Vulnerability

I recently went to a conference that got me thinking about vulnerability. The presenter was sharing a program developed by Bren’e Brown (You might recognize her from THIS TED TALK - if you don’t, go watch it, it’s worth your time.) It was talking about the power of relationships. In my work we believe that healing happens in relationships. And aren’t we all a little bit broken in some way or another? Don’t we all need a little healing from time to time. The kids that I work with are a little more so than most of us, but this message applies to everybody, I think. A quote from Bren’e that really spoke to me is this, “Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, accountability, and authenticity.” Those are things I definitely want and even NEED in my life. And vulnerability is where it starts. 

I think these days we misunderstand what vulnerability is. In the age of social media -in your face 24/7 - wear my heart on my status bar - post every thought that comes to my mind - it is easy to get confused. Vulnerability is not live tweeting your bikini wax, vulnerability is not attention seeking, vulnerability is not dirty laundry. Vulnerability is about intimacy, it is about connection, it is courage and raw and truth. Vulnerability is being brave enough to open your heart and offer what’s in there to someone else with the knowledge that anything could happen. But it’s only through getting to this place that  you can experience true, healthy relationships. It is only through being vulnerable that you can experience the happiness and success life has in store for you. Being vulnerable is different for different people. It could mean saying hello to a new person in your neighborhood, it could be allowing yourself to cry with a friend who needs some empathy. It could be standing up for something you believe in, even when it isn’t the popular point of view. It could mean being the first one to say I love you, or addressing an addiction you’ve kept with you for far too long. It is yours, whatever you decide. 

But here’s the thing about vulnerability. It’s hard. It’s scary. I don’t like to do it. I like it when other people do it, in fact part of my job is to get people to do it, but when it comes to me, I like my heart packed away neatly with the rest of my baggage thank you very much. I’ve been hurt and stomped on and betrayed and rejected, and that makes it hard to open up again. But here’s the other thing: I want relationships with my family and friends and even people I haven’t met yet. I want to be able to do relationships well. I want joy. I want success. I want to be genuine. So I am pushing myself to be vulnerable. Recently I have had an experience professionally, and one personally where I raked up what little courage I had and ventured waaaaaay out of my comfort zone. I’ll let you know how it turns out... What about you? Do you dare?