Facing Fears

Ethan was dropped a lot as a baby.

It's not funny, it's true.

He was dropped and slammed, and abused.

When he first came to live with us he had a hard time not being in control of his body. If he would fall asleep on the couch and we picked him up to take him to bed he would come unglued and fight frantically to get away. He didn't like to play the game where you swing kids around and around until their feet come off the ground. He hated it if you would pick him up off the ground. He couldn't handle carnival rides. If I would try to rock him on my lap he couldn't lay back, he had to sit up. And worst of all, he wouldn't wrestle. My dad is big on wrestling. He loves it. That's how he shows his love, he would grab you wrestle you to the ground and tickle or torture depending on his mood. He couldn't do that with Ethan. It was too scary. If he would try it Ethan would have nightmares for the next few nights. Eventually Grandpa grew out of it, and doesn't wrestle anymore. Eventually Ethan started to grow out of it too. He still tenses up when he isn't in control of his own body, but he is much better now.

And then La Sal got a wrestling team.

All of his friends were doing it, so of course he wanted to as well. We talked about it and practiced and tried to get him ready for it. He is mostly excited, but pretty apprehensive as well. It lasts about two months, and consists of two practices every week and a tournament on the weekends. My dad is going to help coach so that he can keep an eye on how Ethan handles everything.

I am scared to death!

Not that he will get hurt or anything, I am pretty alright with the wrestling concept. I just hate to see him afraid. I know that this is going to be emotionally hard on him whether he shows it or not, and I hate to think of the hurt that will cause him. But he wants to give it a try. He wants to face his fears, even knowing what it all means so much more than anyone else understands. He wants to live life. He wants to be "normal". He wants to leave the pain behind and participate in real childhood like other boys his age.

He deserves that.

So I am taking some strength from him, and facing my fears as well.

We are being brave.

We are being normal.

We are asking for prayers and good thoughts to be send Ethan's way.

I'll let you know how it goes...