Miss Alice Anne and the Bawl Baby

Yesterday when Ethan got off the bus we sat down on the couch like always and went through his backpack. His teacher always sends home a log of the day's activities and his performance or behavior during those activities. He didn't do very well that day, and had some pretty low scores (He had talked to Birth Grandparents the night before, so that didn't surprise me) but under computer time it said that he missed it because he was in time out. So I talked to him about it and asked him what happened, and he told me that he had thrown his food at lunch so Miss Alice Anne (one of the paras) wouldn't let him go to computers. I asked him how that made him feel, thinking that we could work around to -if you want to feel happy and go to computers you need to not throw food- He told me that is made him "Very Grumpy" so he kicked the table, and Miss Alice Anne called him a bad baby. This concerned me, so I asked him to tell me about it again and the story stayed the same. He also told me that it hurt his feelings, and made him sad about himself. Now, just a note, Ethan's teacher last year told him he was a bad boy all the time. I am a firm believer that self-esteem is key, and people act they way that they are treated. If you treat them like they are bad they will be and vice/versa. The number one reason that we moved three hundred miles away is so that Ethan could get away from people who treated him badly - specifically teachers- and so far have been very pleased with what we have found here. But then this happened... I also want to say that I understand that he was not being good, and that throwing food and kicking tables is unacceptable. I also know that Sometimes it is easy to lose your cool with Ethan. Taking care of him is often like taking care of a ticking time bomb. You never know when he is going to explode. -So, I worried about what to do all night. I really believe that Ethan was telling the truth because he doesn't really understand how to lie. I tried all kinds excuses for why the teacher would say that, and finally realized that I was never going to be satisfied until I knew what had really happened, so I wrote a note to Miss Bee (Ethan's main teacher)It told her what Ethan had told me, and asked if she had heard it, or if it was a missunderstanding or what. I sent the note to school with Ethan's folder. So this morning I get a phone call from Miss Alice Anne, who wants to explain what happened. What Ethan had said was true, but he hadn't added that ALL of the kids had been really bad that day and Miss Alice Anne had reached the end of her rope. Miss Bee wasn't there, and will not be there for the rest of the week. Miss Alice Anne was in charge, and so as Ethan was having his fit she said to another para "You take the other kids to computer and I will stay here with the bawl baby" So, she didn't say that he was bad, but still she called him a name. Ethan is going to get enough of that in his life and doesn't need it from adults who he is supposed to trust. So Miss Alice Anne said that she was sorry, and that she knew as soon as she said it that she shouldn't have, and if she had known that Ethan could hear her she never would have said it at all. Well, that is not a good excuse, but I could tell that she really is sorry about it, and I do have to give her credit for calling me, I know that it had to be hard. We had a good long talk where she said her piece and I said mine, and I think we both found a solution that we are happy with, but AAAHHHHHH!!! What a headache. I asked my mom when you ever get to stop worrying about you kids, and she said "When you die...and they die too...hopefully" Not a lot of help there, Mom. I am really stuck between where to step in. I know people are going to be mean, and kids need to learn that, but I don't think that right now is the right time for him to learn that adults are mean too. Especially not teachers. I have fought really hard to restore Ethan's trust in people. My whole life as long as I have known Ethan has been all about protecting him, and I just don't know where to draw the line of letting him discover real life, and saving him from it. AAAHHHH!- one more time, and then I'm done. Sorry that this has been so negative. That's the thing about blogging, I write about it when it is fresh in my mind, and don't have time to filter the negative out. Oh, well.