The End

Well, the time got away from me, and I didn't get to post even half of the things I wanted to. I didn't even get to finish sharing our story. This is the last part that I am going to post here, but if you want to hear the end go HERE and read the whole thing. Thank you so much for participating in this really special month with me. I really enjoyed sharing with you, and hope that you learned something. Please remember that if you have any questions please ask me any time. And enjoy the story.
Baby Tabbitha had been placed in a foster home, but not with the grandparents. They knew they couldn't handle both of the kids.We were warned that because we were adding another baby to the mix it was going to take a little bit longer to place them with us, but they assured us it would only be about two weeks. So we set up a nursery for a baby girl. We painted and set up a crib and changing table, and had everything ready for our new baby girl. And then one day we got a call from the LDSFS Social worker in New Mexico. The state appointed attorney who represented the kids had found out that we were "Mormons" (Evidently she didn't realize that "LDS Family Services" and "Mormon social worker" meant the same thing for all of these months) She didn't like Mormons, and thought we were trying to hide the fact that we were Mormon by calling ourselves LDS. She petitioned to the court that we not be granted custody of the kids because of the kinds of religious practices we were a part of. The judge who was over the case thought that families should be kept together, and had been trying every method possable to get the parents to take custody of Ethan again. He had told them that if they would go to counseling and get a job and a home (At that point they were homeless) they could have the kids back. Then the attorney suggested that we not be aloud to take the kids and he jumped right on board with her. At our court date in February it was determined that we would not be getting either child. We were devastated! For days I couldn't stop crying. I couldn't eat or sleep. I took down everything from both kid's rooms and put it in the storage shed. I was truly heartbroken. But, Heavenly Father won't let a silly closed minded attorney stand in the way of His great plan. He blessed Troy and I with an added dose of strength, and blessed the attorney with a life threatening illness which took her off the case:) (No really, I'm sure Heavenly Father doesn't make people sick for other people, but she did get a rare blood disease at a very convenient time for us) Our new attorney pled with the judge to let us get the kids, and finally he agreed that we could get Ethan, but not Tabitha. We were sad, but eventually alright with that. After all, Ethan was the only one we had actually known we were supposed to have. He was our son, and we were told we could expect to pick him up in a couple of weeks. We were so excited! Then the judge remembered that he wanted to keep families together, and said we could have both kids. Again we set up both rooms, and were awaiting placement. Then the parents went to therapy, and the judge decided that he would keep the children in California and give them back to the parents when they completed his terms of rehab. We took down the rooms once again. Then the parents stopped going to therapy, and we were back on to get both kids. We were told that we would get them in two weeks. This was the end of March. Amid all of this we were also dealing with four different social services offices. Messages kept getting lost. Everyone had a different story, so even when we were up we weren't sure, and when we were down, we still had hope. No one was on the same page, and no one could manage to get all of the paperwork they needed. It was an emotional roller coaster to say the least. I hadn't gotten a new job when we moved because I thought we would be getting Ethan any time, and the church knew I would have my hands full when Ethan came so I hadn't even been given a calling. All I had to do all day was worry and stress over the kids I may or may not ever have. I am so lucky to have such wonderful friends and family, or I never would have made it through. I really learned to lean on other people, which is something I had always had a hard time with. I also learned the power of priesthood blessings at that time as I had a lot of them, and know I wouldn't have made it through without them. So, our two weeks were almost up, and we were making plans to go to California when all of a sudden the grandmother took a turn for the worst, and Ethan had to be placed somewhere else. It was decided that he would be taken to the home where Tabitha was living for a few more days until placement, and then both kids would come home with us. A few hours later we got a call from Michael from New Mexico. He had just gotten a call telling him that the Foster mother had insisted Ethan be taken from her home. She had said that the entire time the kids were together both had screamed. She said that the baby really upset Ethan, and he kept screaming and thrashing around. The foster mother had finally had enough and called social services. She said she had been doing foster care for 20 years and had never seen anything like it, and recommended that the children be separated. What we didn't know at the time, but found out later was that all of this time the LA County social worker had been telling her that she would be aloud to adopt Tabitha. LA County has such a large amount of foster kids that they often don't have enough homes for them. This lady had decided that she didn't want to do foster care anymore, but she did want to adopt a baby girl. The social worker told her that she could adopt Tabitha so that she would take her. All of this time the foster mother had no idea that we even existed, or that there was a chance she would not be aloud to keep the baby. Then Ethan came into the picture and the truth came out. So a quick judgement was made. We would only be aloud to have Ethan. We could pick him up in "Two more weeks" while he stayed with an aunt in the meantime. But, the kid's family really wanted the kids to stay together, so they requested that we be aloud to adopt both kids anyway. Between them and the hard working attourney the judge agreed to look into it. Again the issue of my age was brought up. I don't have any idea what that has to do with my ability, but aparently it is a determining factor. Luckily, before we moved I owned my own preschool and daycare, and before that I had worked for head start. We had to get letters of reference from all of the parents of the kids I worked with plus all of the teachers I had worked with at headstart talking about my ability to deal with children and problems. We had to get letters of reference from all of the people Troy worked with when he was a job coach, and still it didn't look like it would be enough. But finally after begging and pleading, and jumping through every hoop imaginable, the judge gave permission for us to get the kids. But, we didn't have a date. We figured it would be about "Two more weeks" because that was what they had been telling us since January-it was now the first of May. Then on May 12th Kyle called. He told us to get to California fast! He said that there would be a placement the next day at 8:00am. We would be picking up Ethan then. He didn't know about Tabitha, but we did know that this gave us 18 hours to makethe 12 hour drive. We frantically threw clothes in the car, grabbed the carseats, and hit the road. We called our families and Troy's boss from the road. We didn't have a moment to spare. We made the trip only stopping for gas, and arrived in California at 4:00 the next morning. We found the only motel in sight and got the only room available. It was the scariest place we have ever stayed, with bullet holes in the windows and a huge black hair in the shower. We didn't care, we were exhausted. We both showered and layed down, but the anxiety kept us from sleeping. We were waiting for Kyle when he got to his office at 8. He had us sign papers for both kids though he still wasn't sure which kid we were getting. Then we made the trip to the LA County DCFS. We were asked to wait in the lobby while the social worker came out. She was carrying the most beautiful baby girl I had ever seen. The social worker handed her to Troy and said "Meet Tabitha" Without a word, Kyle grabbed the camera from me and started snapping pictures. We looked at her and she smiled. We were instantly in love. We didn't know what had happened with the foster mother who thought that she would be adopting this beautiful baby, but my heart ached for that woman. I knew what it was like to have your dreams of a baby ripped from you, and I was sure she was hurting. Anyway, we signed papers and then headed off to Ethan's Grandparent's house to pick him up. We were getting both kids! The whole family was there to say goodbye to him (With the exception of the parents) We stayed there and heard stories of the family, and looked at photos. The family was wonderful and we loved getting to know them, but we were excited to start our family, and we had a long drive home. Finally we got up the courage to say that it was time to leave. We loaded up the car with all of Ethan's clothes and toys,and then it was time to say goodbye. That was the first day that we had ever thought about what this would be like for them. We had considered our own feelings, and the feelings of the kids, but we had never even thought about the family. They were excited for us,and knew we were the right match for the kids, but still, they were losing their family. How hard. They were all crying, and their hearts were breaking- we knew how that felt. Finally we got into the car and headed out. We drove a few blocks and then Troy pulled over, and we screamed and shouted, and did the happy dance. We were thrilled! Our journey had finally begun. We were a family! We got back on the road and started driving. Then we realized that we hadn't called our families all day. We had turned our phones off, and we each had over ten messages from our frantic mothers wondering what was going on. We called everyone with the news that we were now a family of four, and were met with many screams and cheers and tears Our 12 hour drive ended up being a 23 hour drive home. (We had never traveled with kids before so we didn't know it would take so long.) We hadn't slept in nearly 48 hours, but we were so pumped up we didn't need to sleep. We also wanted to get as far away from California as fast as we could. It was as if when we crossed the state line we would finally be safe, and no one could take our family away from us again. We just drove through the night. As we drove, we talked about Tabitha. She didn't look like a Tabitha. We pulled out the name book and started looking. We both had a list that we liked, but we came across the name Adia, which means "Gift from Heaven" We think she was sent here by my great grandma, so she kind of is a gift from heaven. It just fit, and somewhere in Nevada she went from Tabitha Marie to Adia Bailey. (Bailey was Troy's Grandma's maiden name) We finally got home about 7PM the next night. My mom and sister had put together a party for us with banners and balloons, tons of food, and family and friends to welcome us. When everyone finally left we fell into bed. We made the kids sleep with us that night, and kept waking up over and over to be sure that we were all still there. We were both afraid that we would open our eyes and it would all have been a dream.