Bothering Adia

Well, my baby girl is home. We finally got clearance to bring her back to Brigham City and it's amazing how much being home has helped her. Much of her problem seemed to be homesickness as much as any other kind of sickness. We still have to go to the doctor tomorrow and get checked out. I have every reason to believe that she is doing much better though.

When we first adopted the kids I had read several books and attended classes on how to make the adjustment easier on them, and how to bond with them. One of the things that was suggested, that we did decide to use was from Holding Time. We would give them a caramel to suck on (because the sweetness in the caramel resembled, to a certain degree, the sweetness in breast milk.) and hold them close to us on our laps and rub their back, head, face, arms, legs and tummy slowly while we talked or sang soothingly. It was really neat to notice the way this did bond us, our breathing would become in sync, the kids as well as Troy and I would relax and become calm, we would look into each other's eyes, and it would become a safe place where the world couldn't touch. It was a special thing that we still continue to do today, though not as often as before. As time went on, Adia grew less fond of the whole thing. She didn't want to be held down, she wanted to see the world, and didn't want to miss anything. That is very common, and means that she feels secure enough in her environment that she doesn't really need to do it as often anymore. But, we still made her do it occasionally anyway. When she was able to talk she started calling the whole process "Bothering" as in "Mom quit bothering me". Now that's what we all call in, but even though it has a kind of negative name, whenever our kids seem upset, sick, or feel like the world is a little out of control they ask to be bothered. It is nice that they have that special thing that makes them feel secure, and a place to go where everything feels safe. Anyway, the reason I am telling this story is because I have been "bothering" Adia since I got down there to be with her. She keeps asking for me to bother her over and over. During the day she wants bothered, at night when we are trying to sleep she lays next to me and asks me to bother her, but if I ever stop she wakes up and makes me bother her some more. To tell you the truth, she took something that I normally like, and now I am the one being bothered by it. I will be happy when she feels better, and we can stop bothering each other for a while:)
Now on to a fun story about Ethan and I bothering each other, but in a different way. We were driving home to get Adia, and as most of you know it is a pretty long trip. (About 6 hours if you don't stop) This was made almost two hours longer because the freeway was closed, and they sent everyone on this crazy detour that made no sense at all. Ethan usually handles the trip pretty well, but I guess without his sister he was getting bored or something because he kept asking "Mom, what are you doing?" literally every five minutes. At first I was really good about it. I was trying to be the constant in his world of mixed up routines, and so each time he would ask I would answer "I'm driving you to Grandma's house." So every five minutes for 8 hours it was "mom, what are you doing?", "I'm driving you to Grandma's house." It was pretty annoying. Finally, we were about ten minutes from my mom's house and he asked, I answered, and he asked immediately again, no five minute pause for relief. I had reached the end of my rope. I was battling crazy-bad traffic (I know, no one is going to believe that there was bad traffic at La Sal Junction, but it's true, Someone had hit what looked like an entire herd of deer, and the Sheriff and every person who had driven past in the last twenty minutes were parked along the side of the road, half way on half way off the road, you know, redneck style. Then just past that I had a situation with a cow that I don't even want to talk about. ) And then I was trying to keep an eye out for deer so I didn't end up like the guy I had just passed, and all of that combined with the stress of a long trip, worry about my little girl, and Ethan's constant "Mom, what are you doing?" was too much for me to handle. I answered him the second time, not with the usual answer he was expecting, but with "Ethan, what am I doing?" He thought about it for a minute, and answered "Mom, I think you are driving me crazy." He was right, we were going crazy, and I was in the driver's seat.