I made a lady cry in the store today.

...and I'm not even sorry about it.

The second I stepped into the store today my ears picked up on the sound I knew very well. It was the sound of autism. To the untrained ear, it is often undetectable, but to a seasoned pro like me (Ha, I'm anything but a pro, but it sounded good.), it is unmistakable. Sometimes it's more of a feeling than a sound, like the soft flutter of angel wings, my sister calls it. But sometimes it is a loud cry, and this is what it was today. A loud high pitched sqealy cry that reached to all courners of the store. And it didn't stop. As I moved from isle to isle, I knew I was getting closer to the angel until finally I moved into the fruitsnack section and we came face to face. The angel's mom, Superwoman ( because she's the only kind of person great enough to be entrusted with an angel) was quietly talking to her son. Rubbing his back and talking clamly. From listening to her I got the gist that the cause of the sqealing was in regards to there not being anymore of the grape flavored Welches fruit snacks. The thing about autistic kids is they like the stuff they like. There is no changing it. I gave her a sympathetic nod, I've been there myself, and continued up the isle. As I moved farther up the isle I passed two other women who were talking, quite obviously about Superwoman. They were questioning her parenting ability (which is something I LOATHE) and saying that "you can't just give your kids everything they want all the time, and then expect them to be okay with it if you ever say 'no'." and "Maybe if she did a little more spanking and a little less coddling he wouldn't act that way." Suddenly my blood was boiling! I don't even know those ladies, and I suddenly couldn't stand them! If there's one thing that I've learned over the years it's that you don't know the view until you've looked through the glasses. You have no idea what goes on in any one else's life, and therefore, you have no right whatsoever, to judge. Who knows how you would handle the same situation if you were in their place? Without even thinking I jerked my cart to a stop, looked those ladies straight in the eyes, then spun around and threw my arms around Superwoman, and said, "You are the best mom ever!" She stood there looking at me strangely for a minute, and I started worrying because I totally invaded her hoola hoop, and some people aren't huggers... but then her eyes filled with tears, overflowing down her cheeks, and she smiled. We shared a look that only two women who have fought the same battle can have, and we both went on our way. One thing I've thought a lot about this month - this month of love, this month that is all about taking care of your heart and your teeth and your sweetheart, this month, we should be taking care of each other too. Sometimes we all have a day where we could use a hug or an encouraging word, and what does it cost us to give that to someone else? (well if you do the hug ambush like I did, it could potentially get you some criminal charges, but use caution, and you'll be alright) I don't know that woman, and I don't know that she's the best mom ever, but she was being a really good mom at a really hard moment, and what did it hurt to tell her so? Anyway, it's something to think about this love month, I guess.
So I made a lady cry today, and the only regret I have is that I didn't make those other two ladies cry too. But I probably would have accomplished that by stomping their toes or running them down with my cart, and then I really would have had criminal charges, so I guess it's better to stop while I'm ahead...

School meetings.

Have I ever told you how much I hate school meetings? Well, I do. It's fine if your kid is an average kid who learns the same way the teachers teach, who have no behavioral problems, who mind their manners, do what is asked of them and never question authority. If your kid is like that it's fun going to meet with the teachers and hear them praise your child and validate your parenting abilities, and you can go out for ice cream after and feel happy and content and your world can be all rainbows and sunshine. My kids are not those kinds of kids. No, not at all. Instead I go to school meetings and hear about how Ethan has pretended that he's walking on whoopie cusions everywhere he went for the last week, or how even though he gets good scores on all of his Math papers, he does poorly on tests, and so he must just be refusing to focus at test time, or how he stabbed a bully with a pencil, or has a strange obsession with eyewear,  or won't go through the door until all the girls have gone through first or how Adia is too bossy to the other kids or can't stop helping the kids who don't get it and insists on working on things until she gets it right, "she just won't give up", and she questions the things the teacher tells her, she can't just trust her, she has to prove it.... the list goes on and on. The real problem is that most of these things are seen by me as being positive qualities (obviously not the stabbing or the whoopy cushions, but you know what I mean) but they are seen by the teachers as negatives. It's hard for me to hear that the qualities that I think will make Adia a great leader some day are getting her in trouble. It's hard to hear that Ethan, who was never supposed to make it past Kindergarten but is now in a mainstreamed grade level class, and doing well, is being called lazy because he has test anxiety. It's hard to go to school meetings and hear over and over all of the negative things about your kids instead of hearing how Adia is reading three grade levels above what she should be, and Ethan is the number one speller in the 5th grade. It irritates me, and makes me cranky, and makes my stomach and my head hurt.
So last week was parent teacher conferences, and Lucky Day, I was out of town for work! I missed it! My heart was soaring! But then that mom guilt set in, and I knew if I didn't meet with the teachers I would regret it. So I sucked it up and made appointments. That was actually worse than normal because it gave me more time to get worked up and give myself an ulser about it. But finally the day came. And you know what? It wasn't half bad. Yes there were some down sides, but there were a lot of good points too. If looks like my kids are doing pretty great this quarter! Whew, what a releif. Now lets go get some icecream and celebrate not having to go to another one of those suckers for several more months!

Help me find...

Have you seen those people on face book who are looking for their birth parents or birth children? They are all over the place all of a sudden with their white poster board signs hand written with details about the person they are searching for. It turns out they are really quite successful. I've seen news reports about many of them finding the loved one's they have been trying to locate for years. So with today being Valentines day, I have been thinking maybe I need a poster board of my own. Not looking for a birth family, but searching for my valentine.
Please help me find my Valentine.
He is kind and smart.
He has good values, he loves kids (especially mine), and has an incredible sense of humor.
He challenges me.
He has a job, and believes in hard work, but he also has compassion.
He is attracted to women, and not at all to men.
He probably has brown hair and brown or blue eyes.
He doesn't want to move too fast, or force me to relocate, and he doesn't mind a little chaos.
If this is you or you know who this is please contact me right away...

Adia's Baptism

It was beautiful. It went perfectly aside from a few small hiccups or minor annoyances. She had so many loved ones who made an effort to be there. I was thinking as I sat listening to a riveting talk on the Holy Ghost (If you were there you are laughing now:) that we are so lucky to have a truly amazing support system.  I mean, we have some phenomenal people in our lives, and we wouldn't be where we are right now without them. Many people had to sacrifice by driving hours to be there, coming out of their comfort zone, missing important things etc. and still they came to show Adia, how much they love and care about her. Again, it was beautiful.
Of course I forgot to take even one picture. What is happening to me? I did the same thing at Ethan's baptism. Someone else should be in charge of that. Usually I'm that person, so I guess no one ever thinks about it anymore.
So instead of showing you pictures of the day, I am going to overload you with pictures that we took of her in her dress for her invitation. Deal?

After being baptized all of Adia's sins were washed away. I often wish I could experience that feeling again, so I asked her if she felt different. She answered that yes, she did feel a little different. I was a little surprised at her answer, so I asked how so. She said, "Well, I got a little bit of water in my ear that won't come out, and that feels pretty different." Not quite what I was expecting, but...

ch ch ch ch changes...

This picture has nothing to do with anything, but I like to include a picture with my posts, and this is one I took on Christmas morning at my parent's house, and I love it. 

I have been blogging for several years now, and I love it. It's a great way to remember the things that happen to our little family since I'm crappy at journal writing, it's a good way to keep friends and family who live far away updated on our lives, and it had become a way to connect and become friends with people I've never even met. But lately I've had a hard time blogging. I am so busy, but it's busy with work things, and because of confidentiality I can't blog about that. :) And the other stuff that happens in our life don't feel like a big enough deal to blog about. So I just haven't written much for the last few months. I think I got stuck in the mindset that every post needs to be significant with a picture, and several paragraphs, and it needs to be meaningful. I've decided that this isn't necessarily true. For a while anyway, I am just going to post short little blurbs now and then, whenever something funny or exciting or whatever, happens. This means that my posts won't be as meaty as they used to be, and there might not be a picture on every post. I also won't likely be linking every post to Facebook, so if you generally don't check in until you see a link, you might want to change that. :) Anyway, that's what we're trying for now. If you have any other suggestions feel free to let me know. I was also thinking that it might be a good idea to make a list of things to blog about. I know that when I did my 30 list in June I had no problem posting every day. If I can come up with a bunch of questions, I probably wouldn't blog every single day, but if I had a lull I could pull out a question and blog about it. It would be a great plan. The only problem is I'm not super creative, so I'm going to need your help. Give me some suggestions. Ask a question about me. Ask a question about life. Ask a question about anything. Make a comment that I can chime in on. The sky's the limit, just give me some fun ideas.

Adia's day

Some info blurred for security reasons. If you plan to come email me and I'll get you the details.

In our church you have to be 8 to be baptized. I encourage my kids to do that, but ultimately it is their choice. Adia has been waiting for this day for her whole life. She made the choice a long time ago, and has been working to be ready. I'm really proud of the person she is. She has the kindest heart. She thinks of others feelings all the time. She makes friends easily, and could be friends with anyone she wanted, but she takes notice of those who have a harder time making friends and she welcomes them in and makes them feel important. She is also very trustworthy. Even though she is they younger sibling she takes responsibility for Ethan a lot, and I always know that I can count on her to take care of him. The is honest, and thoughtful, and tries to always do what's right. She has a strong relationship with her Heavenly Father, and amazes me with her faith. I have no doubt that she is ready for this step in her life, and that she will make us all proud of the person she becomes. Congratulations sweet girl!

But I have to share a kind of funny story about her. In order to be baptized you have to have an interview with the Bishop. As you get older, you have these fairly often, but Adia has never had one, so she was pretty nervous. I tried to reassure her that he was just going to visit with her and see if she was really ready - no pressure, but she thought of it as a test she had to take to determine whether she knew enough to be allowed to join the church. She's a perfectionist, and couldn't stand not passing the test, so she's been asking a lot of gospel related questions in preparation. She's really been studying for this thing, and kind of stressing a little more than necessary. 

So tonight we went to the interview. We went into the bishop's office and sat down and he said, "Well Adia, why are we here?" Without missing a beat she answered, "It's all part of Heavenly Father's plan..." She talked about the plan of salvation including a hilarious interpretation of the war in Heaven complete with voices for the main characters. She got the facts right, though I'm pretty sure Lucifer didn't say, "Dude, your plan is so lame." and I'm fairly positive Jesus didn't shout "SWEET!" when He was chosen. Though I could be wrong, I don't actually remember. :) (If you want to know more about this go HERE, or feel free to ask me.)

She finally finished, and the Bishop said, " Well, you are right about that, but I actually meant Why did you come to my office tonight?" I guess she had been cramming a little too hard. We all had a good giggle, and she calmed down a little after that. She passed, not that I had any doubts. And after we left the office she gave a big sigh and said, "Whew, I totally need some chocolate!"

The Birthday!

Today is the big birthday at our house. Ethan turned 11 and Adia turned 8. I can't even express how happy their birthday makes me. I know I didn't actually meet either one of them on the day  they were born, but still, this is the day it all started. Every year I get a little weepy with gratitude for the gift of motherhood. I am so grateful they were born, and grateful to a God who has a plan for families, and grateful for a kind birth family who was willing to make the ultimate sacrifice in order for me to be able to love on these kids every single day.
The day has been one big adventure after another. Because it is a school day I made them get ready for the day before they could go down stairs and get started on the celebration. They got ready in record time. I had decorated the living room with balloons, and made each of them a candy bouquet. They were allowed to open two presents each before school but then had to save the rest for the party that evening. Their birthday is the only day that they can choose whatever they want for breakfast and I have no veto power. They both chose birthday cake - nice. I usually go all out for birthday cakes. I make these big elaborate cakes, that take way longer to make than to eat. This year when I asked them what they wanted they both said they wanted a funfetti box cake with store bought frosting and sprinkles and those yucky sugar letters. At first I was a little hurt, I always make their cake from scratch. But then I got smart and realized, I can make one of those cakes in less than an hour! SCORE! So I did.  And they loved it.
They did have to go to school today, which got some complaining, but they got to take treats to their class, so it ended up being alright. I had court until late, but Grandma Helen picked them up from school, and that's way better than me picking them up, so that was kind of like a gift for them as well. When I got home we were surprised by Grandpa Lane coming to take us out to dinner! We went to a restaurant where Adia's choice for dinner was an 18oz t-bone steak. Sure that she wouldn't eat much of it Grandpa decided to just share with her. She surprised us all by eating almost the entire thing! (What can I say, the girl likes the beef) Poor Grandpa was wishing he had ordered his own steak!
We got home and finished opening presents, and went to bed. Pretty good day if you ask me.

Crafty

I used to be really crafty. I crafted all the time. One of the things I really loved was making wreaths for my door. However, the last few years have been a little crazy for me and I don't have a lot of time for crafting anymore. It makes me sad, but there just isn't much I can do about it. However, this Christmas I was out of school, and I had a few weeks where I hardly had to work at all, so I took a little time and made a winter wreath for my door. I saw a similar idea on pinterest, HERE and as I looked around my house I already had the supplies to make my own version of it. This is what I came up with. I love it. The little pop of red against the white is the perfect solution for the "no longer Christmas, but still not Valentines" time of year.

Adia is so lucky!

The other night Adia came up and asked, "Mom, can I give myself a complete makeover?" It's a Friday night, we aren't going anywhere, we have no where to be in the morning, so I with the stipulation that nothing gets permanently changed (hair cuts, clothing "refashioning" etc.) I give my permission.

A few minutes later she calls to me from the bathroom, "Mom can I use your makeup for my complete makeover?" 

She knows the makeup rules - this is not our first "complete makeover" so I give my permission. 

As I hear her in the bathroom opening my compact, experimenting with just the right combinations of shades, exclaiming that "that looks SO FABULOUS!" I think to myself how lucky Adia is that her mom is a Mary Kay consultant. I mean really, how many girls get this opportunity? Yup, she's one lucky girl to be able to experiment with makeup whenever she wants. When she gets older and can actually wear makeup in public she is already going to know what she's doing, and which colors look best on her. No unfortunate jungle green business for her like I had in jr. high. Luck her...

But all of my gloating and praising went right out the window once the "complete makeover" was revealed. Turns out instead of finding a new shade of lip gloss, this makeover consisted of finding a new identity. The identity of "Indiana Jane". (You know, Indiana Jones' sister.) And my makeup was not used to accentuate her cheek bones, instead it was used to create battle scars and trail wear. 

 Just in case you were wondering,
the bloody lips are MK's Downtown Brown
The black eye is Espresso, Raisin and Peacock and Midnight eye colors.
The abrasions are Sienna, Lavender fog, Truffle, and Chocolate Kiss eye colors
The stitches are Deep Brown eyeliner
And the dirt smudges are Chocolate Kiss and Espresso
This picture doesn't do it justice, most of it looked pretty convincing.

 Indiana Jane is ready to fight the bad guys and save the day. She's armed and ready for whatever comes at her.

 She has a had to keep her head cool and her hair out of her face while out on a big adventure, and a knapsack (which is "what Indiana Jane calls her purse") to carry anything she might need.

But it's not all adventure seeking and hard work. Even Indiana Jane has to stop for the occasional drink and chat on the cell phone.

In the end I have decided that Adia is pretty lucky. She's lucky that her mom wears a lot of browns and coppers. This look wouldn't have been quite the same if I was a greens and blues kinda gal. :)

New Year Thoughts

It seems like the last few years I have kind of gotten in a habit of waiting to be happy. I'm always saying "If I can just get through this semester things will get easier." "if I can just make it through this week, I can rest on the weekend." "If I can just write this paper, or pass this final, write this court report, or graduate or get a job or anything else then life will be better." But here's the thing about that: I've done all of those things (well, except for graduating, but that's so close I can taste it) and still life isn't perfect. Funny how that happens, isn't it? Once I make it through one thing there's always something else waiting that challenges me or stretches me, or takes me out of my comfort zone.
Back in August - you know, when we were living in a camper - I was getting kind of down on myself. I kept thinking, if we could just move into our new place, all of our problems would be solved. I was mad that we were in that situation, and feeling like pretty much the worst mom in the world. And when things get hard like that I find myself feeling really selfish, like if I weren't going to school I could have a good job that paid our bills and we could move somewhere permanent and not need to live in an apartment anymore, and my being in school is making my kid's life so hard... you know how it can get sometimes. I was reading a book, The Undaunted by Gerlald Lund (Read it if you haven't already, it's good;) I've read it a few times before, but suddenly a passage that I had never noticed before stood out to me. In the book a group of pioneers are building a road from Cedar City to Bluff, and it's a mess. They have to cut a road out of the rocks, drive wagons down cliffs, and worry about hostile Indians. The trip was hard and it took much longer and required more out of them than they ever expected. In this particular passage two sisters are talking. One of the sisters is saying that they were just living in limbo, not able to settle down, not able to make plans, not able to rest. She said that if they could ever just get to where they were going she could finally start her life. The other sister answered, "Maybe, just for a moment, this IS our life." That really jumped out at me, and I have thought a lot about it ever since. I am right smack in the middle of a really real life. These are days, especially with my kids, that I can never get back. They are growing and changing, and so am I, and life is happening to us whether I choose to recognize it or not. So you know I hate resolutions, but my theme for the year is this: LIVE LIFE NOW! I'm going to start living the life I'm in. I'm going to enjoy the craziness that is happening right now instead of wishing it all away. All too soon this part of our life is going to be over, and it's really likely that this is the time we will remember most, so why not remember with fondness instead of regret? I want my kids to look back and laugh at the time we were "homeless", at the time mom was so busy getting ready for finals that Adia made the dinner - yikes!, at the time the garbage disposal literally broke off of the sink and Ethan and mom ended up laying under the sink in a pile of green sludge fixing it at 2 in the morning, or the way we would all get so stressed about one thing or another until we were like a time bomb ready to blow and Adia would declare "There is entirely too little dancing going on around here!" so we would drop everything have have a dance party, or the way that we all cheer each other on at our successes, like a 4.0 semester, a published paper, a week without detention, learning to do a one handed cartwheel, having an undefeated soccer season or making it all day long without anyone losing their shoe. These are the good times if we let them be. These are the moments that matter, and this year we are going to focus on being happy and living those moments to the fullest.

So, how about you? What are your goals or resolutions?