Thanksgiving, hospitals, and more.

Well, this is going to be a long one, so if you don't like that turn back now! I haven't blogged in a while because we went home for the holiday, and didn't have a chance, and then when we got home our wireless box was out, and no one is able to come fix it until next week. I do have another option, but it's the snaily kind, not the high-speed kind, and let's face it-I am spoiled now. I just haven't had the time or patience to blog on a slow computer. So, let's catch up.

First of all Thanksgiving. We went to my parent's house, and it was great. Kalista (My niece who has severe autism) was doing great. She had a really good day, and even interacted with all of us, teasing, and playing, and kissing us -almost unheard of for her. She has improved so much since we last saw her. She can say a few words now, and she signs like CRAZY. It is so fun to be able to actually communicate with her and have a conversation for the first time in six years. That alone made the vacation perfect. We were also able to take family pictures, which we have only been able to do one other time since Kalista got autism. I included a few of the pictures (There you go Stacy) but I feel like I need to explain a little bit. We can't count on how Kalista is going to react, so we can't book a real photographer. That means I am the photographer- I set everyone up, push the timer button, run and get in the picture, and pray that I make it in my spot in time, and that no one else moves. Usually it isn't very successful, so we have to take the best of what we have, and that's what we did here. All things cosidered, a picture of all of us in one spot at the same time is a challenge, so these pictures are a Christmas miracle.

We also had a great time visiting with family and friends who we haven't seen in a long time. It was a fun weekend. We came home on Sunday with Adia staying behind at my mom's for the week. Troy was supposed to get his real cast on that next Monday, but they realized that they had set it wrong the last time, and had to reset it and put it in another temporary cast. We also found out that he didn't get a boxer's fracture, he got a fighter's fracture. Apparently they mean two different bones are broken. (Because boxers know the right way to hit:) Anyway, as he was comming out of the hospital he saw our bishop's wife running into the hospital. She stopped him and said that one of the men in our ward had just had a stroke, and wondered if Troy would give him a blessing. He did, and as he was leaving the man't wife stopped Troy and told him how special she thought Ethan was. This is a woman who the doctor's just told her husband would probably not make it, and if he did he would be a vegetable for the rest of his life, and she took the time to tell Troy how much she loved our family, and how the spirit touches her each time she sees Ethan. It really hit Troy that this was the best move for us, and the people here love our kids, and accept them, and those are the only people who matter.

So, the reason that we didn't bring Adia home with us was Ethan went to the hospital to get his dental work done on Tuesday night (The 27th) It went really well until he didn't wake up for a really long time. It was scarey, and even after he woke up, he wasn't really there. He couldn't walk strait, and his speech was slurred and he didn't know what was going on. When they were wheeling him back into his room, He all of a sudden stood up and jumped off the bed. Luckily the dentist was there and caught him just in time before his head hit the floor. (What a good dentist right? He was even very glad that he was there to catch Ethan because as a dentist he doesn't get a lot of chances to save lives. I am so glad we found him, see, just another reason we were meant to move here) On Thursday Troy came home from Wyoming and we went back to LaSal. I had a MK holiday show (Which went very well by the way) and we had to pick up Adia. We went to church on Sunday, and with it being Testimony meeting I was worried that Troy would get up and tell about his feelings toward some of the members of the branch. Luckily our friend Jeremy was there, and I gave him the assignment to tackle Troy if he stood up. All went well, and I think that things will finally settle down.

So now we are back home, and I am back to my every day stories about the things my children say. Both of these involve Adia, and as I think about it, that is usually the case. We really need to teach that girl to stop talking so much or something. Anyway, here goes. Yesterday we were at the store in the produce section getting some pomaganites. They were in a bin and we were bending over grabbing some. Up walked a REALLY LARGE woman who was wearing a halter top (She had to be freezing, we live it northern Utah after all, and it is December.) and she happened to be falling out of it as she bent over to grab her fruit. Never one to miss anything Adia said in her loud, carrying voice "Look at that lady's breasts mom! They are falling out of her shirt. That isn't very modest! She has really big breasts, Mom. They are even bigger than yours. I have breasts too, but mine are small like daddy's. Daddy has small breasts and Ethan has small breasts and I have small breasts, but you have pretty big breasts, and that lady has REALLY BIG ones. They are falling out of her shirt like a not modest girl. You should cover those breasts up lady." I was frantically trying to get her to be quiet, or stop talking. I was clamping my hand over her mouth, but she somehow kept getting away from me, and talking louder and louder, and she wouldn't stop. An old man who had been picking out oranges nearby burst into laughter, and literally doubled over, he was laughing so hard he couldn't stand up. I knew she wouldn't stop talking about it until I validated her observation, so finally I just said "That's right Adia, You are very smart to know that" And then she stopped talking and we hurried out of the produce section made our purchases and left the store as quickly as possible. As we move away from the pomagranite bins I notice several people wiping thier eyes and giggling to themselves. Maybe someday I will find it as funny, but not yesterday, and not so much today either.

Next up, my racist daughter. Let me just say, as a family we are not racist against black people. We like black people just as much as we like white people. Anyway, as I said before, my wireless has been down for almost two weeks, and today they finally sent someone to fix it. He happened to be a black man, which was not a big deal until Adia walked into my office and said "Hi Black Boy" I was stunned. I didn't even know what to say. Luckily it didn't seem to offend him (I imagine being a black person in Utah would require you to have a good sence of humor in situations like this) He just answered "Hey yourself White Girl" She told him her name was Adia, not White Girl, and he told her his name was Trevor, not Black Boy. She seemed alright with that, and then sat down next to him and asked him question after question about what he was doing and why, and told him stories about her life as he worked for the next hour fixing the wireless. I don't know about her. I guess to children things like that don't matter. She sees things the way they are, and isn't afraid to tell you what she sees. I guess we could all learn from that...Or maybe we will just get a muzzle or something so she can't talk anymore. I'll think about that one.

My very own Rocky!

So, the verdict... Troy's hand is fractured. They call it a boxer's fracture. They should call it a...well I won't tell you what I am calling it. (Oh, and also Troy and the nurses on duty think that making him drive to the hospital all by himself was a less that compassionate thing for me to do. I think it may have even been called "crappy", and "Rude", oops:) Troy is supposed to take two days off. You would think that he would do it, it's the holiday, he's the boss, ultimately he get's paid either way, the doctor told him to not even think about working, all very good reasons to stay home, but nope, after four hours or not sleeping he got up and headed for work. He is planning on putting in ten hours today, and ten tomorrow. He couldn't even make it through shaving his face without nearly passing out, I don't know how he is going to work, but I don't dare make a suggestion, I might end up like the wall-well, I guess that isn't much of a threat, the wall looks pretty good:) (I am not making light of domestic violence here.) Anyway, I just thought I would give you an update.

When we grow up...

So let's talk about when boys grow up...do they?...I am married to one, and I would like to know when I can expect that to happen. No, really, I am married to a very amazing man, who is usually quite mature and mostly rational...except tonight. We were mapping out our plans for the weekend (I run on a tight schedule now, I hate it, but that's life) and we got to Sunday. That should be pretty easy right? Go to church, come home and eat, make the journey back to Brigham City. Nope. Not quite. In order to understand what happened next you have to know what happened when we lived in LaSal, and then when we went home to visit last summer. Not everyone loves us. I know, it's hard to believe, but it's true. Specifically many people have problems with Ethan, and his behavior, and the fact that we would adopt a child who has problems, and bring him into the perfect little community to ruin everyone's life. Really, I'm not kidding. I don't understand it because, I love my family, and while it might not be the traditional family, it is a pretty good one, and it is that way because God said it should be, and who is anyone else to think that they know better than God? But anyway, that was another big reason we had for moving, and we have been very pleased with the way we have been recieved by the people here. (Maybe that is because we haven't told very many people our whole story, and -shocker- they haven't noticed too much difference) This summer we had a really unkind and hurtful thing happen at church when we were home for a visit, and while I thought we had mostly moved on, apparently not all of us have. (I also want to take a moment to mention that most people were kind, and we loved living in LaSal. There are very good people there, and living there served a great purpose in our life. I don't want to take anything away from that. There were just a few who wanted to take the focus off of thier crummy situations, and thought that making fun of a handicapped kid would help. Sorry about the rant, maybe I'm not as "Moved on" as I would like to believe I am either.)As we were talking about going to church and who would go to what class with which child, Troy became very upset by remembering some of the things that were said to us, particularly by one person who was the cause of our upset this summer. The more he thought about it, the more angry he became, and then I suggested that we talk about ways to move on. Bad idea, I should have suggested we talk about sweet baby kittens or cotton candy or something, because the more I tried to calm him down, the more things he found to be angry about. It just built up more and more until finally he snapped. My kind and gentle husband, who normally doesn't have a violent bone in his body walked over to the basement wall, and punched it! WHAT IN THE...!?! I know! I just sat there in shock not quite knowing what happened. He just stood there really still for a while, and then calmly turned around and whispered quietly..."I think I just hit a stud" and he did. Out of any place on the entire wall he could have hit, my sweety picked the spot that had a stud behind it. It barely made a dent in the wall, and while I will never admit this to him, I was a little bit happy inside because at least he didn't make a hole in our family room that I would have to patch up. But then I looked at his hand. In just a matter of seconds it had swollen up, and was continuing to grow in front of our very eyes. My first thought..."Cool where's the video camera!?" (I'm sick I tell you, Sick) Luckily, I have worked many years at thinking before I speak, and every so often I actually do it, and this was one of those times. So I asked if he could move it...nope he couldn't wiggle his fingers at all. He had a giant bump sticking out of his hand, and I mentioned that I thought it might be broken. He agreed, and I suggested that we put some ice on it and take him to the hospital. He agreed to that too. But then I remembered that both kids were asleep and it was 11:00 at night, and I didn't want to wake them up because they never sleep at the same time. Plus we live about two blocks from the hospital, and it's not like he broke his foot or something that he needed to drive with, and there was no blood... (PLUS it was his own stinkin' fault for hitting the wall like some crazy teen-ager, but I totally didn't say that out loud.) He wasn't happy about it, but he finally started to see things from my point of view and agreed to go by himself. I got him all ready to go, and then I couldn't take it any more. I had reached my think-before-you-speak limit for the night, and I HAD to ask if I could take a picture of it. It really did look cool, and I had visions in my mind of blowing the photo up and hanging it on the wall just above the faint print of his fist. It could serve as a reminder to keep emotions in check. It seemed like a great idea to me. He told me I could NOT take a picture, and then he said I was being immature. Really, the guy who just punched a wall because someone called his family a mean name, called ME immature. REALLY?!? What a crazy wackadoo! What a crazy night! Anyway, he is at the hospital now waiting for the x-rays to come back, and I am marveling at the strange events of the night (And also making plans of how if it is broken we can get the x-ray, and the cast and make a little shadow box for them to hang above the fist print...) I will keep you posted-on the hand, and also on how things go at church. It could prove to be a lively Sabbath day-we may decide to play hooky. Time will tell.

Miss Alice Anne and the Bawl Baby

Yesterday when Ethan got off the bus we sat down on the couch like always and went through his backpack. His teacher always sends home a log of the day's activities and his performance or behavior during those activities. He didn't do very well that day, and had some pretty low scores (He had talked to Birth Grandparents the night before, so that didn't surprise me) but under computer time it said that he missed it because he was in time out. So I talked to him about it and asked him what happened, and he told me that he had thrown his food at lunch so Miss Alice Anne (one of the paras) wouldn't let him go to computers. I asked him how that made him feel, thinking that we could work around to -if you want to feel happy and go to computers you need to not throw food- He told me that is made him "Very Grumpy" so he kicked the table, and Miss Alice Anne called him a bad baby. This concerned me, so I asked him to tell me about it again and the story stayed the same. He also told me that it hurt his feelings, and made him sad about himself. Now, just a note, Ethan's teacher last year told him he was a bad boy all the time. I am a firm believer that self-esteem is key, and people act they way that they are treated. If you treat them like they are bad they will be and vice/versa. The number one reason that we moved three hundred miles away is so that Ethan could get away from people who treated him badly - specifically teachers- and so far have been very pleased with what we have found here. But then this happened... I also want to say that I understand that he was not being good, and that throwing food and kicking tables is unacceptable. I also know that Sometimes it is easy to lose your cool with Ethan. Taking care of him is often like taking care of a ticking time bomb. You never know when he is going to explode. -So, I worried about what to do all night. I really believe that Ethan was telling the truth because he doesn't really understand how to lie. I tried all kinds excuses for why the teacher would say that, and finally realized that I was never going to be satisfied until I knew what had really happened, so I wrote a note to Miss Bee (Ethan's main teacher)It told her what Ethan had told me, and asked if she had heard it, or if it was a missunderstanding or what. I sent the note to school with Ethan's folder. So this morning I get a phone call from Miss Alice Anne, who wants to explain what happened. What Ethan had said was true, but he hadn't added that ALL of the kids had been really bad that day and Miss Alice Anne had reached the end of her rope. Miss Bee wasn't there, and will not be there for the rest of the week. Miss Alice Anne was in charge, and so as Ethan was having his fit she said to another para "You take the other kids to computer and I will stay here with the bawl baby" So, she didn't say that he was bad, but still she called him a name. Ethan is going to get enough of that in his life and doesn't need it from adults who he is supposed to trust. So Miss Alice Anne said that she was sorry, and that she knew as soon as she said it that she shouldn't have, and if she had known that Ethan could hear her she never would have said it at all. Well, that is not a good excuse, but I could tell that she really is sorry about it, and I do have to give her credit for calling me, I know that it had to be hard. We had a good long talk where she said her piece and I said mine, and I think we both found a solution that we are happy with, but AAAHHHHHH!!! What a headache. I asked my mom when you ever get to stop worrying about you kids, and she said "When you die...and they die too...hopefully" Not a lot of help there, Mom. I am really stuck between where to step in. I know people are going to be mean, and kids need to learn that, but I don't think that right now is the right time for him to learn that adults are mean too. Especially not teachers. I have fought really hard to restore Ethan's trust in people. My whole life as long as I have known Ethan has been all about protecting him, and I just don't know where to draw the line of letting him discover real life, and saving him from it. AAAHHHH!- one more time, and then I'm done. Sorry that this has been so negative. That's the thing about blogging, I write about it when it is fresh in my mind, and don't have time to filter the negative out. Oh, well.

The Doctor

I have had a lot of people write and ask how Ethan's Doctor's appointment went, so I guess I will write about that now. It went so well! I got the name of the clinic in Logan from my friend Melissa, but the doctor she sees was booked until the 28th, so we got an appointment with a newer doctor in the clinic. And I am so glad we did. He was the perfect doctor for us. I LOVE him too. Not quite as much as the dentist because I really do love that guy, but it's a close second for sure:) Anyway, he is so patient with Ethan, and really friendly. He made him feel very comfortable, and Ethan calmed right down. He was also really great with me. He wasn't nice, just telling me what he thought I wanted to hear. He told me the facts, no matter how hard, and then how to deal with it. My past experiences with doctors has been, they find out what is wrong with Ethan, and that coupled with his history makes them know that we are dealing with something difficult, so they sugar coat it and pat me on the arm and say that everything is going to work out, it will all be okay, and slowly give me bits and pieces of the problem so as not to scare me. I have come to terms with everything that comes along with Ethan a long time ago, it isn't scary to me, I don't need to be told that everything will be okay, I need to be told the problem, and what it is goin to take to fix it. I need the facts, not sympathy. I don't feel like Ethan is a burden, he is my son, and while he does come with a few extra challenges, I don't need anyone to feel sorry for us, especially when it takes away from me being able to give him 100% of what he needs. This doctor is awesome. He gave it to me strait, and even though it was mostly bad news he didn't baby me along. He also talked to me like I was smart, and I loved that too. He realised that I knew what I was talking about, and spoke to me like I did. He also knows a lot about the special problems Ethan faces and wasn't intimidated by it. He has the latest info on new studies and treatments, and was willing to share those with me, as well as his opinion about what is right for us, and has agreed to work with me to find the best program to fit Ethan's needs. All in all it was a good experience. He did clear Ethan to get the dental work done at the hospital, however he did find a problem with his heart. It isn't really serious yet, but he wants to monitor it very closely, and see Ethan at least once a month for the next year or so. As long as it doesn't get worse everything will be fine. So in total it was a good day. (Even though we had a traumatic experience with a urine sample and Adia calling out the door to the doctor giving him a play by play of what was going on-everyone was impressed with the vocabulary, by the way- which gave Ethan a slight case of stage fright making the job of getting the cup full that much more difficult. Next time we are leaving that little helper home. Now they both tell everyone we see about it-"mom put Ethan's pee in a cup and carried it around with her."...) Anyway, it was great and now I know once again that this is the place we are supposed to be. My mom is going to cry when she reads that, but it's true, and even she knows it. (Love you mom) Anyway, that's it from our zoo.

Mary Kay strikes again!

Okay, so there are a lot of reasons that I love Mary Kay, and Mary Kay has made a lot of things better in our house, but here is one I experienced this morning. I am doing positive affirmations each morning (My MK friends know what I'm talking about) which started out as really hard for me, but as I have done them they have made me believe them, and I am now a much more powerful person. So anyway, I walked down stairs this morning to check on Adia. She was in the playroom playing dress up in a little vanity mirror that she has. I walked in and heard her saying...I am smart enough, powerful enough, and able to do anything I set my mind to. I CAN achieve my dreams. I don't know if you have heard, but I am a PRETTY BIG DEAL... It just makes me giggle because how many times must she have heard me saying that in order to have it down like that. And I didn't even know that anyone had ever heard me do that. I thought I was doing it in privacy. (Yeah, I'm a mom, what is privacy?)But why do I do that, couldn't my whole family and those around me benifit from hearing some of that stuff? But the most important thing I got from hearing this is my little girl has a positive self image. If she can grow up knoing that she is a BIG DEAL, how will that change her life? I think it will make her a much stronger person, and she will be so ahead of the game. Isn't that what we all want? For our kids to know that they are special, and that they are children of God, and that they can achieve anything? Anyway, I just thought it was cool.

Why can't anything be simple?

You may think that I am just being dramatic, but it's true. NOTHING happens the easy way at our house. Usually in the long run we find that it happened for the best, but while its happening it just seems like if something can go wrong it does. Take today for example. The day started out well enough but then 12:15am rolled around and it's all been down hill from there. Just kidding, It really did start out alright. Ethan was up most of the night, but he was good about it, and I caught a few naps here and there. Today Ethan was going to the dentist which if you know Ethan, that is enough to strike fear into the heart of one and all. He doesn't handle doctors well. I had called the school and told them that Ethan wouldn't be there, and I thought they would let the bus people know. Well, 7:30 rolls around I am soaping up in the shower singing a little ditty and I hear the doorbell ring. At first I ignore it, thinking that anyone rude enough to come by before eight without an appointment deserves to stand out in the cold. Then the bell rings again, and I hear Ethan tear down the stairs hollering that he will get it. I don't want him letting random people in our house, or going with anyone, so I jump out of the shower, shampoo bubbles dripping down my face, run out of the bathroom, pulling my robe on as I slide across the bathroom floor. I dash to the entry way of the house to see the door swung wide open, and no one in sight. I rush to the door and look to find Ethan getting on the bus with the aid with Adia running right behind him. I dash out shouting for them to stop, explain everything to the bus driver and aid, as soapy ice crystals form on my hair and the neighbors all get a great view of me in my bathrobe(NOT a pretty sight I might add), and gather up my children. (As if the bus driver doesn't already think I am pathetic enough, I have to keep confirming all of her beliefs day after day) So we get back in the house and after I deadbolt the door and latch the chain we all get ready for the day. Then we go to Providence to the dentist who I LOVE!!! I really do, I LOVE him. I told Troy that and he asked if he needed to worry about our marraige. And really, if I didn't love my family the way it was he might need to worry, because I love this guy. He is perfect with Ethan, and is very understanding. He is patient and gentle, and his staff is wonderful too. When you have had nothing but horrifying experiences with Dentists and doctors it really does make a difference when someone cares. Anyway, you get the point. We found out that Ethan has lost much of the enamal on his teeth (Very common for autistic kids)and has a cavity. Great, lets fix it right...no, that's much too easy. Because of the way Ethan reacts to the dentist he is recommending that we take him to the hospital and put him completely under so that there is as little trauma to Ethan, myself and the dentist as possible. (So here I start loving the dentist a little less) Okay, for as long as we have had Ethan we have tried going at things the "Natural" way so as not to mess up his levels or his schedule, but the dentist insists that this is the safest most effective way, and has facts and pamphlets for me to read, and takes the time to explain it and answer all of my question, so I decide it will be alright and we can get started right?...Nope, not that easy either. The hospital won't do the procedure unless they have a note from Ethan's doctor saying he is in good enough health. Makes sence right? I'm okay with that, but we don't have a doctor here yet, and they won't accept a fax from either our Family doctor in Moab or the specialist in Cedar City. (That part I don't get) So I come home and call every doctor in Brigham who will accept children, and either they aren't accepting new patients, or they are booked until late December. So finally I find a doctor who will accept Ethan in Logan (Thanks so much Melissa!)and we are going in to see him tomorrow. So, Ethan is missing another day of school, but I made sure to call the bus driver, and I am putting a note on the door in the morning, and locking the chain on the door just to be safe. Yes, life around here is always an adventure.

I'm a drinker too!

See, and I thought I wouldn't have anything to write about. Boy was I wrong. My kids can walk and talk, therefore I have plenty to write about. I was hanging out with Adia and my friend Misty waiting for Ethan's bus to come. All at once I realized that I had consumed almost two and a half gallons of water today, and hadn't used the bathroom since last night, so I needed to go. I tlod Misty that I drank too much and I needed to go to the bathroom, and left her to wait for Ethan. The bus came while I was still in the house, and if it isn't me who picks him up the person has to be on the list (Which Misty is) and they have to sign him out before he can get on the bus. While the aid was taking care of that the bus driver was trying to make conversation with Adia. She asked her where I was, and Adia answered "my mom drinks too much so she had to stay in the house." Apperantly the look the driver gave was pretty funny because when I walked outside Misty was laying on the front lawn laughing so hard she couldn't stand up. Not only that, but she didn't even bother to correct the situation, so now the bus driver not only thinks my husband left me, but also that I am a drunk. Which thinking about it, it might make sence... one could be the reason for the other. I guess it's a good thing that I stopped caring too much what other people think of me BEFORE I had kids, huh? Anyway, just thought you might enjoy...

I am a blogger!

Well, I finally did it. I finally decided to blog. Everyone keeps telling me to do it, and while I worry that I won't have much to blog about, at least it will eliminate the insanely long emails I send out every month or two. I also figure that even if no one else reads it at least I am making a consious effort to write down the little events in our lives that often fall through the cracks and become forgotten.
So now on to our life. We are pretty boring here. We have enjoyed this weekend because Troy has been home. He has been working up in Wyoming for the last 6 weeks, and only comes home for the weekends, and we really miss him. (Especially me, it's hard to be a mom with no support system) Ethan told his bus driver the other day that his dad doesn't live here anymore. And although it isn't exactly what she thinks, it is kind of true. Oh, well, he is hoping to have everything wrapped up there by Thanksgiving, so then he will move back in with us. Adia got her stitches out on Sunday, yes I took her, Troy couldn't handle it. The nurse who did it was a little bit mean,and not very compasionate. Adia was crying, and the lady told her to shut up. Shut up is a naughty word at our house, so Adia stopped crying, looked up at her and said "That is a naughty word and you are a grouchy butt!" (I don't know why shut up is a naughty word and grouchy butt is not, but that's how we roll) So that was not one of our finer moments, but it's over, and hopefully we won't have to go back again for a while. Ethan is doing great in school this week (It's only Tuesday morning, but hey, you have to take your joy when it comes) He made some great breakthroughs is therapy yesterday, and we are proud of him. Well, that is about it for us today. I guess that wasn't too hard. I'll keep working on it. It has to get better right?