Where do babies come from?

After reading the title you might be thinking that this will be a funny/humiliating post about something my kids said. It's not, sorry to dissapoint you. It's pretty loaded, and I really would like some feedback on it if you have any ideas.

We have always been really open about adoption. We aren't those parents who hide it from their kids until they are 18 and then the kid goes through an identity crisis not knowing who they are and runs away in a teen-age rant to find their "real" parents who turn out to be a disappointing junky or something who in the end, sends the kid home, all the more confused to sort out "who he really is" and become an alcoholic who is so worried about not repeating his history that he ultimately ruins his life over it. (yes, it's 3:25 in the morning, and I have watched too much Lifetime, on TV.) Anyway, that's not who we are. Our kids know that they are adopted. And we look at pictures of the first time we met all the time, and watch movies of the day we became a family, and talk to their biological grandparents all the time, always explaining who they are, and where they fit into our family line. We talk openly to other people about it, and are active in our Family Supporting Adoption group (an LDS Family Services Group that provides support for people who are involved in or considering adoption), and have even been able to help other people understand it and make decisions about it in their own lives. Our kids KNOW that they are adopted. That being said, they also know that babies grow in mother's bellies. We have discussed that option (NOT in detail) with them also, especially when Cassie was pregnant with Michael. So on Thursday we were talking about being babies, and laughing about something babies do, and Ethan made a comment about me loving him even when he was growing in my belly. I told him that he didn't grow in my belly, he grew in someone else's belly and then came to live with me after that. He was confused and told me how babies come from their mom's belly, and I had told him that and his teacher had told him that, and the lady in primary had told him that (Why were they talking about it in either of those places?) and he saw Michael growing and making Aunt Cassie's belly big and he felt him kicking around in there, and now he's out so her belly is small again (I'm sure Cassie appreciates how closely we have observed the size of her belly, no pressure right:) and Ethan used to be a baby, and I am his mom, and since he had already proven that babies come from bellies he must have come from my belly. Makes sense right? But that's not how it happened, so I explained that babies don't grow in my belly so Ethan and Adia had to grow in someone else's belly, and then came to live with us after that, so I am their mom, they just grew in someone else's belly, like a present that the other lady gave to me. And he just kept saying, "but I was a baby... and babies come from their mom's belly... and you are my mom..." and going over and over that trying to make his idiot mother understand how it happens. Finally we talked about when he lived with Papa Steve and Nana Laura, and I think that was going too far back. I think it made him remember the time before that and he suddenly didn't want to talk about it anymore. And now he has been up all night with bad dreams. So I realize that I pushed too hard, and I should have just left it alone. So my question is when is enough, enough? (Like really, I want feedback on this one) How important is it for him to understand the whole thing right now? Should I just be telling him that he's right, he grew in my belly? Is there some point where he will just know how it all worked out, and I don't need to teach him about it. I mean he's six, when does that happen? And if he isn't learning it from me who is he going to learn it from? I don't want him to be given false ideas by someone else. I don't want him to feel confused about where he came from, I want him to be proud of it, of how strong he was and how he just kept looking and looking until finally he found that place he was supposed to be. And does anyone have any ideas of a good way to explain it that maybe I haven't thought of? Anyway, it's something that has been worrying me since it happened, and I thought I would share. Maybe it's a weird thing to be worried about. I mean, how much does it really matter? I think that I try so hard to explain every aspect of Ethan's life to him so that he isn't surprised by anything (It has a lot to do with some of his special needs) that maybe I over think things, and try to make him understand EVERYTHING, and it's just not important. What do you think?

Kalista

On to happier, less heavy topics, today is my niece, Kalista's birthday. Yay! She is going to come up to Salt Lake and go to the zoo to celebrate, which sounds fun. I hope it works out for them. It's hard to believe that eight years ago she was born. I remember every thing about that day. I was still in high school - wow, I just felt old for a second- I'm back now. I remember how excited I was to meet her and hold her. I remember how my dad and I went to the store five thousand times that weekend getting Kalista everything she would need, and thinking about how much work babies were. (I had no idea) And I remember her growing up, and how proud of her I have always been, and am now. She is a pretty special little girl, and she will always be really important to me. She is part of the reason that I have my kids -long story, not meant for the blog:) and she has taught me so much about being a mom, and being a person in general. She makes me want to try harder to be patient, and to be grateful for the things I have. She is a great inspiration to me. I'm pretty lucky to have her in my life. She is also quite the tease. She has discovered my ear issue,( I can't stand people to get too close to my ears, it's strange, and hard to explain) and so every single time she sees me she gets a huge smile, like she is so happy to see me, and then she pretends to give me a kiss on my cheek, but really she is just trying to get close to my ear so she can blow in it and hear me squeal. She also does this head thing where she puts her forehead up to mine and reads my thoughts. The scary thing is I really believe that she can. Good thing she can't talk much or I would be in real trouble:) She is a funny girl. I love her so much. Happy Birthday Kalista!

Kalista loving on her parents, My sister Bobbi, and my Brother-in-law, Jim

Also, the movie Juno is out on DVD this week. Have any of you seen it? We watched it in the theater, and loved it. I actually saw it with a bunch of my LDS Family Services friends. It does have a lot of not so clean humor in it - what do you expect from a movie about a teen-ager who gets pregnant- but it's not really vulgar or graphic or anything. It's probably not something that I would actually own, but it was so good as far as capturing the feelings and emotions that go on with adoption-from all angles. It does a great job at making you see what everyone in the situation goes through. The uncertainty, the emotional roller coaster, the fear that the thing you want most in the world might not come to be. It's great. I would recommend it to anyone. In case you are wondering more about it, here's a quick overview. A teenager gets pregnant, and decided to have the baby, and give it up for adoption to someone who wants a child but can't have one. She picks a nice couple, and starts to develop a relationship with them. At first you think that the Adoptive mom is really uptight, but then as you learn more about her you find out that they have already had a failed adoption and she is worried about having her heart broken again (Something I totally related to) and then her character totally makes sense. There is a huge twist at the end that either you love or you hate. Throughout the whole movie you get to see the emotions of everyone involved, the birth mother doing this selfless thing and then how she deals with things in the end (It really makes you appreciate birth mothers, and all that they have to go through) how the birth father feels, the struggles that the adoptive parents have not knowing how to bond-or IF to bond with the baby, and getting ready to have the baby. It really captures the emotion from every perspective, but it doesn't over think it for you. It doesn't explain everything to you, you just feel it, and know what's going on. It doesn't explain anything about the legal portion of adoption, and makes that part seem really simple -which it's NOT- but as far as opening people's eyes to the adoption option, I think it's right on the mark. I am so excited about all of these movies that are coming out lately that put adoption in a positive light. It's pretty exciting to me, and gives me hope that some day we will live in a world without so much judgement. Anyway, I highly recommend it.

A very emotional scene from the movie Juno

This has been a really random post. I may try to get some rest and read it again in the morning. If you see it here, and then all of a sudden it's gone it might be because I deleted it after realizing that its too much info. Anyway enjoy for now, I guess.