New Year Thoughts

It seems like the last few years I have kind of gotten in a habit of waiting to be happy. I'm always saying "If I can just get through this semester things will get easier." "if I can just make it through this week, I can rest on the weekend." "If I can just write this paper, or pass this final, write this court report, or graduate or get a job or anything else then life will be better." But here's the thing about that: I've done all of those things (well, except for graduating, but that's so close I can taste it) and still life isn't perfect. Funny how that happens, isn't it? Once I make it through one thing there's always something else waiting that challenges me or stretches me, or takes me out of my comfort zone.
Back in August - you know, when we were living in a camper - I was getting kind of down on myself. I kept thinking, if we could just move into our new place, all of our problems would be solved. I was mad that we were in that situation, and feeling like pretty much the worst mom in the world. And when things get hard like that I find myself feeling really selfish, like if I weren't going to school I could have a good job that paid our bills and we could move somewhere permanent and not need to live in an apartment anymore, and my being in school is making my kid's life so hard... you know how it can get sometimes. I was reading a book, The Undaunted by Gerlald Lund (Read it if you haven't already, it's good;) I've read it a few times before, but suddenly a passage that I had never noticed before stood out to me. In the book a group of pioneers are building a road from Cedar City to Bluff, and it's a mess. They have to cut a road out of the rocks, drive wagons down cliffs, and worry about hostile Indians. The trip was hard and it took much longer and required more out of them than they ever expected. In this particular passage two sisters are talking. One of the sisters is saying that they were just living in limbo, not able to settle down, not able to make plans, not able to rest. She said that if they could ever just get to where they were going she could finally start her life. The other sister answered, "Maybe, just for a moment, this IS our life." That really jumped out at me, and I have thought a lot about it ever since. I am right smack in the middle of a really real life. These are days, especially with my kids, that I can never get back. They are growing and changing, and so am I, and life is happening to us whether I choose to recognize it or not. So you know I hate resolutions, but my theme for the year is this: LIVE LIFE NOW! I'm going to start living the life I'm in. I'm going to enjoy the craziness that is happening right now instead of wishing it all away. All too soon this part of our life is going to be over, and it's really likely that this is the time we will remember most, so why not remember with fondness instead of regret? I want my kids to look back and laugh at the time we were "homeless", at the time mom was so busy getting ready for finals that Adia made the dinner - yikes!, at the time the garbage disposal literally broke off of the sink and Ethan and mom ended up laying under the sink in a pile of green sludge fixing it at 2 in the morning, or the way we would all get so stressed about one thing or another until we were like a time bomb ready to blow and Adia would declare "There is entirely too little dancing going on around here!" so we would drop everything have have a dance party, or the way that we all cheer each other on at our successes, like a 4.0 semester, a published paper, a week without detention, learning to do a one handed cartwheel, having an undefeated soccer season or making it all day long without anyone losing their shoe. These are the good times if we let them be. These are the moments that matter, and this year we are going to focus on being happy and living those moments to the fullest.

So, how about you? What are your goals or resolutions?