Part three: Adia and I
After seeing how successful Ethan’s BIT was I decided that Adia needed it. Adia doesn’t have the challenges Ethan has, but I still knew it would change her life. She is pretty good at everything she does. Some of that is natural talent, she’s just blessed with strengths in a lot of areas. But a lot of her success comes from determination. If she finds something she wants to do that she isn’t very good at she works and works and works on it until she IS good at it. She doesn’t give up or get discouraged, she just works harder and harder until she becomes an expert. So while it looks like she’s just perfect at everything, there is a lot that goes on behind the scenes to get her to that point. But one way or another she’s used to being successful at things.
But then there’s Spelling.
For a girl who’s good at everything, that girl can. not. spell. At all! I have never seen someone who is so bad at spelling. She could not grasp the rules of the English language - which I realize isn’t easy, but she struggled more than most. She wanted to be good at spelling, but she just wasn’t. So she practiced. A lot. She would bring her spelling words home on Monday night, and we would study them. She would then take a test, and write each of the words she missed five times. Then she would repeat the process three times each night. We also tried tricks, rules, quizzes, associations, anything we could think of. By Friday she was no closer to knowing how to spell those words than she was on Monday, and she ended up getting D’s of even F’s week after week. This was SO FRUSTRATING for a girl who’s good at everything. It seriously started to effect her self esteem, but I just didn’t know how to help her. Then when I was talking with Trevor at Ethan’s BIT he mentioned that it helps with spelling, and I knew Adia needed it.
Since our divorce, Adia has always had a lot of anxiety. She wants to know what “the plan” is and has a hard time when plans change. Every night she would as me to outline everything I was expecting to happen the next day before she would be able to go to sleep. She would get especially anxious when we would do something out of the ordinary, and when she would go visit her dad she would literally make herself sick from worry. I hated that because, as much as I want to, I can’t change the fact that life is sometimes uncertain, and there is simply no way to predict every single thing that is going to happen, nor can I make other people follow our plan.
I know they sound like little things, but they worried me, and they seriously effected her life. So I decided she better get BIT as well. In her session she was really curious and kept asking Trevor what her brain was telling him. He was mostly honest, but there was some crazy story about a unicorn that I don’t think was quite accurate. She had a lot more emotional stuff to clear than Ethan. She had some hard feelings about the divorce, some grief and loss associated with the adoption, some disappointment toward her dad not always being reliable, and some resentment toward Ethan and I because I spend more time and attention on him. He cleared those things. When her BIT was over she had better decoding skills, could do complex puzzles, had a clearer memory, and could balance better. But she was already fairly good at those things, so the true test came when we were on our way home. Because we were already in the area, we had made arrangements for her to stay the night with her dad. Generally she gets very nervous about her visits, to the point that she even throws up. But this time, as we were getting closer to his house she just kept chatting away like nothing was happening. I kept asking her, “are you okay?”, “How are you feeling?”, “Do you need me to pull over?” but she didn’t. She was totally fine. She never got anxious, even when we pulled up and went inside. She was happy to be there, and when I picked her up the next morning, she said that was the best visit she’d ever had. She isn’t as anxious at home either. She doesn’t need a detailed plan for every day, I can simply say, “I’m going to work, You’re going to school, So and so is picking you up, and I’ll be home around 5.” It’s as easy as that. And if things don’t go the way she thought, she can roll with it better. Over Christmas she went on a trip out of state with her dad. Even though it was the first Christmas she wasn’t with me, and she had been a wreck about it for months before the trip, she took it all in stride. Even when some really big things came up that changed their plan entirely - a few times- she was disappointed, but she didn’t fall apart. She held it together, and had a pretty good time.
She has gotten 100% on every spelling test since the BIT. ( 5 so far) She studies one time each night, and usually by the second night she can get them all right. It is amazing how that has changed her perception of herself. She has always been super smart - ahead of her class in most areas, yet if you would ask her she would tell you she was stupid, all because of the spelling thing. Now that isn’t an issue, and she feels so much better about herself. I love the confidence this has given her.
She also has a better relationship with the main players in her life. She has forgiven us, and let go of the hard feelings. She is more patient and caring toward Ethan, and helps him more than she used to.
She also used to get a little bit of seasonal depression in the winter. It wasn’t a deep scary depression, she just got sluggish, sadder than usual, it was hard to motivate her, and she was kind of apathetic about everything. Now, even though we have had some dark and stormy days weather wise, she has not had any dark and stormy days emotionally. It wasn’t a huge thing, but it matters.
Now on to me. I am a wreck and always have been, so I knew I needed this! :)
Really, I had a few things that I didn’t know if this would help, but I wanted to give it a try. First, I just wanted to generally think clearer. Things would get cloudy sometimes, I had a hard time remembering things, and I had poor reading retention (not good with me just starting the master’s program). I also have had really bad headaches, sensitive eyes, poor vision, and a poor sense of smell for several years. The doctor thought it was likely caused by a tumor in my pituitary gland, but it wasn’t a big enough deal to remove it. I tried a few things to lessen the symptoms, but nothing really worked, so I just suffered through. The headaches started about 7 years ago - though at the time I didn’t know what caused them - and gradually got worse in intensity and frequency until I had headaches every single day. Sometimes it was just a dull ache, but quite often it was intense pain, and several times a month it was a migraine. It’s hard to be a single mom while working full time and going to school with a migraine. It made everything I did that much harder. In one of our conversations Trevor had mentioned that he can help with pain, so I thought it was worth a try. I also wanted to lose weight. I have tried diet and exercise, and just never got the results I wanted. I know that my weight is tied a lot to my emotions, so I asked Trevor if there was something he could do to help that.
My experience was a lot like the kids at first. I chose to forgo the testing at the beginning of the session because I already knew it worked, and I didn’t need proof. :) We just chatted aways all morning as Trevor fixed my brain. Then after lunch, we did the marching and balancing thing. I had been nervous about that part for some reason, and started to feel my anxiety rise. I made it through, and we moved on to Trevor telling me a group of numbers and having me repeat them forward and backward. I had been dreading this part for weeks, and almost cancelled my appointment because of the anxiety it caused. I had tried it when my kids were doing it, and I could only get three forward and two backward. I was so embarrassed at how stupid I was, I didn’t want to do it. I started sweating and I could feel my heart racing. Without realizing it I had a white knuckle death grip on the massage table. Trevor asked me what was going on and I explained how nervous I was. Trevor said it was obvious I had some pretty severe test anxiety (I always have) and cleared me of that! Yay! I haven’t taken a test since, but I’m excited to see how it works. I was able to immediately calm down and I was able to repeat 6 numbers forward and 5 backward. - It was working!
Then came the emotional clearing part. With my kids it had been pretty surface level. He didn’t go into a lot of detail with them, and it was fairly painless. But with me I had a lot of emotional stuff I wanted to get rid of. I was pretty open with him about some experiences I have had, and the emotions I have surrounding those experiences. I had some people I had some hard feelings for, and I wanted to let all of that go. So I let my guard down and shared a LOT with Trevor. You totally don’t have to do that if you don’t want to. THe emotional clearing my kids got was sufficient for them, but because I gave him permission to, we went a lot deeper for mine. I specifically wanted to forgive Troy for some things. And I wanted to clear the emotions that were linked to my weight. This is an optional thing, so don’t let it scare you. I won’t go into most of it, but I’ll tell you that it was a little draining. I learned a lot of things about myself that I didn’t know. Immediately I felt lighter and freer. I felt better about myself. I had hope for my future, and confidence in who I was and my ability as a mother, a social worker, and a person. I can’t explain it really, I just feel like I’m okay, and I’m not sure I’ve ever felt that way before. I have always been my own worst critic, and I’m harder on myself than I have to be. I feel so much pressure to have everything be perfect, and I after BIT I can finally let myself off the hook.
So, let me tell you about my incredible results. First of all, about half way through my session I realized that my head didn’t hurt. I figured it was a coincidence, and I expected it would come back in the late afternoon, which was normal, but it didn’t. So I felt lucky, but expected to get one around bed time, like normal... but I didn’t. So I thought I would probably wake up in the night with one... no... or in the morning... no. Since having BIT done two and a half weeks ago I have not had a single headache. Even when traveling for work (changing elevations used to do me in) or driving on I-15 in rush hour traffic, or in cold weather, or in bright lights, or when spending hours in front of a computer screen (all of which used to bring on headaches). I can’t even tell you how amazing it is to not be in constant pain. I feel SO MUCH BETTER! It is incredible. So incredible that sometimes it makes me want to cry, I am so grateful. Already I figure I’ve saved about $20-30 just on pain reliever. I used to buy pain reliever more often than I bought milk. It was a weekly staple, and now I’ve had the same full bottle of Excedrin Migraine in my purse for almost three weeks! The next thing I noticed was on the drive home. I have been night blind for my whole life. I have a hard time driving at night because I can’t judge distances. I can’t tell how close cars are to me, I can’t see how soon my turn is coming, I can’t tell how close people are to the curb, so I always think people were running out in front of my car, I could tell a turn was coming up because I could see delineator posts crossing the road, but because I couldn’t judge distance I couldn’t tell which way the turn was. It made life really hard because of the massive amount of traveling I do, there was no way to avoid traveling at night, but it totally wasn’t safe. On my drive home from the BIT, I was able to see! It was amazing, like a whole new world! And since that time I have noticed improvements in my night vision. (Ethan overheard me telling someone that and decided that I would make a great spy because I wouldn’t need night vision goggles - not quite- but for all the difference it makes it might as well be)
I also have lost 11 pounds since having it done. I have been trying to watch what I eat, but for a series of reasons I haven’t worked out much since having it done. I can’t wait for things to slow down a bit in the next couple of weeks and I can start really working on it and see what kind of results I see!
My senses are heightened. I can smell better and hear better. I can taste flavors more intensely- which has made cooking a bit tricky, but ultimately will help (I hope). One funny thing is that I can hear singing. Its hard to explain, but I could never hear different voices before. I could tell when someone was noticeably off key, but other than that voices all just blended together. And I couldn’t hear myself sing at all. Now I can... and I feel the need to apologize. I’m not a good singer, and I am very aware of that now. But it is fun to be able to tell now!:)
My handwriting has improved.
When I would focus on something I used to have to close my left eye. Things were blurry and moved around on me if I didn’t. Now I don’t have to do that. I’m excited because I think I was developing lines around my left eye more than my right, from squinting, and I was worried about that.
I sleep! I have never slept well. In fact that’s what I used to say about Ethan not sleeping - that God had been preparing me for Ethan my whole life, because I never required a lot of sleep. Even after Ethan started sleeping through the night, I never could. I have always had a hard time falling asleep, and a hard time staying asleep. And my sleep was never restful. I can probably count on my fingers the number of good, peaceful dreams I have had in my lifetime. I’m a planner. I lay down to sleep, and I think about all the things I need to get done, and how am I going to help Ethan do better in school, and how soon is Ethan going to wake up, and am I being a good enough mom, how can I be a better one, and what would I do if someone broke into our house right now, how would I get my kids out safely, do they remember the fire escape plan that we practiced, what if we get carjacked, am I doing a good enough job at work, what about so and so’s case, how am I going to get them to follow the service plan so we don’t have to remove their kids, how is court going to go tomorrow, what should I wear to court tomorrow, I need to do laundry, I really need to deep clean my closets, if I clean the kids closets I can donate the clothes that are too small to the family down the street, the lady who lives next door to them has depression- I should visit her more, I need to write a thank you card... and on and on. You can see how it gets out of hand. And when I finally would fall asleep I would dream up the solutions to all of the problems, and I would clean my closet and do the laundry and bake cookies for the depressed lady, and figure out ten different ways to help my clients keep their kids in place, and come up with an escape plan for being car-jacked (FYI crash into something - you will be wearing your seat belt, but carjackers rarely take the time to buckle up...) I would sometimes come up with great plans, but I would wake up more tired than when I went to bed. This problem has become worse since I started at DCFS, because I get too emotionally invested in my cases, and it is a high stress job. I was exhausted. Now I sleep. I still take some time to fall asleep, but I sleep through the night, and I have good dreams about happy things and I wake up refreshed and rested. I have never done that before. It is so nice. For the first few weeks I was constantly tired. But now that I’ve caught up a little I feel so much more rested and it’s amazing how that effects everything else.
I feel less stressed. I still have all of the same stresses, but they don’t overwhelm me anymore. I can prioritize and let go of things and worry less.
I can forgive. I’ve always been a good forgiver, but some circumstances in the past few years have made it hard for me to forgive some people who continue to do super crappy things all the time. Now I can see that this is just who they are, and they can’t help it right now. They never learned how to NOT be crappy. And I’m okay with that. I don’t let it control me. They try to crap on me and it just rolls right off my back. And that’s all I’ll say about that - but it really does work, and forgiving is SO freeing!
Trevor says that one side effect of BIT for single people is that they get married! Yay! That hasn’t happened yet, but I’m putting it out there, so you know that all of those great single guys you’ve been hiding away, waiting for me to be ready, you can finally start setting me up because it’s time now! :) I’m even thinking about online dating (Yikes!) and Adia is on board for that. She keeps taking pictures of me to use in my online profile... except they are not flattering. They are pictures of me doing things, like cleaning the toilet, or cooking dinner, or dancing (not well) with Ethan. And today at church when the lady in charge of the old singles activities gave me a flier for the next pot luck fireside Adia told her that I would “definitely be there because it sounds like a great place to meet men.” She’s so helpful! But I am kind of excited about the prospects... not at the potluck, but just the fact that I might not be single forever.
And I just feel confident. And competent. And I like myself. And that’s pretty great.
Now, just a few more things:
Everyone keeps asking me how much it costs. I won’t lie, it’s expensive. It’s $1500. Trevor has a deal that you pay $1500 for the first person, and then $1250 for each additional person in your immediate family. That’s still a lot. For our family I think considering things like medication, doctor’s appointments, therapy, tutors, etc. that we won’t need now, we will be saving money in the long run. Every situation is different. This is our family, and these are the results we have seen. I can’t guarantee what your results will be, nor do I know what your struggle are. I can’t tell you what to do, and wouldn’t, even if I could. But I will say that after having done it, with the results we have seen I would do it over again. I feel like it was a worthwhile investment for our family, and I have not regrets at all.
I have also been getting a lot of questions about our “brain guy”. (I like calling him that:) There are a lot of options of people who do it, and in my first post I explained how to find one in your area. But I just want to tell you a little about Trevor. I feel like he was absolutely the best person for my family. He is kind and sincere, and caring. He was patient with my kids, which gets BIG brownie points from me. He wasn’t pushy. I’m sure he’s in it to make money, because it’s his career, but I never felt pressured, and I always felt like doing what was best for my family was more important to him than how much he would make. That makes a big difference because its a lot of money to me, and I want to know that I’m spending it on someone who really cares. He was easy to spend time with. That matters when you’re spending ALL DAY LONG with someone. I have actually spent 4 FULL DAYS with him (I went with a friend who had it done too) and I still enjoy his company. :) He knows what he’s doing. He is educated on it, and had answers for all ten million questions I have asked him. He didn’t mind explaining what he was doing, and while I’m sure I am WAY more annoying, than most of his clients, he didn’t act like I bothered him. I felt safe. I know that sounds a little funny to say about someone I don’t really know, but I felt like I could open up to him about the real emotions, and he heard me, he handled those feelings with care, and he didn’t judge me. He wasn’t shocked or horrified by my baggage, but he seemed to really care about helping me get rid of it. He went above and beyond to help us. And he answers my emails. Before and after the BIT I emailed him with questions, concerns, and asking for advice. He was good at getting back to me, even though he really didn’t have to. It’s just nice to know that you have that extra support if you have a question, you know? I was really pleased with our experience with Trevor. I got the feeling that this is a calling for him. Like he was put here to help people. That resonates with me because I feel like I have a similar calling. I like people like that. And I like Trevor. There are other options, and I can’t say what would be best for your family, but I would recommend Trevor, our “brain guy” to anyone.
And I guess that’s it. If you have any other questions feel free to contact me.
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