Clouded Vision

A few weeks ago Ethan came home from school with a paper from the district health nurse. Evidently he didn't pass his vision screening. He thought he needed glasses, and he was EXCITED! (I have no idea why) This isn't the first time that Ethan hasn't passed an eye exam. He has a hard time staying focused, so several times he would be looking at something other than the eye chart, and they would say "Can you see this" well, No, he couldn't because he wasn't looking at it, therefore, he would fail the screening. Usually his teacher takes notice of this and lets me know, and I don't worry too much about it. This year, however, the teacher wasn't there, and the nurse assured me that he really was trying, he just couldn't see the chart. So I made an appointment with the eye doctor in Moab. It took three weeks to get it, that's the joy of having few options, you wait until they are ready for you.

So a week later, as we are still waiting for our eye appointment we go to the pediatrician. Out of the blue as he is examining Ethan he asks, "have you gotten his eyes checked lately?" I start to panic, could there be a serious problem? What would make the pediatrician ask about eyes? He never has before? What's going on? I tell the doctor about Ethan not passing the school eye exam. Ethan excitedly tells him that he needs glasses. I ask what the heck he means by asking about eyes,-he isn't an eye doctor! Just what is he getting at here? (My pediatrician loves me, can you tell?:) He answers that it is nothing, he was just asking, and quit analyzing every little thing he says. (See, it's love) But here's something that you might not know. It's a little known fact, but in my extensive experience with all kinds of doctors over the last five years, I finally cracked the code, and learned this secret. I'm going to share it with you now, are you ready? Listen carefully... Not all doctors tell you the whole truth All the time. SHHH! Don't tell! But, it's true, especially if they have hard news to give you, and they know that you are seeing a specialist concerning the same problem. Sometimes they think you might be an overemotional parent or something, and if they know that you are going to hear it from someone else very soon, they dodge the bullet and let the other guy deal with it. (I don't know why anyone would think I am overly emotional, I'm not, I'm just passionate. I'm just saying that some doctors might misjudge the situation or something:)

So here I am FREAKING out, um, I mean, feeling very passionate about the subject of Ethan's vision... FOR TWO MORE WEEKS!!! until I can get in to see the blasted eye doctor who I'm sure is going to tell me that Ethan is going blind. Can you imagine Ethan not being able to see. He can't even walk across a flat floor without tripping, how on earth is he going to navigate this crazy world without being able to see anything. He's going to end up one of those kids who have to wear a helmet. And I would never be able to let him out of my sight again. And I am already pretty busy... and I never sleep... and that's starting to make me slightly crazy as it is... and how is he going to get a date to prom if he can't see and has to wear a helmet... and the helmet is going to make him bald, and then everyone will be able to see the dent in his head... and I just barely got him to put aside his dreams of being the guy who sells cotton candy at the circus for bigger dreams of being a "cow doctor" and how the heck is he going to do either one of those jobs if he can't see... and he's allergic to dogs, so he won't even be able to use a seeing eye dog... I am NEVER going to be able to die, I HAVE TO LIVE FOREVER!... (You can see how things can get slightly out of control for a passionate person like myself:)

So finally the day comes when we go to see the eye doctor. I am nearly hyperventilating by the time we walk into the office - why in the heck did I take the afternoon appointment instead of the morning appointment? Who the heck cares if he misses READING? When are you going to use that in real life?:) The doctor checks him out. Ethan tells him that he needs glasses. The doctor tells Ethan that he gets to decide that. He asks Ethan over and over if he knows his letters. We assure him he does. He tells Ethan a few times that he needs to tell the truth. He does all kinds of tests, we are there for almost two hours. I am about to have a panic attack. Finally he says that Ethan has a small astigmatism (where the eye is slightly oval shaped instead of round) That might make things a little fuzzy, but shouldn't effect him too much, and certainly isn't anything to worry about. But here is the real problem... Are you ready?... Ethan really wants glasses and lied about not being able to see the chart. I know. His recommendation: get him some cheap frames with no lenses that he can wear around whenever he wants. My recommendation: Beat that little stinker...uh, I mean, talk to him about the importance of telling the truth to doctors and his mother.:)

So I call the pediatrician and tell him that there was nothing to worry about. He answers that he knows, he really had been just asking, this is about the age that you need to start getting things like that checked out.

So, that's the story. But it got me thinking about my life lately. Have you ever had something that you wanted so badly that it clouded your judgement from what was real? I think I have been doing that. In my heart I know that something isn't right. It isn't wrong exactly, it just isn't right for me right now. But I want it so badly that I keep telling myself it is right until I almost have myself and the people around me convinced that it's true. It isn't that big of a deal, and if I pretend long enough there's a good chance it will be true. But it's just like Ethan's glasses. He doesn't need them, but if he were to get them it wouldn't hurt anybody else, so maybe it isn't that big a deal. But after a while it will start hurting his eyes. It might even damage his vision so he actually DOES need glasses. He needs to just be honest about it, even though it might be hard, and maybe a little disappointing, in the long run it will save him a lot of pain. I think that's where I am. I need to make the decision to save myself some pain. It's just making myself give up on the thing I really want that's the hard part. Have you ever been here? Have you ever REALLY wanted glasses?