rested. I have never done that before. It is so nice. For the first few weeks I was constantly tired. But now that I’ve caught up a little I feel so much more rested and it’s amazing how that effects everything else. 

I feel less stressed. I still have all of the same stresses, but they don’t overwhelm me anymore. I can prioritize and let go of things and worry less. 

I can forgive. I’ve always been a good forgiver, but some circumstances in the past few years have made it hard for me to forgive some people who continue to do super crappy things all the time. Now I can see that this is just who they are, and they can’t help it right now. They never learned how to NOT be crappy. And I’m okay with that. I don’t let it control me. They try to crap on me and it just rolls right off my back. And that’s all I’ll say about that - but it really does work, and forgiving is SO freeing!

Trevor says that one side effect of BIT for single people is that they get married! Yay! That hasn’t happened yet, but I’m putting it out there, so you know that all of those great single guys you’ve been hiding away, waiting for me to be ready, you can finally start setting me up because it’s time now! :) I’m even thinking about online dating (Yikes!) and Adia is on board for that. She keeps taking pictures of me to use in my online profile... except they are not flattering. They are pictures of me doing things, like cleaning the toilet, or cooking dinner, or dancing (not well) with Ethan. And today at church when the lady in charge of the old singles activities gave me a flier for the next pot luck fireside Adia told her that I would “definitely be there because it sounds like a great place to meet men.” She’s so helpful! But I am kind of excited about the prospects... not at the potluck, but just the fact that I might not be single forever. 

And I just feel confident. And competent. And I like myself. And that’s pretty great.

Now, just a few more things:

Everyone keeps asking me how much it costs. I won’t lie, it’s expensive. It’s $1500. Trevor has a deal that you pay $1500 for the first person, and then $1250 for each additional person in your immediate family. That’s still a lot. For our family I think considering things like medication, doctor’s appointments, therapy, tutors, etc. that we won’t need now, we will be saving money in the long run. Every situation is different. This is our family, and these are the results we have seen. I can’t guarantee what your results will be, nor do I know what your struggle are. I can’t tell you what to do, and wouldn’t, even if I could. But I will say that after having done it, with the results we have seen I would do it over again. I feel like it was a worthwhile investment for our family, and I have not regrets at all.

I have also been getting a lot of questions about our “brain guy”. (I like calling him that:) There are a lot of options of people who do it, and in my first post I explained how to find one in your area. But I just want to tell you a little about Trevor. I feel like he was absolutely the best person for my family. He is kind and sincere, and caring. He was patient with my kids, which gets BIG brownie points from me. He wasn’t pushy. I’m sure he’s in it to make money, because it’s his career, but I never felt pressured, and I always felt like doing what was best for my family was more important to him than how much he would make. That makes a big difference because its a lot of money to me, and I want to know that I’m spending it on someone who really cares. He was easy to spend time with. That matters when you’re spending ALL DAY LONG with someone. I have actually spent 4 FULL DAYS with him (I went with a friend who had it done too) and I still enjoy his company. :) He knows what he’s doing. He is educated on it, and had answers for all ten million questions I have asked him. He didn’t mind explaining what he was doing, and while I’m sure I am WAY more annoying, than most of his clients, he didn’t act like I bothered him. I felt safe. I know that sounds a little funny to say about someone I don’t really know, but I felt like I could open up to him about the real emotions, and he heard me, he handled those feelings with care, and he didn’t judge me. He wasn’t shocked or horrified by my baggage, but he seemed to really care about helping me get rid of it. He went above and beyond to help us. And he answers my emails. Before and after the BIT I emailed him with questions, concerns, and asking for advice. He was good at getting back to me, even though he really didn’t have to. It’s just nice to know that you have that extra support if you have a question, you know? I was really pleased with our experience with Trevor. I got the feeling that this is a calling for him. Like he was put here to help people. That resonates with me because I feel like I have a similar calling. I like people like that. And I like Trevor. There are other options, and I can’t say what would be best for your family, but I would recommend Trevor, our “brain guy” to anyone. 

And I guess that’s it. If you have any other questions feel free to contact me. 

Brain Integration Part II

So I caught a little flack from some of you for not posting the results last time. I’m sorry about that, and I promise I wasn’t trying to jerk you around, I just thought it was getting too long, and I didn’t want you to stop reading in the middle of the technical stuff and totally miss the AMAZING results. 

So lets get right to it, shall we? 

The results:

Right away I noticed that Ethan was calmer. By the time we headed home it was right in the middle of rush hour traffic on I-15. This usually makes Ethan super anxious and that anxiety manifests itself in him bouncing off the walls. I was expecting him to go a little nuts, but instead... he fell asleep... What?!? He does not sleep in the car - ever. But this time he slept almost the entire 6 hour car ride. I thought that maybe it was just a long day and he had exhausted himself, but when we got home that night around midnight he went straight to bed and slept through the night. Ethan never used to sleep through the night. He averaged about 4-6 hours of sleep a night if we were lucky, and sometimes he would go nights without sleeping at all. This was no problem for him, but it totally wore me out. But I’m happy to say, Ethan has slept through the night every. single. night. since October 30th. That includes Christmas Eve, which, let’s face it, is hard for any kid to sleep through. Not only that, but he used to have nightmares, and yell out in his sleep, and about two to three times a week he would wet the bed. But he hasn’t done any of that since his BIT either! It has been almost 10 years since I was able to sleep through the night. If nothing else had worked, that alone would have been worth it. But that wasn’t even the tip of the iceberg. 

Trevor told us that eventually Ethan would no longer need to be on medication for his ADHD. He told us that it could take up to 6 months to see the full effects, and we should consult Ethan’s doctor to see when and how to take him off of his medication. I didn’t do that. I just stopped giving it to him. He went without it for about 3 weeks, and his behavior was fine. I hardly even noticed a difference at home. But he had a hard time completing his work and staying on task at school, so eventually we put him back on it, and we are in the process of weaning him off of it the right way right now. I’m not discouraged by it at all. It will happen, just not as fast as I was expecting. But I am encouraged that we are at a the point of asking the dosage to be lowered instead of increased at every doctor’s appointment. Before BIT he was at the maximum dosage of adderall recommended for his age, and it worked, but not enough. Now he is taking less, and getting better results, and I have no doubt he will be off of it completely by the 6 month mark.

I also noticed a HUGE change in his logical thinking. Before BIT he couldn’t think beyond the moment or reason very well so he had frequent tantrums because he didn’t understand that if you can’t do something right now, it doesn’t mean you can’t do it ever, and it was hard to talk him down because he couldn’t comprehend reason or explanation. I would consistently not give him what he wanted, and he would consistently get more and more upset and take a long time to work through it. While he would throw his tantrum I would remind him that this is not the way to get what you want, and doing this will only get you the opposite of what you need. And it never helped. Not even once. Which left both of us REALLY upset. Now Ethan can think through things logically. He will begin to throw a tantrum, and I will remind him that this is not the way to get what you want, and he will stop throwing the tantrum and we can talk through better options. Again, WHAT?!? (PS, I’m going to be saying that a lot - get used to it) It took almost 10 years of that never ever working, and finally overnight he gets it! I saw results in this immediately, but it has continued to improve over time as well. Also in the logical thinking department, he is able to think through what he is doing, and makes fewer mistakes in tasks. He can think forward and make an educated guess about consequences of actions, and people’s reactions to things he says or does. This helps him out socially, and also keeps him out of a bit of trouble. He is also doing much better in math because the logic of it makes more sense to him. We used to spend about an hour each night just on math, and now he can usually finish it in class, and when he does bring homework it takes him just a few minutes to complete. I also used to have to stand over him when he would do his homework, but not he usually has it all finished by the time I get home from work, so I just go over it with him and he’s done. Let me tell you how much easier that makes things, it’s like a dream come true.  Trevor told us a cool thing about studying that we are incorporating into our day. When you learn something new you need to learn it three times in 24 hours. You learn it once when you are taught it, then you learn it again within an hour - by doing your class work, then you learn it one more time when you bring it home, and that is how you commit something to memory. Even if he doesn’t have homework he tells me what he learned in school in each of his classes to review. The fact that he can even do that speaks volumes to how much his memory has improved. He used to not be able to tell me anything about the day. He used to not know his friend’s names (they were just called “friend”) he couldn’t remember most of his teacher’s names, he didn’t know our phone number or address, or the thing I just asked him to do. Now he knows all of those things. This has been especially helpful in the school department where concepts build on themselves every day. And those stupid AR tests are no longer a challenge. He can remember the  things he read, and can answer the questions, no problem! That didn’t happen overnight, but as we have practiced and challenged his memory it has gotten stronger and stronger. 

Another thing that had immediate results was his balance. He was pretty proud of himself in Trevor’s office when he could stand on one foot, but when he got home we noticed that he wasn’t falling as much, he wasn’t running into things as much, he could step OVER things instead of ON them, and he could ride his scooter without crashing. I used to think he had super heavy footsteps. You could hear him coming long before he got there. After the brain integration I realized that he didn’t have all that heavy of footsteps, he had just been tripping and banging into things with every step. He can wink, and he can throw popcorn in the air and catch it in his mouth, and he can even hop on one foot! (None of those are a big deal unless you can’t do it, and then it’s very important. This has been a life long dream of Ethan’s) Another of his new favorite games is the hide-behind-something-and-then-jumping-out-to-scare-mom game. He used to try that, but he was so clumsy he couldn’t hold still without making noise, so I always knew he was there, and he never scared me. Now he can! What?! 

He can access all of his emotional memory now. He has really opened up about things that have happened to him. He tells me stories about living with his birth family that I didn’t know before. He has feelings about those things that he can express to me. He has feelings about life, and reactions to the things that happen to him now. He can have a real conversation with me without changing subjects every 10 seconds, or telling me everything there is to know about Transformers. We talk about real, interesting, non-superhero related things now, and I love it. Imagine what that’s like. I had never had a real conversation with my son without having to remind him what we were talking about and constantly keep him on track, before this. Now we can talk about things. He can say something and I can say something, and he responds. It makes me cry because I love it so much!

But I think the best part of it is his confidence. He knows he’s smart, he knows he can do things, he feels like a new person. It makes my heart so happy to see the change in him. He even walks taller and more confidently. Can you imagine living your whole life feeling like a screw up, and then the difference it would make when you were suddenly better at everything? Can you imagine how your whole entire life would change? It has! 

He is still the same kid he always has been, but his life has changed dramatically. And as a result, so has mine. Things that other people take for granted were so hard for us before, but now they are so much easier. And as a busy single mom, having things be even just a little easier is life changing. And to see the quality of life for Ethan improve so dramatically is a joy I can’t even express in words. There are so many more possibilities for his future now. We can make plans and chase dreams that would never have been possible before. That is powerful.

Tune in next week to hear what made me decide to have BIT done on Adia and I and if I  feel like it was the right thing for us.

Also, if you missed Part 1 you can check it out HERE

Brain Integration, Part 1

So today we’re talking about Brain Integration. I wasn’t going to talk about this for a while, but one little Facebook post from a cousin, and suddenly my phone is blowing up and my inbox is full, and I realized I can’t put it off as long as I thought. I’m really excited to share this with you, because it is literally CHANGING OUR LIVES! You’ll see, it’s incredible. But one thing, before I start, I welcome your comments and questions, it’s a super cool thing, and if you didn’t chime in I would be disappointed. However, I do ask  that you be nice. This is some fairly personal information, so treat it with love. You don’t have to agree with me, I’ll respect that, but I just ask that you do the same for me. Thanks!

So what is Brain Integration Technique (BIT)?

Our brains send and receive messages which control our body. When we experience blows to the head, lack of oxygen to the brain, or more commonly, traumatic events, it can block off the pathways in the brain, so messages aren’t sent or received the way they should, or at all. A traumatic event doesn’t have to be some huge, life altering situation, like witnessing a murder, or being caught in a house fire. It could be as simple as a break up, a car accident or even moving to a different town. What one person considers a trauma another person might not, and that’s okay, it’s relative to the person experiencing it. BIT is a technique that helps clear those neuro-pathways allowing the brain to function correctly and the messages to be sent in the fastest, most efficient way possible. This is done through acupressure and kinesiology (no, not needles, that’s acupuncture:) He uses energy, his and yours, to clear the pathways. This isn’t invasive at all, he puts his hands on the top of your head and a few places on the back of your head and neck, and muscle tests on your arm, and that’s about it. So for all of my “no touching” friends, this wouldn’t bother you at all. It takes a long time, depending on how much of your brain is turned off, and how difficult it is to turn it back on. Ethan’s took 9.5 hours, but Adia’s took about 7, mine was about 8. He lets you take little breaks here and there, and an hour lunch, but basically you lay on your back on a massage table for most of the day. He will do several shorter sessions if you would rather, but because we have to travel it just made sense for us to do it all in one day. 

How did this start for us? 

About 4 months ago I was traveling with a friend of mine from work and we were listening to a book by Daniel Siegel called Brainstorming. (On a side note, this is an amazing book, and you should read it if you have an adolescent or will soon. It isn’t another boring brain book, it’s actually a good read, and I would still think that even if I didn’t ordinarily like brain books.) My friend mentioned seeing something about brain integration at an ADHD conference she attended a year or so before. So I came home and started researching it. I found a website www.crossinology.com that is about the technique from the woman who developed it. This gives you a basic overview of what it is. Also on the website she has a list of certified practitioners around the country. I looked at the ones in Utah first, and because I live in the 4 corners area, I also checked out the ones in Colorado, New Mexico, and Arizona as well. I attempted to make contact with every one within a 10 hour radius, some of them I could reach, some never got back in touch with me. I checked out their websites, emailed, and called. I finally decided to go to Trevor Dimick of Rocky Mountain Health and Wellness in South Ogden, Utah. I decided on him for a variety of reasons. His website was good www.helpmenaturally.com and I got a lot of information from it. I also liked the testimonials that were on it. It really spoke to me because it listed a lot of things that Ethan struggles with, and claimed to either cure or at least help with them. I liked that he got back to me right away, even though it was in the evening and not during business hours - he explained that he gives his undivided attention to his clients during business hours, and I respect that because when he is working on us I knew he wouldn’t be answering his phone or texts in the middle of our session. I liked that he was honest with me and sincerely cared about doing what was best for my family, not what would make him the most money. He told me that he honestly didn’t know how much it could help Ethan because Ethan has Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, which is damage to the brain, and BIT doesn’t fix brain damage. There are a lot of symptoms Ethan has that could be caused from brain damage, OR they could be caused from trauma, and there was just no way to know for sure before doing it. He told me to think about it a lot before deciding whether or not to try it. He didn’t pressure me into it, and he even offered to research a few places and refer one closer to us if that would help. He was concerned about us more than he was concerned about our business. I liked that a lot because several of the other people I talked to seemed to be willing to tell me anything I wanted to hear just to get my business. (Two even told me they COULD cure brain damage, but couldn’t give me concrete information about it) But more importantly was the “vibe” I got from him. I rely a lot on guidance from God to tell me what to do with Ethan. It is a deal He and I made when I decided to adopt Ethan, and so far He has never let me down. He sometimes gives me good or bad vibes to help me know which good choice is the best one for us. Trevor got the good vibes and everyone else got the bad vibes. This doesn’t mean that none of the other practitioners are good for anyone else, it just means this was the right choice for us. And now that it’s over I can say with confidence just how glad I am we went to Trevor. I’ll talk more about that later.

We started off with Ethan first. They claimed it could cure ADHD, which sounded a little too good to be true, but worth a try. We also hoped it would help with his memory. He had a terrible memory. When he started 6th grade it took him three months to learn his class schedule and stop getting lost. It took him almost the entire school year to get his locker open. We have lived in the same house for over a year and he still couldn’t remember how to get there from school. We had the same phone number for two and a half years, and he couldn’t remember it. We literally spent hundreds of hours working on memorizing his multiplication facts, and still didn’t have them down. And don’t get me started on those stupid AR tests where you read a book and then take a test on them - he was a pretty good reader - grade level and everything, but he could NEVER pass those tests because he could’t remember what he had read. Memory caused problems in every area of his life, really. We were told it would help him do better in school, and that is the biggest thing I was looking for. I just wanted life to be a little easier. This year he has started to be required to do  things that I can’t help him with as much, and I know that is only going to get worse as he grows, so I wanted to see if this could help him become a little more independent which would make his life more full and happy, as well as easier. In turn this would make my life easier too, which is no small thing. There were other things that sounded great, but I went deciding that if it helped even just a little with those three things - ADHD, memory, and school performance, I would consider it a success and anything else was just a bonus. 

What was it like?

When I made the appointment Trevor sent me some forms to fill out about Ethan. There was some basic information about him, some details about his birth and toddlerhood, which, with some help from our birth family I did my best on, and a checklist of things Ethan struggled with. It also asked for any additional information that I thought would be helpful, where I told about his history, his adoption, the divorce, moving, and anything else I thought might be considered a trauma. I didn’t go into great detail, but let Trevor know of the main incidents. It might sound invasive, but it really wasn’t. And you can give as much or as little info as you feel comfortable with. On the day we went my biggest fear was that Ethan wouldn’t stay still all day long. If you’ve met Ethan you know he was a lot like that dog on UP! (Squirrel!) and I thought getting him to stay still and focus for that long was going to be a disaster. The good thing is, it was very interactive. We started out with a few tests. One was for reading comprehension, one was decoding some numbers and symbols, one was listening to a group of numbers and being able to repeat them forward and backward. Ethan did pretty poorly on the reading comprehension part, though he did better than I expected him to. He also did poorly on the decoding. He could remember three numbers forward, and two backward. Then he laid down on his back on a large massage table, and Trevor went to work. He did muscle testing, and acupressure. Ethan just chatted away to the guy, he didn’t have to hold too still or be quiet, or concentrate, which was a huge relief to me. Trevor allowed him to take a couple of breaks, stretch his legs and get a drink. He told us some of the things he was discovering as we went along. Some of his senses were off, he was mixing up left and right, he had an avoidance to florescent lights, and he had way too much peripheral vision (which is pretty common in ADHD kids - it’s why they get distracted so often). But one of the coolest things he told us - I thought anyway, was about memory. Trevor explained that up is where you access your visual memory - so when you are trying to remember a phone number you look up, side to side is your creative memory - when you tell a lie you usually look to the side, and down is your emotional memory - like when you are ashamed you look down, etc. So he took a pen and told Ethan to follow it with his eyes. He did okay side to side, but when he tried to access the visual memory Ethan struggled. Trevor did some clearing and eventually he was able to follow the pen both side to side as well as upward. Then he tried downward. Ethan’s eyes couldn’t follow the pen downward at all. They kept bouncing back up. That makes a lot of sense as I think about it. Ethan has been through a lot of trauma in his life. A LOT. Yet he never seems phased by it, it doesn’t bother him, he bounces back right away without getting upset or falling apart. At some point his brain must have decided, this is too much to deal with, and just shut down that part so he wouldn’t have to be hurt over and over. While this might sound like a good thing - he didn’t have to experience loss and hurt and pain, he also wasn’t accessing happiness and closeness and relationships the way he should. It took a really long time, but finally he was able to clear those pathways. He warned me that Ethan would probably talk a lot about the things that had happened to him, but he said not to worry about it, because he would do some emotional clearing at the end, so it wouldn’t be difficult for him. He would be able to identify the emotion and talk about it, but it wouldn’t re-traumatize him. After that we stopped for lunch. After lunch we did balancing. Ethan has never been able to balance at all. He would fall walking across a flat floor. He tripped over nothing. He constantly ran into door frames, and people and tripped going up stairs. So when Trevor asked him to stand on one foot I told him there was no chance that could happen. Ethan didn’t know how. Trevor promised to change that, so I sat back and watched. Through a LOT of clearing Trevor was able to help Ethan stand on either foot for 8 seconds. I was thrilled. This was more than I could have hoped for! But then Trevor told him to stand on one foot with his eyes closed. If you’ve never tried it before you should, it’s harder than it sounds. You use a different part of the brain to do that. Oh man, I thought Ethan was going to break his head open. He could stand fine with his eyes closed, but the second he closed his eyes he fell right over! It was crazy! So after a LOT more clearing he got Ethan to balance on his left leg with his eyes closed for 8 seconds, but still could only get 6 seconds out of the right leg with his eyes closed. Trevor said it might be something caused by the brain damage, but I was impressed anyway, so we moved on. Next came marching. He did a series of 6 different kinds of marching )same hand and foot, opposite hand and foot, same with humming, opposite with counting, etc.) which helped his right and left brains work together better. Then it was back on the table again to work on memory. He had Ethan remember numbers forward and backward like they had done at the beginning of the day. With testing and clearing Ethan was eventually able to remember 4 numbers forward and 4 backward, which is age appropriate (and which I NEVER dreamed was possible for Ethan) Then he did some emotional clearing. I won’t go into a lot of that, but Trevor  talked to Ethan about his birth family, his adoption, the divorce, and several significant people, and incidents in his life, and cleared the negative emotions. When all of that was over, he tested Ethan again. He was able to do much better with the reading comprehension, and the decoding, he was able to put together some puzzles, which he hadn’t been able to do well before. And then it was time to go. Trevor told me it takes up to six months to see the full effects, though we would see some things immediately, and it is important to keep practicing those exercises (balancing, testing comprehension, testing memory, etc.) in order to strengthen them and see bigger improvements. He sent us home with a reading list for me, and a study guide for Ethan to help him learn his math facts better. 

Because it was so interactive, and he was given time to move around here and there, it wasn’t as hard for Ethan as I thought it would be. He handled it really well, and while we was pretty ready to get out of there by the time it was over, he did a great job sitting still, and Trevor was very patient and not at all annoyed by Ethan. I know a lot of my autistic or ADHD parent friends are out there thinking “I would love to do this, but there is no way my kid will sit still that long.” I get you. I had the same concerns. I can’t say how your child will react. But I do know that Trevor was excellent to work with, and mentioned to me that he has worked with Autistic kids, in the past. He said he is willing to do shorter sessions to accommodate special needs. And he has tons of experience with kids with short attention spans - ADHD sufferers make up the majority of his clients.

And next, what you’ve all been waiting for: Have we seen any results?

YES! Holy Crap, have we ever!

But this post has already been WAY too long, so I’ll save all of that for my next post. Be looking for it some time in the next week.

Did Ya Miss Me?

So, it's been almost a year since my last blog post, and maybe you missed me and maybe you didn't even notice I was gone, but either way, I'm back. I took a break from blogging last year because I thought I was too busy. And I am busy. But I'm not too busy to watch my favorite TV shows, or to take a nap on the weekends, or to craft, or cook big elaborate meals that no one eats, or a million other little things that don't matter. And this matters. If not for any other reason, it helps me review the big moments of the year for my Christmas card. This year our card was lame because I didn't have the blog to remind me of what happened. :) Anyway, I'm back, and I'm going to try to be back every single week of the entire year. They might not all be significant posts, but my goal is to post something each and every week. So hold me to that, if I haven't posted in a while tell me to kick it into gear. Thanks, friend.

So now on to my yearly goal. If you've followed me for very long you know I hate new years resolutions, and prefer, instead, to find a theme for the year that can encompass all the things I want to accomplish during the year, without being too specific so I don't set myself up for failure... :) Last year we tried to "give a little bit more", and I think it was a success. We changed, we grew, and we became a little bit better people. The big "wins" include me seeing more successes in my cases because of the extra effort I put into supporting my families, Ethan saw better success at school, both in grades, as well as navigating school life a little better, and Adia having some really touching experiences as she noticed and tried to include kids at school who really needed a friend. I'm proud of the changes we saw, and the experiences we have had, and I think we will try to continue on with that.

This year I have thought a lot about what I wanted our goal to be. We are in a place in our life where things have steadied and we can now look back on everything and see the blessings and the beauty in the way things are turning out. We have a pretty great life - not to brag or anything, but we are super blessed. I'm a firm believer that the harder I work the luckier I get, but I am also very aware that I  can't do everything, and I recognize the hand that God, and many others have had in getting us to where we are. So this year our goal is "Be Grateful".

I think it is just what we need right now. And I think it will help us in a lot of different areas. If we are grateful for our house, we won't complain about cleaning it and caring for it, if we are grateful for school we won't complain about going, or about doing homework, and we will give our best effort all the time. If I am grateful for my job, I will be happier to go there, and will do my best work all the time. If I am grateful for my health I will eat better and exercise more, and take better care of myself. If I'm grateful to be out of my truly horrific marriage I wouldn't complain so much about being single. (That doesn't mean that if you have a great guy for me you can't set me up though:) If I am grateful for the people in my life I will be careful about the way I treat them, and make them feel like the beautiful gift they are. If I am grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ, I will happily and willingly do the things asked of me to maintain the church and further the work (even if that means Primary:). The list goes on and on. There is no end to the way this goal can change our lives, and in turn, the lives of others! When I think about it, it makes me pretty excited!

But I do realize it's not just as easy as that. If it were, I would already have an attitude of change, because I'm already thankful for those things. It's more than just being grateful, it is an actual change of heart and mind. And it's going to take some effort. It will take me reminding myself, and my family reminding each other, and maybe even you reminding me, until it becomes a habit. It will also require me investing a little more into everything I do, and opening my ears and closing my mouth. And I have some great projects planned - things that will consistently push me to express my gratefulness on a regular basis. Things like writing thank you notes, baring my testimony, and doing more service. It will push me out of my comfort zone, and make me take the time to write letters or make phone calls (this one might kill me, I HATE talking on the phone!) It will be something to work at, but I hope that it will make our little family happier, and put things into perspective a little bit.

So now it's your turn, what are your goals for the new year?