I am really lucky in my life right now. I have the opportunity to work at a really amazing place with truly phenomenal people. My job is caring about people! Isn't that cool. We help others, celebrate the strengths in the people we serve, and encourage our clients to find the beauty that is inside all of them. I love the work we are doing. I love the person it is helping me become. Anyway, in this job I have the opportunity to attend a lot of conferences and trainings, and a few weeks ago I was able to watch this movie as part of a training. Since then I haven't been able to get it out of my head. I think of it all the time in reference to myself, and to people around me who are facing some struggles right now. I think there are two things we can do when faced with a challenge. We can let it destroy us or we can let it shape us into something better. But either way we can't stay the same, we change one way or another. I love the message in this movie. It's about 20 minutes long, so it's an investment, but it is totally worth it. I'm not kidding, it is probably the best movie I've seen all year - and you know how many movies I watch. I hope you will take the time to watch it, you won't be sorry. And if you do, I would love to hear your reactions.
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Gun control?
What were you doing on Friday, December 14th 2012? Were you taking a walk in the new fallen snow? Were you busily getting ready for Christmas festivities? Were you at school or at work dreaming of being somewhere else? Or were you, like me, glued to your television set with tears rolling down your cheeks as you watched the tragedy at the Sandy Hook school unfold? Although it is a horrible thing, I couldn't stop watching the updates. I wanted to know what was going on. I wanted to know what had caused this. I wanted to hear that it was all a big mistake and somehow they would discover that, in fact, no one had actually been harmed. I wanted to rush to the school and get my "babies" and bring them home where they would be safe. Instead I just sat there, in shock, unbelieving. I felt so horrible for the children and the teacher in the school, both those who didn't make it, and those who will be forever haunted by the things they survived. I felt so much sorrow for the families who had lost their loved ones in this meaningless act. I wondered about the shooter, and what his life must have been like, and I ached for the family that he left behind as well. My heart broke that day. It is still broken.
It has been interesting to me to see the way this has brought policy to the forefront. From what it sounds like in the early reports, the school had a plan in place for if something like this happened. They had done drills, and planned, and they had safety measures in place. And from what it sounds like, every one did what they were supposed to do in the situation. There are stories all over the Internet about heroes who saved the lives of the students. Everyone from teachers to students, to the janitor saved lives, some even giving their own to do it. They had a plan, and acted on it, and surely if they hadn't things would have been much worse, but the fact that it could happen at all means there were flaws in the plan. So now, there is a lot of talk about gun control. If you are on Facebook, no doubt you have been over run with comments, posts, or pictures either for or against gun control. It's all over the news. People are talking about it like crazy. I for one love guns. My family hunts, we own a lot of guns. We have used guns for generations. Some of my favorite memories involve hunting for deer, or shooting prairie dogs, or even just taking my kids out to shoot pop bottles with BB guns. I am responsible when I use those guns, I teach my children to be responsible, to respect the power they hold in their hands each time they pick up a gun. I don't want anyone to take away the right I have to use guns. I cherish that right. At the same time, I do think things could change about the way we buy or sell guns, and ammo. I also think that the kinds of guns we can buy could change. I think that there needs to be some better rules in place, and more enforcement of those rules. But do I think for a minute that those rules are going to cut down on horrific tragedies like the one in Connecticut? Absolutely not! I don't think that someone who wants to kill people is going to read that doing so is against the law and change their mind about doing it. The fact is, people who do things like this know they aren't "choosing the right", and if we think that making more laws or stricter laws is going to make them not do this we are seriously mistaken. And as my best friend has quoted to me many times over the last several months as we have discussed tragedies like this, " The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun." (Wayne LaPierre... and Levi)
I guess what I'm trying to say is that we are going about this all wrong. I don't think that gun control is going to change things. I think the thing that needs to change is the way we look at and deal with mental illness. And I think if we change those things it really can stop tragedies like this from happening. There are rumors floating around all over the place about the about Adam Lanza's mental illnesses. As of the time I am writing this, none of those things have been confirmed, so I don't know what, if any diagnosis he might have. However, a person who would commit an act like this one is no doubt, not thinking realistically of consequences.
One thing that needs to change is our view of mental illness. One thing that bugs me is when people claim to have a mental illness and they don't. For instance, I am always hearing things like "I'm so depressed" or " You're so retarded" or "My OCD is acting up again". I can't stand that. Sometimes people get sad. That is totally different from being depressed. And saying dumb things doesn't make you retarded, nor does enjoying things to be clean make you OCD any more than liking pasta makes you Italian. When we use expressions like this we cheapen what mental illness is. We are telling people who have it that it isn't important and what they are experiencing is no different than any other person. Mental illness is real. Mental illness is not something that you can turn on and off, or something that having a good day will fix. It is something that takes time and effort to control. By using expressions like this we are making it more difficult for people who really do suffer from these things to be taken seriously, or to even seek treatment in the first place.
Another problem with mental health in our country is the way we take care of Our mentally ill. We don't. There are so many laws in place to "protect the rights" of the mentally ill, that they have taken away all hope of actually helping them. With treatment centers and hospitals being all but nonexistent and laws to access treatment so impossible to navigate, the only help for most mentally ill is jail. Even lawyers, doctors and social workers will tell you that the best way to get treatment for your mentally ill loved one is to get them to commit a crime. If they are in the system they are guaranteed treatment, and forced to comply, if they aren't, they will rarely get the help they need, and if they do, they will rarely stay with the program. Most mentally ill people don't realize that they are mentally ill all the time, so getting them to stay on a treatment plan is difficult without help. But that help isn't available to people unless they are in the court system. And let's face it, someone who is depressed, or bipolar, or schizophrenic or autistic, or any other variety of mental illness DOES NOT BELONG IN JAIL! That is not the place that will help them. That is not the kind of discipline that will work with them. There are no conditions in a jail that will benefit a mentally ill person... But, that is the only option. That leaves people who don't make it into the court system running around with no treatment and then we wonder why things like mass shootings happen. Let me say right here, possibly the most important part of this entire post, not all people with a mental illness will turn into murderers. In fact only a slight percentage will ever even be violent. We should NOT fear the mentally ill. But some mental illness, if left untreated, or if self medicated, or if ignored and suppressed for too long, can result in tragedies like the one we just experienced.
And one more problem we face when it comes to mental illness is health care. Treating a mental illness is expensive! In our country today many people can't afford health insurance at all, and many of those don't cover mental health. There have been laws passed in recent years to try to correct that, but as of yet, it hasn't helped at all. The large majority of people in our country must pay for any mental health care out of pocket, and who can afford that? Certainly not the vast majority of those who need it. Unless we address this problem, as well at the others surrounding mental health we will continue to have heart breaking, gut wrenching, life changing moments like the one we experienced last Friday.
If this topic is something you would like to know more about I really liked THIS article. It puts things into perspective a little bit from someone who lives it. And an excellent book that will change t he way you look at the mental health system in America is CRAZY by Pete Early. I recommend them both.
It has been interesting to me to see the way this has brought policy to the forefront. From what it sounds like in the early reports, the school had a plan in place for if something like this happened. They had done drills, and planned, and they had safety measures in place. And from what it sounds like, every one did what they were supposed to do in the situation. There are stories all over the Internet about heroes who saved the lives of the students. Everyone from teachers to students, to the janitor saved lives, some even giving their own to do it. They had a plan, and acted on it, and surely if they hadn't things would have been much worse, but the fact that it could happen at all means there were flaws in the plan. So now, there is a lot of talk about gun control. If you are on Facebook, no doubt you have been over run with comments, posts, or pictures either for or against gun control. It's all over the news. People are talking about it like crazy. I for one love guns. My family hunts, we own a lot of guns. We have used guns for generations. Some of my favorite memories involve hunting for deer, or shooting prairie dogs, or even just taking my kids out to shoot pop bottles with BB guns. I am responsible when I use those guns, I teach my children to be responsible, to respect the power they hold in their hands each time they pick up a gun. I don't want anyone to take away the right I have to use guns. I cherish that right. At the same time, I do think things could change about the way we buy or sell guns, and ammo. I also think that the kinds of guns we can buy could change. I think that there needs to be some better rules in place, and more enforcement of those rules. But do I think for a minute that those rules are going to cut down on horrific tragedies like the one in Connecticut? Absolutely not! I don't think that someone who wants to kill people is going to read that doing so is against the law and change their mind about doing it. The fact is, people who do things like this know they aren't "choosing the right", and if we think that making more laws or stricter laws is going to make them not do this we are seriously mistaken. And as my best friend has quoted to me many times over the last several months as we have discussed tragedies like this, " The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun." (Wayne LaPierre... and Levi)
I guess what I'm trying to say is that we are going about this all wrong. I don't think that gun control is going to change things. I think the thing that needs to change is the way we look at and deal with mental illness. And I think if we change those things it really can stop tragedies like this from happening. There are rumors floating around all over the place about the about Adam Lanza's mental illnesses. As of the time I am writing this, none of those things have been confirmed, so I don't know what, if any diagnosis he might have. However, a person who would commit an act like this one is no doubt, not thinking realistically of consequences.
One thing that needs to change is our view of mental illness. One thing that bugs me is when people claim to have a mental illness and they don't. For instance, I am always hearing things like "I'm so depressed" or " You're so retarded" or "My OCD is acting up again". I can't stand that. Sometimes people get sad. That is totally different from being depressed. And saying dumb things doesn't make you retarded, nor does enjoying things to be clean make you OCD any more than liking pasta makes you Italian. When we use expressions like this we cheapen what mental illness is. We are telling people who have it that it isn't important and what they are experiencing is no different than any other person. Mental illness is real. Mental illness is not something that you can turn on and off, or something that having a good day will fix. It is something that takes time and effort to control. By using expressions like this we are making it more difficult for people who really do suffer from these things to be taken seriously, or to even seek treatment in the first place.
Another problem with mental health in our country is the way we take care of Our mentally ill. We don't. There are so many laws in place to "protect the rights" of the mentally ill, that they have taken away all hope of actually helping them. With treatment centers and hospitals being all but nonexistent and laws to access treatment so impossible to navigate, the only help for most mentally ill is jail. Even lawyers, doctors and social workers will tell you that the best way to get treatment for your mentally ill loved one is to get them to commit a crime. If they are in the system they are guaranteed treatment, and forced to comply, if they aren't, they will rarely get the help they need, and if they do, they will rarely stay with the program. Most mentally ill people don't realize that they are mentally ill all the time, so getting them to stay on a treatment plan is difficult without help. But that help isn't available to people unless they are in the court system. And let's face it, someone who is depressed, or bipolar, or schizophrenic or autistic, or any other variety of mental illness DOES NOT BELONG IN JAIL! That is not the place that will help them. That is not the kind of discipline that will work with them. There are no conditions in a jail that will benefit a mentally ill person... But, that is the only option. That leaves people who don't make it into the court system running around with no treatment and then we wonder why things like mass shootings happen. Let me say right here, possibly the most important part of this entire post, not all people with a mental illness will turn into murderers. In fact only a slight percentage will ever even be violent. We should NOT fear the mentally ill. But some mental illness, if left untreated, or if self medicated, or if ignored and suppressed for too long, can result in tragedies like the one we just experienced.
And one more problem we face when it comes to mental illness is health care. Treating a mental illness is expensive! In our country today many people can't afford health insurance at all, and many of those don't cover mental health. There have been laws passed in recent years to try to correct that, but as of yet, it hasn't helped at all. The large majority of people in our country must pay for any mental health care out of pocket, and who can afford that? Certainly not the vast majority of those who need it. Unless we address this problem, as well at the others surrounding mental health we will continue to have heart breaking, gut wrenching, life changing moments like the one we experienced last Friday.
If this topic is something you would like to know more about I really liked THIS article. It puts things into perspective a little bit from someone who lives it. And an excellent book that will change t he way you look at the mental health system in America is CRAZY by Pete Early. I recommend them both.
Sunday, December 9, 2012
Christmas Cards
Well, it's time once again for Christmas Cards!
(I have to tell you, I love this season mostly because of the Christmas Cards)
I know I'm a little behind, but I am trying to get my cards out soon. The problem is, that in the "Big Move" this summer, I somehow lost my address book.
So... if you want a card, I need your address.
Don't be shy, I really want to send one to YOU, I just can't.
So PLEASE, leave your address in the comments section, or email me at eberling2@msn.com Thanks!
Friday, November 30, 2012
That's all folks...
Well, today is the last day of Adoption Awareness Month. Thanks to everyone who participated in one way or another. I had so much more planned, and I didn't get it accomplished... Oh well, there's no rule that I can only post it in November, right?
Anyway, a tradition I have each year is to post our adoption story. It's long but worth it, so if you have some time, feel free to read it HERE
But if you've been around a while and already read it, I want to share another beautiful adoption story with you. My friend Lindsey just adopted her third son a couple of weeks ago. Her family has had a rough year where adoptions are concerned. At the beginning of the year they had a failed adoption plan where the birth mother changed her mind before the baby was born. Then this summer they had a reversed adoption where the birth mother placed with them and then for various reasons changed her mind. (Please no unkind comments here, both of these women have rights, and did it for their own reasons. We don't know what is in their hearts, so we can't judge.) So this little angel and his brave birth mom has blessed them in amazing ways. Go HERE to read Lindsey's thoughts during the placement process. It is a beautiful story, and is beautifully written. But the thing that will get you is the pictures. As someone who has experienced this before, I can attest, the pictures truly communicate the feelings of the moment. Grab a tissue, because you're gonna need it!
And happy adoption awareness month!
Anyway, a tradition I have each year is to post our adoption story. It's long but worth it, so if you have some time, feel free to read it HERE
But if you've been around a while and already read it, I want to share another beautiful adoption story with you. My friend Lindsey just adopted her third son a couple of weeks ago. Her family has had a rough year where adoptions are concerned. At the beginning of the year they had a failed adoption plan where the birth mother changed her mind before the baby was born. Then this summer they had a reversed adoption where the birth mother placed with them and then for various reasons changed her mind. (Please no unkind comments here, both of these women have rights, and did it for their own reasons. We don't know what is in their hearts, so we can't judge.) So this little angel and his brave birth mom has blessed them in amazing ways. Go HERE to read Lindsey's thoughts during the placement process. It is a beautiful story, and is beautifully written. But the thing that will get you is the pictures. As someone who has experienced this before, I can attest, the pictures truly communicate the feelings of the moment. Grab a tissue, because you're gonna need it!
And happy adoption awareness month!
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Taco Tuesday?
A few weeks ago the kids and I were staying with my parents for the weekend. I had been outside workingwith my dad, and the kids were inside helping my mom make dinner. When we walked in I could smell that we were having tacos. I said "Oh, I think I smell Mexican!" Adia popped her head out of the kitchen and said "Well, there are two Mexicans in here, but if you smell something, it's probably Ethan."
Did you know Adia is Mexican? She is partially. Her Birth Father is part hispanic, and lately, for whatever reason, she has really been trying to connect with her hispanic haritage. One thing that I think is really important when it comes to adoption is to let the kids find out where they come from if they want. I'm not saying to force them to connect with their haritage if they don't want to, but I think that if they have an interest they should be allowed, and you should help them find out information that can help them discover that part of who they are.
I'm not hispanic, and I don't even know very much about that culture. Troy's Grandpa lived right on the Mexican boarder when he grew up, and his mother was Mexican and his father was American, so Troy has some Mexican blood running through his veins as well. However, his grandpa passed away several years ago, and other than owning a vacation home in Mexico, none of his family connects with the Mexican culture at all. So that isn't any help. We have been to Mexico on several occasions, but the area we go to is very "Americanized" and is a tourist town, so that doesn't give the kids a very good point of reference. So, the question is, how do I begin to help Adia connect with who she is?
I'm going to tell you what we are doing, and you are more than welcome to chime in with other advice or ideas in the comment section. This is something we are taking really seriously around here. (If you know Adia, you know that once she sets her mind to something you can't do anything but take it seriously) So we would love to hear what YOU do to honor your haritage.
1. We have a huge advantage in that we have an open adoption. We have the opportunity to ASK her birth family about their history. I'm not even sure how much they connect with that part of their haritage, but at least they would be able to tell us about their history, and give her a greater understanding about where they come from and what traditions are a part of their lives. Because this is something that she wants I think in this instance she should be the one driving the persuit of it. I want her to take the lead and I just back her up, so she is in the process of drafting a letter to her Papa Steve asking questions about her family history, where they started out, and how they ended up in California, what their traditions are, etc. It's something that she is really working hard on, and I'm impressed with the things she wants to know, and the way she's thinking it through. I hope that this will give us a starting place to do some good research.
2. We are trying to learn the language. When Adia was little she thought that "Adios" was a personal greeting to her. You know, ADIE-OS. (I'm slightly ashamed of the American accent that is promanant in her pronunciation of the word... who taught her that? :) She would say goodbye to other people using the same greeting, "Grandma- os" "Ethan-os" "Mama-os". We are moving past that now, and pushing on to real words. We are just in the beginning stages, but we are starting to learn. We found a really cool website that helps you learn in an easy way and we are all benefiting from this.
3. We are getting into the food. We are taking it beyond "Taco Tuesday" and trying real, authentic Mexican dishes. We have a few recipes that have come from Troy's family cookbooks, and have tried things like tortillas, stuffed jalapenios and tamales. We have also tried some things we have found on the internet. This is one of the questions in Adia's letter to her birth grandpa, if maybe he has some family recipes he would share with her.
4. We are reading books about Mexico, Mexican history and children's lives there. We have learned a lot, but would love any suggestions of websites or books, or movies that could help us.
5. Finally, I just let her "be Mexican". She doesn't look like it or act like it or sound like it, but it's part of her, and if she wants to embrace that part of her, my job as her mom is to support her in that.
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Trusting in the Lord
I love this one. Even if this isn't your particular struggle, I think the lesson applies to everyone. God has plans for you, and sometimes it isn't what you have planned. But His view is always, ALWAYS better than yours, so even if it hurts a little bit getting there, the place He leads you is always the place you need to be.
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Adoption and Abortion
Well, it's no secret that I love birth families. I think that they are the strongest, bravest, most selfless people on the planet. This is a really great video from the perspective of a birth mom. Check it out.
Monday, November 19, 2012
Handed down...
I'm pretty sure this is a real statistic :)
A lot of times people tell Adia or me that we look alike. We hear all the time things like "You have your mom's eyes." or "Your daughter has your nose." And always, always when someone says that we smile and say "thank you" and then we look at each other and wink and giggle. We laugh because we have a secret. While we do look a lot alike, she doesn't have MY eyes or MY nose or MY round face or MY elf shaped ears or MY crooked pinkies or MY monkey feet. While I do have all of those things, she didn't get them from me at all. It's funny because Ethan looks a lot like Troy too, and when we were together people never questioned if we were family because we looked like we "fit". I have no doubt that if Troy and I had biological children together that they would look a lot like Ethan and Adia. This isn't particularly common with adopted families like ours, and while it wouldn't make any difference as far as acceptance into our family, it does make me a little bit proud.
We have an open adoption with our kid's birth dad's family. When we picked Ethan up for placement we had the opportunity to meet a lot of the family in person, and to look through old pictures of their birth dad. I loved that because they look just like them as well. It's so cool to me to realize that there is a whole other family who has no biological relation to me whatsoever, but we have a bond through these beautiful babies, and we can share them AND share beautiful eyes and puggy noses. It's a cool kind of connection. Over the years I have been able to connect with some of the family through Facebook, and it's fun to look at pictures of their kids and see the resemblance to my kids. It's fun to see the kids "fit" there as well. That's the cool thing about open adoption. We have the opportunity to get to know where the kids really get these things. This is something we would always wonder about otherwise. So while I do think they get their awesomeness from me, there is quite a bit of that running through their biological family as well. :)
Saturday, November 17, 2012
5th annual Q&A - The answers.
Alright, we had some great questions this year, and I can't wait to share my answers with you,but before I do I want to add a little something. Every year I post the questions as direct quotes. The question you read here is the EXACT question I was asked (with the exception of: if the same question is asked by multiple people I choose just one question to post rather than posting all of them.) I feel like if I didn't do that I would be compromising the question. I feel really strongly about that. However, sometimes questions are not asked in the most appropriate language. Not like cussing, people, more like offensive wording. I post those questions word for word as well, and every year - last year in particular- I receive emails from people who think I should reword the question in a less offensive way. I'm not going to do that. BUT I have thought a lot about this, and I've come to a conclusion. Adoption Awareness Month is about educating people about adoption, and part of that can, and should include educating people about how to be supportive to the adoptive community, rather than offensive. A lot of times people use terms that they don't realize is grating on the nerves of people who are a part of the adoption triad. For example, a lot of people say " She gave up her baby." Imagine, if you were a birth mother and had made an unbelievably selfless sacrifice and you deserve to be honored for your choice, and people keep telling you that you "gave up". That probably wouldn't help your heart to heal, would it? The more appropriate term would be to say "She placed her baby for adoption". See, we are all getting smarter already :) SO this year I have decided to do things slightly differently. I am still posting the actual question, but I am addressing the more appropriate way to ask it. Please do not be offended if I do this on your question. I truly believe that each of you have the very best of intentions. I am just hoping to make a difference, and if I can change the language of even just a few of the people who read this, I feel like I'm doing something. So now lets get on with it...
Q: I'm not ready to adopt yet but am planning on it. Is there anything I can do to prepare (multiple years before being ready for it)
A: There are some great things you can do right now. First, it's a really great idea to figure out how you feel about adoption. I'm not kidding. Sometimes people rush into it, or make plans because they think that's what they are "supposed to" do. In reality, adoption is a big deal, and it isn't for everyone, so if you are thinking about adopting, you first need to figure out where you head is in regards to the real issues you are going to have to face. You can do this through seeing a counselor or psychiatrist, a church leader, a respected friend, through journaling - whatever works best for you. Another thing you can do is research. There are a lot of different options when it comes to adoption, and now is a great time to figure out which you are interested in and which you are not. You can also learn more about the process of adoption- this is something I wish I would have done before hand. And then there is always the money factor. Adoption is usually pretty expensive, and now is a great time to start saving up. Whatever you choose to do or not to do, good luck on your journey. If you ever have any other questions, please fill free to ask me.
Q: What if you are old (almost 46) and you think your home and your heart will have room in a couple years to welcome a little older kid, like maybe 8 or older but you really have issues with the foster care system? Are there other avenues to go through for something like that?
A:Opening your heart to an older kid is a great idea! Most kids over the age of 5 will never be adopted and eventually end up aging out of the system with no support to lean on as they go through those tough transitioning years. In my job, this is something that we focus a lot on - finding placements for older kids - if not adoptive, at least a supportive family who will give them a place to come for holidays and be there at their graduation to cheer them on. It makes a HUGE difference when it comes to how successful the child will be in the future. There are literally hundreds of thousands of older kids who are available for adoption in our country RIGHT NOW! Unfortunately finding them without Foster Care involvement is a very rare thing. There are a few options, for example, if the parent is going to terminate custody without having involvement from the state (for example, the teen is too much for the parent to handle, and they just can't take it anymore, and want to get rid of the child - surprisingly it happens), and you catch them BEFORE they relinquish or report to the court you could possibly work out a private adoption- though knowing someone who is going to do this, and catching them before they report it would be really rare. And it's not like you can put out an ad in the paper: seeking fed up parent of teen/ tween looking to free themselves of responsibility... I'm pretty sure there are laws against that:) Or, occasionally an agency will get a sibling placement with an older child - but that is rare, and most agencies now don't even accept older children now. And of course there is always international adoption, which would be the most likely way to find an older child. But unfortunately, if you want to adopt domestically, you will probably have to go through the Foster System. Believe me - I have first hand knowledge that a lot of people hate Foster, especially in your area, and I know that there are some huge issues that need to be changed - even as an employee, I can say that. But if you are really serious about adopting an older child, you will probably just have to jump through the hoops and deal with the system. There are some things that you can do to help the process run more smoothly though, and the biggest one is to become educated. If you know more about the process, you won't be blind sided by things the way I was when I adopted my kids. You will also be more patient if you understand why the laws are in place. It can also be really helpful to develop a good working relationship with your caseworker- if you realize that they really are on your side - and trust me, I see the inner workings of the office, so I know that they truly want to do what's best for the child - you will be more willing to accept the roadblocks that are put in your path by the LEGAL system (not the foster system). So, sorry that this isn't better news for you, but to answer your question, no, there really aren't many other avenues to pursue.
Q: If a couple would like to operate a foster home for children, how could/should one go about doing that? What does the couple need to have?
A: The absolute most important things that a couple should have is a lot of extra love, and patience. If you are going to be a foster parent, you will need it. The best way to get started with foster care is to contact the DCFS in your area. They will be able to tell you what you need to do. You will have to complete a homestudy, which will include a bunch of history, paperwork, letters of reference, background checks, home inspections, etc. You will need a home with a certain number of square feet per child, and it needs to be in good working order - properly functioning windows, indoor plumbing, free of hazards, etc. You will need to complete parenting classes, and be CPR and First Aid certified. This is basically it if you just want to be a foster family. If you are interested in being a foster HOME - meaning you can have several foster children at once on a transitional, short term basis, there are a few more requirements such as proper insurance and licensing- if that is something you are interested in the easiest, most affordable way to go about it would be to contract through a residential program agency. They can help you through the process and will secure your licensing and cover your training and insurance costs, plus they will be there to support you as you have questions or unexpected things come up.
Q: Knowing what you know now, if you could conceive children would you still adopt? why or why not?
A: I actually can conceive children, and I would be lying if I said that baring a child is not an experience I would love to have. If my circumstances change and I remarry before I am too old - which is coming up, I turned the big 3-0 this year :)- I fully plan on having that experience. But if I had it to do over again I do think I would still adopt. I have planned on adopting for my whole life, I just didn't think I would do it when I did. Our adoption experience was a really difficult one, but it was an experience that made me who I am, so yes, I would adopt again if given a chance. Plus, I can't even imagine what my life would be like if I didn't have Ethan and Adia. If you know us at all you are fully aware that we complete each other. Can you even imagine any one of us without the others? It just isn't even an option.
Q: Have you seen any major differences in your course work/ personal life with families that have a mix of biological children and adopted children, as opposed to just having adopted children?
A: I'm guessing that your question is referring to acceptance and bonding. (If not, I apologise and if you write me back to clarify I would be happy to answer the right question.:) In my experience I have seen parents with only adoptive children who love those children as much as they could ever love a child who they gave birth to. But I'm also seen the opposite. I have seen the same two sides with families made up of both adoptive and biological kids too. Sometimes the family bonds with all their children equally and sometimes there is favoritism- for either party. In my experience the thing that has the most impact on bonding and acceptance is not how the children came to the family, but the attitude of the family. If you, as a parent think of your children in terms of bio vs adopted then you will treat them that way whether you mean to or not. If you allow your kids to think in terms of being different from each other they will treat each other differently. If you love all of your children unconditionally no matter where they came from, what baggage they bring along with them, or what blood lines they have, they will know that, and your home and life will reflect it. The outcome all depends on your attitude. When you legally adopt a child you appear before a judge, raise your hand, and swear that you will love that child and treat it as if it were born to you. There is very specific language that is used, which I can't repeat verbatim, but it gives me chills each time I hear it. If you actually keep that promise, and love the child in that way it won't matter if you have biological children as well, your children will be YOUR children. In my experience, the families who take that vow seriously are strong and tight and full of love for each other. This doesn't mean that they don't struggle, all families do, but they have what it takes to pull through together. Sadly, this isn't always the case. And when it's not, the entire family suffers.
Q: I recently heard about adoption scammers. - What the heck?!
A: I feel the same way! Adoption scamming is a real thing. In fact, it happened to a good friend of mine a couple of years ago - she blogged about it, and you can read her story , updates, and the stories of others HERE. Basically, the short of it is that people prey on innocent families who are hoping to adopt by pretending that they have a baby they are planning on placing with this family, but they really don't. Sometimes they do it just for attention and excitement, (I believe that it is because they have some form or another of a mental illness) sometimes they might accept gifts, money, or other items, and they are doing it out of greed (Again, I suspect some mental illness.- I'm not saying this to be funny, I really do think that) Often people who are trying to adopt are a little bit vulnerable. Infertility and adoption can be pretty emotional things to go through, and these people take advantage of that. You don't really want me to get into this, because it make my blood pressure rise, and I go off on a tangent, but if you are interested in knowing more, really do go check out the link above. She does a really good job of explaining it - you will be horrified.
Q: What does your family think about having kids that don't really belong?
A: We don't have kids that don't belong, so I'm not sure what they would think. My kids have belonged since the moment we brought them home. I think you are probably asking what my family thinks about my having kids who were adopted. I am really lucky that my family and close friends see adoption the same way I do. They are my kids, they just took a different way to get here. Honestly, most of the time they forget that my kids weren't born into this family. They look like me, they act EXACTLY like me (this makes me proud and horrified all at once) they are mine. I appreciate my family and friends for accepting my kids with open hearts. "Adopted" isn't who my kids are, it's just a part of their story, and our support system gets that.
Q: Were you just devastated when you had to adopt instead of have your own kids?
A: I do have my own kids. They aren't biological, but they are mine. But I imagine the question you are asking is was I devastated when I found out that I wouldn't be having biological kids, and the answer is - a little bit. Troy (my husband at the time) and I had pretty different reactions to this news. I was sad - I had some heartache and I had to morn the loss of the life I thought I would have. But I owned that, and then I was able to build a new dream and be perfectly content and happy with that dream as well. Troy, on the other hand didn't do this the same way I did. (I talked a little more about this subject HERE) He let the pain eat at him - this was possibly because the infertility was on his part and he blamed himself for not being able to give me my dream, or it was possibly just the way he dealt with his pain, but he bottled it up until it effected the person he was. It changed him, and hurt him, and it's something that, even now, I think he is still suffering with. It's not that he doesn't love our kids, or that he thought adoption was a lesser option, it's just that he truly was devastated by the news. Everyone handles that kind of thing differently. For me, it was less painful than it is for most, and I don't know why. But I do know, that if you are struggling with infertility you need to not let it destroy you or define you. You need to deal with it. That doesn't mean "get over it", because I promise, no matter how well you deal with it, there will be days, even years later, that your pain will come back and slap you to your knees. It's not something you get over, but it is something you survive, and if you don't work on surviving I know from experience that it can eat you alive.
Q: My best friend and her husband struggle with infertility, and now they are beginning the adoption journey. Do you have any suggestions for ways that I can support her as she goes through this?
This was the hot question this year. I got 4 similar questions. I chose to post this one, but this answer is geared toward all of you who asked it, and you will all get an entry in the contest for your question.
A: When you haven't been through something like this it's hard to understand. You want to be there for your friend, but what do you say? You can't sympathize, you can't fix it, you can't stop the hurt. You probably feel really helpless. But the fact that you are asking this question means that you are already the kind of friend she needs. And, no knowing her, I can't tell you what to do, but I can give a few suggestions. First of all, it is better if the waiting couple asks for advice rather than being told what to do. If you tell them about how your mother's best friend's sister in law's neighbor got pregnant as soon as she started trying to adopt, or that if she would just relax it would happen, you are essentially just minimizing this incredibly difficult thing she is going through. Hold back on the advice and the encouraging stories, and just give her space to move forward the ways she wants.You should be a shoulder for her to cry on. You should let her know that you care, and that you are there to listen. If she has decided to pursue adoption, get educated about it so that you know what she's talking about and you don't overwhelm her with questions about what comes next, or why it's taking so long. If she hasn't decided on adoption, don't push it on her. You can share their profile, pass out their pass along cards, and spread the word - as long as she gives you permission first. Also, be patient with her. She might not want to go out on the town. She might not want to come to your house as often. She might love your kids, but she might just not be able to be around them all the time - it's nothing against you, it's just a painful reminder of something she doesn't have. I remember when we were trying to adopt, and it wasn't going well - we had just been told that our kids would probably be returned to their birth family, my best friends had their first baby. I went to the hospital and held their baby boy and visited with them, and all the while, my heart was breaking. I got in my car and cried all the way home and then climbed into bed and stayed there sobbing for the rest of the day. It was a lesson to me that I couldn't force things like that on myself. My friends were so supportive and understanding when I didn't come around again right away, or when I didn't want to hold him very often. They knew that I loved them and their little guy, and so they respected my process and never made me feel guilty for holding back a little. And now I love that kid like crazy and I squeeze him every chance I get! I guess what I'm saying is just love her. She'll make it through, but she'll need you. She'll let you know what you can do when she figures it out.
So That's the end of this year's Q&A. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. A big thanks to everyone who participated. You had some great questions this year. Now for the moment you have all been waiting for...
Q: I'm not ready to adopt yet but am planning on it. Is there anything I can do to prepare (multiple years before being ready for it)
A: There are some great things you can do right now. First, it's a really great idea to figure out how you feel about adoption. I'm not kidding. Sometimes people rush into it, or make plans because they think that's what they are "supposed to" do. In reality, adoption is a big deal, and it isn't for everyone, so if you are thinking about adopting, you first need to figure out where you head is in regards to the real issues you are going to have to face. You can do this through seeing a counselor or psychiatrist, a church leader, a respected friend, through journaling - whatever works best for you. Another thing you can do is research. There are a lot of different options when it comes to adoption, and now is a great time to figure out which you are interested in and which you are not. You can also learn more about the process of adoption- this is something I wish I would have done before hand. And then there is always the money factor. Adoption is usually pretty expensive, and now is a great time to start saving up. Whatever you choose to do or not to do, good luck on your journey. If you ever have any other questions, please fill free to ask me.
Q: What if you are old (almost 46) and you think your home and your heart will have room in a couple years to welcome a little older kid, like maybe 8 or older but you really have issues with the foster care system? Are there other avenues to go through for something like that?
A:Opening your heart to an older kid is a great idea! Most kids over the age of 5 will never be adopted and eventually end up aging out of the system with no support to lean on as they go through those tough transitioning years. In my job, this is something that we focus a lot on - finding placements for older kids - if not adoptive, at least a supportive family who will give them a place to come for holidays and be there at their graduation to cheer them on. It makes a HUGE difference when it comes to how successful the child will be in the future. There are literally hundreds of thousands of older kids who are available for adoption in our country RIGHT NOW! Unfortunately finding them without Foster Care involvement is a very rare thing. There are a few options, for example, if the parent is going to terminate custody without having involvement from the state (for example, the teen is too much for the parent to handle, and they just can't take it anymore, and want to get rid of the child - surprisingly it happens), and you catch them BEFORE they relinquish or report to the court you could possibly work out a private adoption- though knowing someone who is going to do this, and catching them before they report it would be really rare. And it's not like you can put out an ad in the paper: seeking fed up parent of teen/ tween looking to free themselves of responsibility... I'm pretty sure there are laws against that:) Or, occasionally an agency will get a sibling placement with an older child - but that is rare, and most agencies now don't even accept older children now. And of course there is always international adoption, which would be the most likely way to find an older child. But unfortunately, if you want to adopt domestically, you will probably have to go through the Foster System. Believe me - I have first hand knowledge that a lot of people hate Foster, especially in your area, and I know that there are some huge issues that need to be changed - even as an employee, I can say that. But if you are really serious about adopting an older child, you will probably just have to jump through the hoops and deal with the system. There are some things that you can do to help the process run more smoothly though, and the biggest one is to become educated. If you know more about the process, you won't be blind sided by things the way I was when I adopted my kids. You will also be more patient if you understand why the laws are in place. It can also be really helpful to develop a good working relationship with your caseworker- if you realize that they really are on your side - and trust me, I see the inner workings of the office, so I know that they truly want to do what's best for the child - you will be more willing to accept the roadblocks that are put in your path by the LEGAL system (not the foster system). So, sorry that this isn't better news for you, but to answer your question, no, there really aren't many other avenues to pursue.
Q: If a couple would like to operate a foster home for children, how could/should one go about doing that? What does the couple need to have?
A: The absolute most important things that a couple should have is a lot of extra love, and patience. If you are going to be a foster parent, you will need it. The best way to get started with foster care is to contact the DCFS in your area. They will be able to tell you what you need to do. You will have to complete a homestudy, which will include a bunch of history, paperwork, letters of reference, background checks, home inspections, etc. You will need a home with a certain number of square feet per child, and it needs to be in good working order - properly functioning windows, indoor plumbing, free of hazards, etc. You will need to complete parenting classes, and be CPR and First Aid certified. This is basically it if you just want to be a foster family. If you are interested in being a foster HOME - meaning you can have several foster children at once on a transitional, short term basis, there are a few more requirements such as proper insurance and licensing- if that is something you are interested in the easiest, most affordable way to go about it would be to contract through a residential program agency. They can help you through the process and will secure your licensing and cover your training and insurance costs, plus they will be there to support you as you have questions or unexpected things come up.
Q: Knowing what you know now, if you could conceive children would you still adopt? why or why not?
A: I actually can conceive children, and I would be lying if I said that baring a child is not an experience I would love to have. If my circumstances change and I remarry before I am too old - which is coming up, I turned the big 3-0 this year :)- I fully plan on having that experience. But if I had it to do over again I do think I would still adopt. I have planned on adopting for my whole life, I just didn't think I would do it when I did. Our adoption experience was a really difficult one, but it was an experience that made me who I am, so yes, I would adopt again if given a chance. Plus, I can't even imagine what my life would be like if I didn't have Ethan and Adia. If you know us at all you are fully aware that we complete each other. Can you even imagine any one of us without the others? It just isn't even an option.
Q: Have you seen any major differences in your course work/ personal life with families that have a mix of biological children and adopted children, as opposed to just having adopted children?
A: I'm guessing that your question is referring to acceptance and bonding. (If not, I apologise and if you write me back to clarify I would be happy to answer the right question.:) In my experience I have seen parents with only adoptive children who love those children as much as they could ever love a child who they gave birth to. But I'm also seen the opposite. I have seen the same two sides with families made up of both adoptive and biological kids too. Sometimes the family bonds with all their children equally and sometimes there is favoritism- for either party. In my experience the thing that has the most impact on bonding and acceptance is not how the children came to the family, but the attitude of the family. If you, as a parent think of your children in terms of bio vs adopted then you will treat them that way whether you mean to or not. If you allow your kids to think in terms of being different from each other they will treat each other differently. If you love all of your children unconditionally no matter where they came from, what baggage they bring along with them, or what blood lines they have, they will know that, and your home and life will reflect it. The outcome all depends on your attitude. When you legally adopt a child you appear before a judge, raise your hand, and swear that you will love that child and treat it as if it were born to you. There is very specific language that is used, which I can't repeat verbatim, but it gives me chills each time I hear it. If you actually keep that promise, and love the child in that way it won't matter if you have biological children as well, your children will be YOUR children. In my experience, the families who take that vow seriously are strong and tight and full of love for each other. This doesn't mean that they don't struggle, all families do, but they have what it takes to pull through together. Sadly, this isn't always the case. And when it's not, the entire family suffers.
Q: I recently heard about adoption scammers. - What the heck?!
A: I feel the same way! Adoption scamming is a real thing. In fact, it happened to a good friend of mine a couple of years ago - she blogged about it, and you can read her story , updates, and the stories of others HERE. Basically, the short of it is that people prey on innocent families who are hoping to adopt by pretending that they have a baby they are planning on placing with this family, but they really don't. Sometimes they do it just for attention and excitement, (I believe that it is because they have some form or another of a mental illness) sometimes they might accept gifts, money, or other items, and they are doing it out of greed (Again, I suspect some mental illness.- I'm not saying this to be funny, I really do think that) Often people who are trying to adopt are a little bit vulnerable. Infertility and adoption can be pretty emotional things to go through, and these people take advantage of that. You don't really want me to get into this, because it make my blood pressure rise, and I go off on a tangent, but if you are interested in knowing more, really do go check out the link above. She does a really good job of explaining it - you will be horrified.
Q: What does your family think about having kids that don't really belong?
A: We don't have kids that don't belong, so I'm not sure what they would think. My kids have belonged since the moment we brought them home. I think you are probably asking what my family thinks about my having kids who were adopted. I am really lucky that my family and close friends see adoption the same way I do. They are my kids, they just took a different way to get here. Honestly, most of the time they forget that my kids weren't born into this family. They look like me, they act EXACTLY like me (this makes me proud and horrified all at once) they are mine. I appreciate my family and friends for accepting my kids with open hearts. "Adopted" isn't who my kids are, it's just a part of their story, and our support system gets that.
Q: Were you just devastated when you had to adopt instead of have your own kids?
A: I do have my own kids. They aren't biological, but they are mine. But I imagine the question you are asking is was I devastated when I found out that I wouldn't be having biological kids, and the answer is - a little bit. Troy (my husband at the time) and I had pretty different reactions to this news. I was sad - I had some heartache and I had to morn the loss of the life I thought I would have. But I owned that, and then I was able to build a new dream and be perfectly content and happy with that dream as well. Troy, on the other hand didn't do this the same way I did. (I talked a little more about this subject HERE) He let the pain eat at him - this was possibly because the infertility was on his part and he blamed himself for not being able to give me my dream, or it was possibly just the way he dealt with his pain, but he bottled it up until it effected the person he was. It changed him, and hurt him, and it's something that, even now, I think he is still suffering with. It's not that he doesn't love our kids, or that he thought adoption was a lesser option, it's just that he truly was devastated by the news. Everyone handles that kind of thing differently. For me, it was less painful than it is for most, and I don't know why. But I do know, that if you are struggling with infertility you need to not let it destroy you or define you. You need to deal with it. That doesn't mean "get over it", because I promise, no matter how well you deal with it, there will be days, even years later, that your pain will come back and slap you to your knees. It's not something you get over, but it is something you survive, and if you don't work on surviving I know from experience that it can eat you alive.
Q: My best friend and her husband struggle with infertility, and now they are beginning the adoption journey. Do you have any suggestions for ways that I can support her as she goes through this?
This was the hot question this year. I got 4 similar questions. I chose to post this one, but this answer is geared toward all of you who asked it, and you will all get an entry in the contest for your question.
A: When you haven't been through something like this it's hard to understand. You want to be there for your friend, but what do you say? You can't sympathize, you can't fix it, you can't stop the hurt. You probably feel really helpless. But the fact that you are asking this question means that you are already the kind of friend she needs. And, no knowing her, I can't tell you what to do, but I can give a few suggestions. First of all, it is better if the waiting couple asks for advice rather than being told what to do. If you tell them about how your mother's best friend's sister in law's neighbor got pregnant as soon as she started trying to adopt, or that if she would just relax it would happen, you are essentially just minimizing this incredibly difficult thing she is going through. Hold back on the advice and the encouraging stories, and just give her space to move forward the ways she wants.You should be a shoulder for her to cry on. You should let her know that you care, and that you are there to listen. If she has decided to pursue adoption, get educated about it so that you know what she's talking about and you don't overwhelm her with questions about what comes next, or why it's taking so long. If she hasn't decided on adoption, don't push it on her. You can share their profile, pass out their pass along cards, and spread the word - as long as she gives you permission first. Also, be patient with her. She might not want to go out on the town. She might not want to come to your house as often. She might love your kids, but she might just not be able to be around them all the time - it's nothing against you, it's just a painful reminder of something she doesn't have. I remember when we were trying to adopt, and it wasn't going well - we had just been told that our kids would probably be returned to their birth family, my best friends had their first baby. I went to the hospital and held their baby boy and visited with them, and all the while, my heart was breaking. I got in my car and cried all the way home and then climbed into bed and stayed there sobbing for the rest of the day. It was a lesson to me that I couldn't force things like that on myself. My friends were so supportive and understanding when I didn't come around again right away, or when I didn't want to hold him very often. They knew that I loved them and their little guy, and so they respected my process and never made me feel guilty for holding back a little. And now I love that kid like crazy and I squeeze him every chance I get! I guess what I'm saying is just love her. She'll make it through, but she'll need you. She'll let you know what you can do when she figures it out.
So That's the end of this year's Q&A. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. A big thanks to everyone who participated. You had some great questions this year. Now for the moment you have all been waiting for...
The winner is...
Tashery W (you should get extra points for having such a great name. That was on my list when we were trying to find a name for Adia. I love it!)
I will be emailing you soon with info on how to claim your prize.
Thursday, November 8, 2012
Get ready... It's the 5th Annual Adoption Q&A!
You ask questions about adoption - it can be ANYTHING. I am an open book, and I love to share, even the not so pretty parts of adoption, so there is nothing you can ask that is too personal or too in depth, or off limits. It can be about anything adoption related - open adoptions, birth families, resources, domestic, foreign, private, agency, failed, foster, general questions or specific about our story, anything you have been wanting to know and haven't had the guts or the opportunity to ask - now's your chance. (Trust me, last year had some doosies and I answered every one of them, so nothing you ask will be too much for me to handle.) We have had some really good questions over the last five years, and if you would like to review to get some ideas here are some links to the first four years:
2008
2009
2010
2011
You can either ask your question in the comments section here, or email them to me at eberling2@msn.com Also, if we are facebook friends feel free to comment there or send me a message - and if we aren't friends, WHY THE HECK NOT? Look me up (Katie Fuller Eberling) :)
So on National Adoption Awareness Day which is November 17th I will answer all your questions in one big wonderful post, and then choose one of you to be a winner!
What do you win? Well, I like to support people who are trying to adopt, and adoption can be expensive, so a lot of people do fund raisers or sell things to make money to help the cause. Each year I choose a business who's profits go to adoption and buy a prize for the winner there. This year I chose Virtue 75 They sell super cute paper crafts to support their hope for adoption. If you are the winner you will get an item of your choice from their shop! They also have a cute adoption profile to help them get their name out there. Check them out and if you or someone you know might be considering adoption, this could be the family you are looking for!
And, if you are trying to earn money for your own adoption and would like to be featured here, please email me and we can talk about it.
OR if you have a profile you would like to share, email me about that too.
Now start thinking of questions and get to asking! PS- you can ask as many questions as you want, and you will get a separate entry for every question.
Friday, November 2, 2012
Adoption Awareness Month!
You know I love it. It's my favorite month. (I secretly hope I've brought a few of you over to my side as well:) I can't get enough of an entire month of celebrating adoption. Every year I try to post about adoption nearly every day, and I love that. I enjoy sharing about something so close to my heart, and I have been touched in more ways than I can count by your comments and emails sharing your experiences and asking questions. I love the relationships the I develop with my readers during this month, and I don't want to give that up for anything. Unfortunately, life happens sometimes. If you are a regular here on my blog you have probably noticed that I'm not posting as often as I used to, and we should all blame life for that one! (or my ex husband - not that any of this has anything to do with him, but it still makes me feel better when something happens that I can't control, I shake my fist in the air and yell "dang-it Troy!" You are welcome to use that one any time, I don't mind - it totally helps :)... but back to the matter at hand - It has been an interesting few months around this house, and things are happening. We have some big things in the works, some trials, some triumphs, and some craziness. What we don't have going on around here very much, is sleeping, relaxation, and free time, and because of that the blog has been suffering. I know this, and I'm doing my best, but I think I need to warn you that adoption awareness month is not going to be the same this year. We are still going to be celebrating adoption, you can bet your buttons on that, but it is going to be less frequent this time around. We are still going to have our annual Q&A contest, a few guest posts, and some fun sharing though, so check back often so you don't miss out. And you can always read the posts from previous years, (type the word adoption into the search bar to the left.) And in the meantime enjoy this video. I've shown it here before, but it's one of my favorites, so enjoy... and if any of you want to help me out by offering to guest post PLEASE let me know- the only requirement is that you love adoption!
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Glasses trouble...again.
So remember how Ethan has had some fake vision problems? (like I talked about HERE and HERE seriously if you haven't read these posts you need to in order to really grasp this post - do your homework! :))
Well although the sunglasses worked their magic while he was at home, his teacher quickly decided that they were a toy rather than real glasses, so she banned them in the classroom (seriously, can't we catch a little break already?) It wasn't too big of a deal, school was almost over for the year and we made it through without any more criminal activity. I was trying to keep a look out for some little glasses, the fashion-only kind without prescription lenses. I figured if they looked like real glasses maybe no one would think they were a toy. But I never could find any, so I asked his doctor about any suggestions he might have. He said that the dollar store had some slightly magnified ones that would probably work fine. He said that it shouldn't have an effect on his eyesight, and sometimes mental and emotional health has to come first. SO we went to the dollar store and they had some nice black ones that looked pretty good on him, and there were some brown ones that went great with his eyes, and there were some BRIGHT AQUA ones that looked less than classy, and of course, those were the ones he chose. And he LOVED them, and he wore them EVERYWHERE. And he went around telling everyone that his mom bought him these glasses at the dollar store, so he could finally see. And I, once again, looked like mother of the year...
He wore them all summer long - like, almost every day- around the house, to church, to the grocery store... But then the sad day came when he lost them. He left them in a motel room when we were on vacation,
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Social Worker?
This post is dedicated to Joan and Shylo, (who are probably the only ones who still read this blog) because they asked for it...;) Love you ladies!
SOOOO... Analyze that! I'm looking forward to comments here. I really want to know what you think it means. I know, sometimes dreams are just dreams, but sometimes they are messages, and I want to know which this one is... Should I start perfecting my sweet and sour sauce recipe or my spatula whacking skills? And I should probably learn to swim... :)
Last week I had a dream...
As most of you know, I have been working on my social work degree for a long time, and I am so close to being done, I can almost taste it. So in my dream I decided that social work is no longer for me. The pay is lousy, and there is so much stigma associated with it that everyone hates you, plus, I don't like other people much anyway. I couldn't just quit because my mom would be mad at me, so I went down to the river where I met a group of Navajo women. They were all trying to get away from their problems too, so we all decided to jump in the river and float away. We did, and floated for a long time. Don't worry, we all held our breath when we went through the rapids, so it was totally safe. We must have really put some miles on because when we finally saw a village built against a cliff overlooking the river, we climbed up to it to discover we were in Cambodia. (who knew there was a river that connected Blanding and Cambodia?) We walked through the village and came to a market place. There was a sad woman who was working at a stand that sold Chinese food. Because she was sad we figured she needed to get out of there and find a new life too, so we threw her in the river and took over her stand. Business was good, but there was one problem. A little orphan boy kept coming around and stealing all the sweet and sour sauce. Sweet and Sour chicken is evidently a high commodity in Cambodia and so we needed the sauce! So one day when he came by the stand I started chasing him and whacking at him with a spatula. And then I woke up.SOOOO... Analyze that! I'm looking forward to comments here. I really want to know what you think it means. I know, sometimes dreams are just dreams, but sometimes they are messages, and I want to know which this one is... Should I start perfecting my sweet and sour sauce recipe or my spatula whacking skills? And I should probably learn to swim... :)
Friday, October 5, 2012
Comfort Food
This is by far my favorite time of year. I love it when the weather turns colder - not so cold that you feel it, but cold enough that you can break out the sweaters and cocoa. I love the colors that explode in brilliant shades giving an extra boost of hope before winter comes along and kills everything. I love the smells of the season, the feel of autumn sun on my face, harvesting gardens, chopping wood, and the food. Oh, dear reader, how I love the food of fall. Another thing I love about fall is that my church has General Conference (this is a time when our entire church gathers to listen to the words of our prophet and leaders as they give us counsel that we can use in our day.) It's my favorite, and one of my favorite parts is that it is broadcast by TV, radio and Internet, so we can enjoy it from the comfort of our own home- and that means snacks! This is great because it brings two of my favorite fall things together - food and Conference. We get to feed our spiritual and our physical bodies. This dish is one of my favorite things to make at this time of year because it cooks for a long time and makes your house smell super yummy and it's just comforting.
So in case you need a little comfort this weekend, or any other, here's how you do it:
First you clean out your fridge and get out all the veggies that sound good to you, ( I put onions, fennel, red peppers, corn coblets, brussel sprouts, zucchini, crook neck squash, broccoli, cauliflower, carrots, and potatoes) chop them into large chunks and put them in a baking dish. This works best if you use a porcelain baking dish rather than a glass baking dish because it makes the veggies get those yummy browned bits on them as they cook. It's perfection, trust me. (I used glass this time, and it wasn't as good. Don't risk it, porcelain is the way to go.)
While that's baking cook up some Italian sausage and cut them in half.
Thursday, October 4, 2012
What ever happened to Fun Friday?
Remember our summer program and my super great plan for Fun Friday? Well, even though I haven't been very good at blogging about it, we kept it up all summer long, and it made life not only bearable all summer long, but we actually had a great time. So great, in fact, I was actually sad to see school start again (and not just because we had to live in a camper). Our big plan was to go to visit a big list of sites in our area, and we managed to make it to all of them before school started. In order to save a little time and gas we lumped a bunch of them together.
On this particular day we headed South - WAY SOUTH- to the place where the "earth meets the sky". The scenery was beautiful, and so diverse. (yes most of these pictures are taken out of my car window as I was driving, don't judge)
I love the way the different colors make a "sand art" design on the cliffs here.
Our first stop was Goosenecks State Park. This is where the San Juan River has, over time, worn away the rock as it meanders across the country side. This results in truly magnificent cliffs. The pictures don't do it justice, it is seriously a breathtaking view. There is a lookout point and a sign explaining it a bit, but other than that there isn't much there. In fact, there isn't even a toll booth - the cost to enter is free. There aren't any marked trails here, but there are a few campgrounds available. It is just a short drive off the main road, and totally worth the trip. We hiked around a bit, but Adia could barely wait to get to our next stop, so she didn't let us hang around much.
This is when the journey became truly beautiful. So much so, I even took the time to pull over and take a picture rather than my regular drive by tourist shots.
Once we arrived in Monument Valley our first stop was... Arizona. I missed the turn (even though it is CLEARLY marked- we were having a snack time fiasco at the moment) and we drove about a mile down the road where we passed out of Utah. Realizing our mistake we flipped a U and ended up at the Navajo Tribal Park. The cost is $5 per person with ages 9 and under getting in free. It was totally worth the cost. The museum was so informative, and very kid friendly. We all learned a lot about the Navajo culture and history. It is a beautiful building with lovely photos of the people and the area hanging all over the walls. The building is huge and has an inn, a restaurant (The food was fantastic - the Navajo taco was to die for), and a gift shop in addition to the museum.
A long time ago Mike and Harry (the wife) Goulding opened a trading post here. There is a museum- run by donations, pay as little or as much as you want - that is set up inside the original trading post/ home that tells the history of the area, and the Gouldings. Many movies were shot in this location, and my kids had a great time identifying many that they had seen before. Now there is a motel, a restaurant, a trading post, a gas station, and an RV park there. It is really fun to explore the old buildings and walk around the property. We bought pocket knives in the trading post, and ice cream in the restaurant.
Then we headed for home. We stopped at a couple of roadside stands to buy nick-nacks and jewelry. Most of the things at these little stands are hand made from local stones. They are beautiful, and the prices are amazing. Plus, it's fun to look around and experience the culture and visit with the shop owners.
You can even find God if you're looking for him - We didn't stay for that, we already know him.
And one last picture that killed me. If you have spent much time in this area you know why it's funny, and if you haven't, you won't get it, but either way that's all I'm saying on the matter. :)
It was a really fun day. It's a long trip. We stopped a lot, and spent a lot of time at each place, and it took us the better part of a day. The road is pretty good most of the way - our car made it without a problem. The temperature was warm, but it was also threatening to storm much of the day, so it was cooler than usual. There are services all along the way, but it is probably a good idea to be sure you have a full tank of gas before heading down, just to be safe.
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