This is Adia, drugged out in the ER. Yes, that's how we were lucky enough to spend our Memorial Day. No fun BBQ for us, just some good drugs and a million dollar cup of hospital apple juice. Because everything in our life lately makes for a good story, I'll share this one with you.
Adia was outside playing with some friends for a while, and when she came in she informed me that she had swallowed a little stick and it got stuck in her throat. She had tried to puke it up, but had only managed to render one of the playground slides un-usable. She could breathe and swallow, and after asking some questions I found out that it wasn't really a stick, but more a piece of a weed. I figured that it wasn't a huge deal, so I told her to eat some bread thinking it would force it down. After eating several pieces she started complaining that it wasn't helping, so I thought we better do a little bit of investigating and planning. I asked her to show me the weed and it turns out is was a piece of wheat, like this:

I don't know if you have experience with this type of plant or not, but there are spiky green shoots coming out of the kernels. (they are called a "beard"- little known fact - thank you Dr. Fisher, and google who backed him up on the info.) These little spikes are strange, if you run your finger up them one direction it is smooth, but if you run it in the other direction it is stickery-real word in the Blanding ER- thanks again Dr. Fisher. So in other words, if she swallowed it in one direction it would pass strait through, but if she swallowed it in the other direction it would be stuck there. That got me a little more concerned, so I decided to call the ER and see what they recommended. They said we should try to flush it down with liquids, but if that didn't work, or if it started to hurt, bring her in. So we tried it, and soon it started to hurt any time she took a deep breath or swallowed anything - so off to the ER we went.
Everyone there was super nice, and helpful. Adia has Dr. Anxiety from an unfortunate trip to the dentist several years ago, so she was worried and upset. All of the staff worked really hard to put her at ease, and make her comfortable. And the nurse caught on really quickly that she's not a "baby me" girl, she's a "give it to me straight" girl, and was very open and honest with her, which we both really appreciated. And despite the kid in the room next to us who was screaming and wailing for about 20 minutes, Adia calmed right down. (according to the nurse it was "get foreign objects stuck in your nose, ear, or throat day" which could explain the neighbor's mood.)
Finally the doctor came in and took a look. He could see it right at the back of her throat, and told her he was going to get a tool to pull it out. He came back in with this little fella, and all bets were off.
She refused to open her mouth, and we suddenly felt less annoyed by the guy next door. They tried to bribe her with a gift bag full of goodies like a teddy bear, coloring book, stickers, and five bazillion crayons, which I haven't seen the itemized bill for yet, but I bet they are going to cost a pretty penny - right up there with the juice. She accepted the gift happily, with her mouth still clamped shut.
Finally they decided that it was time to sedate her. They gave her some stuff mixed with the million dollar carton of apple juice and in about 20 minutes she was full blown LOOPY. When a girl who loves to talk as much as my girl gets on medication that disconnects the thought process from the mouth process, you never know what you're going to get. She loved EVERYBODY, she sang interesting songs, she told some juicy secrets, and she kept pulling my face down close to her's and saying "your eyes are pretty!" But the worst part is that the doctor kept saying "inhaled" rather than "swallowed" so she started telling everyone she saw, "I inhaled, the weed." which kind of makes it sound like I gave her pot or something. And the way she was acting wasn't helping convince anyone otherwise. And of course we saw just about every person we know in town, because the ER on a Monday night is the place to be, apparently? I'm pretty sure my credibility at work is ruined - I mean, who is going to trust me to keep kids safe when my own 8 year old is seen in the ER acting like she's been smokin' the dope? (She also kept getting dizzy and saying "Uh, Oh, I'm tippin'" which sounds uncomfortably like "trippin'"... Thanks babe.)
Anyway, after a while she was lovin' life enough that the doctor told her to open up, and he reached those giant tweezers back there and grabbed the sucker. It was about two inches long, and bent over a little (disapproving look in my direction from the doctor for forcing her to eat half a loaf of bread, which he assumed caused the bend and made the pain worse) It was covered in blood and gore and other grossness which the doctor said meant it was beginning to embed itself at the back of her throat. They waited for her drugs to wear off a little and forced another box of million dollar juice down her throat. With yet another warning to me to not let my kids put anything in their mouth that isn't food - because I am obviously the kind of mom who says "hey kids chew on this weed for a while, you might like it - let's just see." they wheeled my drug baby out to the car and we were on our way. She is fine, and slept super well all night - I wonder if they could sell me some of that stuff to give to Ethan on occasion... I am super grateful that it wasn't worse, and equally grateful that I now have outstanding insurance because I don't know if I could have afforded the second carton of juice on my own.
And that's the story.
*** UPDATE***
Because it has been brought to my attention, I feel the need to say that I only bring up the cost of the apple juice as a joke. I don't even know what the apple juice costs at this point. Of course the well being of my daughter was foremost in my mind and I was only able to joke about it after I first was certain that she was fine. I honestly would pay a million dollars for a box of juice without complaint if it meant helping my little girl - geez people!